Me, Max, and a Dog Kennel
by tgypwya
Summary: Saint captured Fang. A whole bunch of people captured Iggy. So when I got bored one night... I captured Max. Cue insanity. Rated T for obvious reasons. Just read it already. :P Important update!
1. Emo Angel

**Disclaimer- I don't own MR. You should be able to tell…

* * *

**

Me- Okay, I was bored and decided to write something. (How many times has that happened?) I had just read Iggy Ramblings, plus I love Saint Fang's stuff, so I'm thinking, "I'll kidnap a Flock member! Yeah!" But I decided I didn't want to copy other people.

Max- Then why the _h_ am I here?

Me- Because I was still bored an hour later. And say "hell", "h" just sounds dumb.

Max- I'll say whatever I want, thank you very much!

Me- Yeah, whatever. Well, anyway, I'm not even a huge fan of Max, but—

Max- Then why the _h_ am I here?

Me- You already said that.

Max- Whatever.

Me- Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted… *glares at Max* … I'm not a huge Max fan, but Iggy and Fang have already been kidnapped, I'm not dealing with Nudge or Angel, and I don't like people blowing my stuff up. So Max it is.

Max- I'm getting out, you know.

Me- I doubt that.

Max- I can fly! You wouldn't be able to catch me!

Me- I can drive. Unlike someone…

Max- Oh, rub it in. You weren't raised in a kennel.

Me- Speaking of that… *pulls dog kennel out of pocket, somehow*

Max- NO F#%ING WAY!!!

Me- Hey, don't f#%ing curse. It's against the 11th Commandment.

Max- Aren't there 10 Commandments? And you just cursed…

Me- Nope. Commandment #11- Thou shalt do whatever I say.

Max- YOU MADE THAT UP!!!

Me- Hey, even I have to follow it. Now shut it.

Max- But… you… uh!

Me- See, now we're getting somewhere!

Max- What if ignore your little "11th Commandment"?

Me- Then I stop postponing a certain appointment with an avian vet…

Max- WHAT THE F#% ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?

Me- You're getting your wings clipped if you don't get in the crate.

Max- WHAT?!? THAT CAN'T BE LEGAL!!! I'LL SUE YOU!!!

Me- Yeah, well then you're screwed. Spiffy and Pooky are my lawyers.

Max- Who the hell are they?

Me- Well, now that Max has graduated from "h" to "hell", I'd like to finish explaining why I'm doing this. You see, I would have thrown her out of my house already, she's really getting annoying, but I was dumb enough to tell her why I kidnapped her. So she'd go off to find and free Fang and Iggy, and then a whole ton of people would hate me, so… yeah.

Max- I already hate you.

Me- Get in your crate.

Max- Make me!

Me- Get in your crate, or I'll burn your Fang plushie.

Max- *turns red* I don't have a Fang plushie…

Me- What's this then? *pulls Fang plushie out of other pocket*

Max- *desperately* That's not a Fang plushie…!

Me- Than what the hell is it?

Max- Uh, some random emo guy?

Me- With _wings_?

Max- Uh, an emo angel?

Me- *stares blankly* Emo angel? Fang is your emo angel?

Max- I DIDN'T SAY THAT!!!

Me- FANG IS MAX'S EMO ANGEL!?!?

Max- If I get in the crate, will you shut up?

Me- Yes.

Max- Okay then. *crawls into crate*

Me- I WIN!!

Max- Shut up and give me my Fang plushie.

* * *

**Me- Well, that was longer than I expected.**

**Max- Not to mention stupid.**

**Me- Anyway, review if you think I should do more! (Heck, review even if you don't. I like reviews.)**

**Max- Please don't review. Make him free me.**

**Me- *holds lit match up to Fang plushie***

**Max- WELL, WATCHA WAITIN' FOR?!? CLICK THE REVIEW BUTTON!!!**

**Me- Good girl.**

**Max- Gimme the damn plushie.**


	2. Max in Church

**You have no idea how many times I rewrote this chapter, and I still think it sucks. But you asked for it, so you got it. Here we go…**

**

* * *

**

Me- Boredom strikes again, sooooooooooo…

Max- Please no.

Me- WE'RE BAAAACK!

Max- Unfortunately.

Me- Well, the other day I-

Max- Disclaimer.

Me- *sigh* Okay. Property is theft, therefore theft if property. Since kidnapping is theft, I now own Maximum Ride.

James Patterson- *appears* Bulls%#. *disappears*

Max- Where the _h_ did he come from?

Me- I dunno. Anyway, the other day I-

Max- Thank your reviewers.

Me- There's no pleasing you, is there?

Max- Unless you let me go and/or burn this kennel…

Me- No and no.

Max- You suck.

Me- Okay. Well, thanks to everybody who read the first chapter, thanks twice to everyone who reviewed.

**6464MiniDiceofRandomness- **Yes, Fang is Max's emo angel. And begging works, 'cuz here you go.

**firemax- **Awesomness is most definitely a word. Even if the dictionary disagrees…

**Jade Iceshard BloodRayne-** It's a possibility, but I'm not a big fan of getting my butt kicked.

**White Wing Alchemist- **LMAO

**nudge-potter-** rainbowstrike's stuff is pretty good, thanks! And thanks for reviewing my other story as well.

Max- I like Jade Iceshard Bloodrayne's idea. But does nobody else want me to be freed?

Me- Doesn't look like it.

Max- Well, damn. Some fans you are.

Me- As I was saying, the other day I took Max to church.

Max- I don't know why you couldn't just leave me here.

Me- I don't trust you. Well, anyway, I came up with a brilliant plan so that I could keep an eye on her but let her fly around a bit so she won't hate me anymore!

Max- It didn't work. Please don't tell them why.

Me- I painted her white and told everyone she was an angel!

Max- I f$%ing hate you.

Me- I even made her wear this angelic dress-thing.

Max- Did I mention I hate you?

Me- Yeah, she went around damning everyone to hell and telling people to stay away from me.

Max- For a good reason.

Me- Then she insulted Old Janice…

Max- You could have warned me she carries pepper spray!

Me- Where's the fun in that? Besides, I didn't know she would bean you with a bible and hit you with her purse. Repeatedly.

Max- I hate you like a Flyboy breaking into church on a Sunday mornin'! Unless it's your church, of course.

Me- Don't steal sayings from Fang.

Max- What? I made that up!

Me- He said it first. *shows Max "Fang Loves Joo, Saint Fang of Boredom!"*

Max- IF I EVER GET OUT OF HERE, I'M GOING TO F$%ING KILL HIM!

Me- I thought he was your emo angel.

Max- THEN I'LL KILL YOU!

Me- Someone forgot to take their pills…

Max- IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS!

Me- *throws Fang plushie at Max*

Max- DON'T JUST THROW HIM AROUND! YOU'LL HURT HIS FEELINGS! GIVE HIM SOME RESPECT!

Me- It's a plushie.

Max- (To Fang plushie) He didn't mean that, don't listen to the bad boy.

My sister Emma- *opens door* Hey, your friends are outside and- what's in the kennel?

Me- Nothing.

Max- LET ME GO DAMMIT!

Emma- Wait, are those feathers? Is that _Maximum Ride_?

Me- No. That's story's fictional, you idiot.

Max- Yes! That's story's real, you idiot!

Emma- If it's not Max, who is it then?

Me- Uh, Iggy on estrogen?

Emma- What?

Max- WHAT?

* * *

_Somewhere in Australia..._

Bell- WHAT?

Iggy- What'd I miss?

* * *

_Somewhere in New England..._

Fang- What's estrogen?

Saint- *facepalm* Okay, one last time…

* * *

**Me- Review! Or else!**

**Max- Or else what?**

**Me- Or else I never ever set you free.**

**Max- REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

**Me- You know what, if I get ten reviews, I'll let you out next chapter. (Hint, hint)**

**Max- REVIEW! EVEN IF YOU ALREADY HAVE! FREEEEEEE MEEEEEEEE!**


	3. Party at Kumar's!

**Hello readers! Sorry this took so long, I've been on vacation. I'm updating my other story (Maximum Ride: Saving the World?) soon, then I'll probably add another here! Also, this chapter takes place before my vacation, in case it confuses you.**

**I think that's all I need to say, so enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

Max- Why don't you just give up and let me go?

Me- I don't feel like it. Oh, and by the way, as James Patterson pointed out last time, me owning MR is a load of pure bulls%^$. Just thought I'd get that out of the way before we start…

So Max, do you remember that I promised to let you out if we get ten reviews?

Max- We better have gotten ten reviews.

Me- Guess how many we got.

Max- Ten?

Me- Nope.

Max- Eleven?

Me- Wrong.

Max- Twelve?

Me- TWO!!

Max- Two?

Me- Yep.

Max- Two?

Me- That's right, two.

Max- Two as in the number of testicles you'll no need to have replaced if you don't let me out anyway?

Me- Uhhhhhh… Yeah. Well, you can thank them…

Max- Whatever.

** firemax-** Oh, ultimate destruction is right.

** Nova Ride-** Wait, you love me, but you want me to stay here? Make up your mind.

Me- Well, because I'm a nice guy, and I want to have kids some day, I'm going to let you out.

Max- Finally. What's the catch?

Me- I'm taking you to a party tonight.

Max- Uh, why?

Me- I feel like it. And there probably won't be any girls there otherwise. We're leaving when I finish tuning my drums.

Max- Aren't you going on vacation next week?

Me- Yeah, why?

Max- Why the hell are you tuning your drums _now?_

Me- Uh…

Max- Thought so.

* * *

_***An hour later, outside my friend Kumar's house***_

Max- Let go of my arm.

Me- I'm not stupid. I let go, you fly away. Once we're inside, you can do what you want.

Max- You know what I want.

Me- Keep in mind that Kumar owns multiple weapons.

Max- Uh… like foam dart guns?

Me- Nah, paintball, BB, and actual guns, samurai swords, etc.

Max- In that case, _let's leave now_. Please?

Kumar- *opens door* Hey, man, whassup? And who's this?

Me- Hey, Kumar, this is Max.

Kumar- Heloooooo Max, you look great, you know that?

Max- Don't hit on me, dumpweed. I'm taken.

Me- (whispered to Kumar) Her boyfriend ran off to Arizona with her sister. She refuses to believe it.

Kumar- Ah. Come on up to my room, that's where everyone is!

Me- Awesome!

Max- Grumble.

* * *

_***Later, in Kumar's room***_

Iron Hayden- *is shredding on Kumar's guitar*

Me, DK, and K-Mac- *sit around awkwardly*

Max- *sits around awkwardly as far from sword display as possible*

John Connor- That's what she said!

Kumar- Not to you!

Iron Hayden- Stop it!

John Connor- That's not what your mother said!

Iron Hayden- Seriously. Stop.

DK- He's right, this is the biggest-

John Connor- THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

Iron Hayden- Not again.

John Connor- And she said that to you!

*doorbell rings*

Kumar- Someone else is here!

K-Mac- Thank God. Now we can stop this.

John Connor- And she said _that_ to you!

Max- *punches John Connor* That felt good.

John Connor- That's what she said.

Max- Wanna know what I said?

John Connor- Sure.

Max- SHUT THE F%# UP!!!

* * *

**Wow, that was actually pretty short, yet its the longest chapter yet. Well, the next chapter will either be the second half of Kumar's party, or I'll just skip straight to my vacation, on which I brought Max. A couple things to say before I end this...**

**I lied. I got two reviews before my vacation, and I got two more during the trip. Because the beginning doesn't work otherwise...**

** nudge-potter- **Iggy on Estrogen would make a great one-shot, and I'm updating my other story ASAP

** Team Jasper and Volturi- **To add to your list, I've seen _another_ story with Max, and I think there's one with Nudge, I'm not sure.

**Okay, and while you're REVIEWING (hint hint) make sure you...**

** A) Ask some questions for Max to answer, she's agreed to do a chapter where she answers your questions about ANYTHING! Yeah, so don't hold back. Whatever you want to know, she'll answer. Maybe not truthfully, but hey...**

** B) Tell me what you want me and Max to do next! I'm always open to suggestions! As a matter of fact, I need them. So... should I enroll her in clown college? Lock her in her kennel and roll it down a hill? Burn her Fang plushie? Let me know!**

** C) REVIEW!!!!  
**


	4. The Morning After

**Me- Hello world! We hit the review jackpot this week, Max!**

**Max- Oh joy. Does this mean you're going to update right away?**

**Me- Sí señorita.**

**Max- Don't talk to me like that.**

**Me- Why not? You're half Hispanic, you should embrace your past!**

**Max- The only past I have is a dog kennel, and thanks to you, I embrace it every day.**

**Me- Good for you. Reviewers!**

**-KCEmoGurl- "**Lol funny". Short and sweet. I like it.

**-WiShInG4WiNgZ- **Alright, so that's one vote against burning the Fang plushie…

**-Natvv- **It's isn't that cute when she hates you for it.

**-Natvv- **Wait, you're _tweeting_ this? Holy crap, now I feel special!

**-Natvv- **Hold on- you reviewed _three _times? _And_ added this story to your Favorites and Story Alerts, plus you added me as a Favorite Author? Correction- _NOW_ I feel special.

**-MaXiMuMrIDEisThEbeSTBoOkeVeR- **I know I'm crazy, why else would I be writing this?

**-Iheartjoshramsay- **And one vote _for_ burning the plushie… And you just beat Natvv- Favorite Story & Author, plus Story Alert _AND _Author Alert! WOOT!

**-Jade Iceshard BloodRayne- **All of your ideas involve me getting hurt, why _would_ I like them? Haha Just kidding! Max loves your ideas though, so now I've got to be really careful…

**-Aleria14- **Max is saying some really bad things about Iggy right now. Too bad to print.

**-Aleria14- **I knew you'd like it, but I had no idea you'd like it _that_ much.

**-Aleria14- **Yes! Another triple review! And Max is saying even worse things about Iggy now…

**Max- Goddamn f%$ing blind pryof%$ingmaniac sexist asshole pig…**

**Me- Yeah, and it's disclaimer time- I don't own anything worth owning, except the drumset mentioned last chapter.**

**Max- So now I know what to destroy if I get the chance.**

**Me- Shut up, of the plushie burns.

* * *

**

_***The morning after Kumar's party, in case the title didn't tip you off***_

Me- Wake up, mutant.

Max- Mrgh uhn grnkle?

Me- Wake up.

Max- Gongor al cunufuh?

Me- WAKE UP DAMMIT!

Max- SWEET CAKIN' FLYBOYS!

Me- What?

Max- What what? Did I say something? Where am I?

Me- On the couch?

Max- Why am I on the couch?

Me- Do you not remember last night?

Max- OH MY GOD WHAT DID WE DO?

Me- Nothing! I wouldn't want to do that anyway… I just partied, played Guitar Hero, and might have gotten a girlfriend…

Max- And me?

Me- You got drunk off of Dr. Pepper.

Max- Dr. Pepper?

Me- Yep.

Max- That explains the hangover…

Me- Uh huh. You were singing "Enter Sandman" with T, throwing brownies at people, and making out with your Fang plushie.

Max- Ouch.

Me- Yeah, then you went swimming with your clothes on, got in a ice cream-eating contest with Iron Hayden, and beat up Kumar for touching your Fang plushie.

Max- Hmm.

Me- You also punched John Connor…

Max- Yeah, I remember that…

Me- And then you had an hour-long heart-to-heart with him on the pros and cons of falling in love with an creepy emo mutant bird-kid.

Max- Fang isn't creepy!

Me- Who said I meant Fang?

Max- OH NO YOU DI'INT!

Me- You beat Kumar up for saying that, too.

Max- Well, that boy had it coming to him.

Me- And we tattooed a moustache on you.

Max- WHAT? *runs off to bathroom* *screams*

Me- *laughs hysterically*

Max- YOU BASTARD! I HAVE A HANDLEBAR MOUSTAHCE! AND IT'S NOT WASHING OFF!

Me- It's Sharpie, it'll come off… eventually. Meanwhile…

Max- *runs into my room, holding a toothbrush like a dagger* PREPARE TO DIE, BITCH!

Me- *holds lit match up to Fang plushie*

Max- Fine, burn it. I have more than one.

Me- You have more than one Fang plushie? You _are_ the creepy emo bird-kid!

Max- I'm not emo!

Me- Did you check your eyes while you were in there?

Max- *runs to bathroom* *screams again* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Me- Fang, I hope you like your ladies with sharpie moustaches, tons of eyeliner, and multiple Fang plushies! I sure as hell don't! I wonder when she's gonna find that huge schwang we drew on her back…

* * *

Max- *is sitting in corner* Grumble.

Me- Come on, Max. Being emo isn't going to help.

Max- I'm not emo.

Me- You're depressed, reclusive, and wearing black. What else are you?

Max- Not emo.

Me- *turns on My Chemical Romance music*

Max- Jerk. I am who I am, your approval isn't needed.

Me- Reading fortune cookies again?

Max- Voice.

Me- What else has your little friend been saying?

Max- Everyting happens for a reason.

Me- Hmm.

Max- Fang loves me.

Me- Predictable.

Max- Don't worry about anything, just go with the flow.

Me- Very Zen-y.

Max- It pisses me off.

Me- Care for a mildly comforting comment?

Max- Sure.

Me- Of all the people I know...

Max- Yeah?

Me- You're one of them.

Max- *slaps me*

Me- I probably deserved that...

Max- If it makes you feel better, I liked the first half.

Me- Okaaaaaay, that doesn't, but whatever.

Max- As for the second half... *slaps again*

Me- Not quite sure I deserved that one...

Max- *slaps* Stop ripping off Pirates of the Carribean!

Me- I'm leaving now.

* * *

**Well, I think that was really stupid, but stupid seems to work! Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this, and since you read it, why not REVIEW?**

**Okay, just like last time 3 things for you to do...**

**A) Ask some questions for Max to answer. (about anything)**

**B) Tell me what you want me and Max to do next! Seriously, I'm drawing a blank.**

**C) REVIEW! PLEASE!**


	5. Burning the Plushie!

**Me- Hello world! I am really excited about this chapter!**

**Max- Why?**

**Me- Cuz we only got five reviews for the last one!**

**Max- And that makes you happy because…?**

**Me-The first chapter did way better than I expected, the second a lot worse than I expected, the third better, the fourth worse, so therefore…**

**Max- I get it. Want me to thank the reviewers?**

**Me- Uhh… *rereads reviews* Nah, I'll handle 'em.**

**--Doaneochoa- **I don't need therapy, and I don't- oh, questions for Max. Missed that part.

**--Natvv- **Aaaaaaand we have a new winner. ;)

**--Jade Sparkles- **Another short n' sweet one!

**--Aleria14- **I AM taking Max to school and it WILL be fun as hell. Trust me. Then again, hell isn't supposed to be fun…

**--nudge-potter- **Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. We'll find out soon enough, though.

**And here we go!**

* * *

Me- *is sitting next to a fire*

Max- What are you doing?

Me- Performing a sacrificial ritual.

Max- Say what?

Me- Praying to the gods of fanfiction for ideas, since I'm all out.

Max- Ah.

Me- Would you care to join?

Max- Sure, whatever. I'll translate for the readers, since I doubt they speak Pig Spanglish.

Me- Okay. Oh mucho ien-bay oddess-gay de la fanficciones ilariouso-hay, Santo Ang-fay del Oredom-bay…

Mas- Oh good goddess of the hilarious fanfics, Saint Fang of- wait, are you saying Saint is a goddess of fanfiction?

Me- Have you read "Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu"?

Max- You read it to me.

Me- Aaaaaaand…

Max- You have a point.

Me- And you mistranslated a bit. "mucho ien-bay" means "great", not good, and "ilariouso-hay" just means "funny".

Max- F%$ you.

Me- Orgive-fay la lingua de mi amigo eathered-fay, or-pay avor-fay. Ella es un idiota maxima.

Max- Forgive the language of my feathered friend, please. Ella is a, uh, maximum idiot. Are you calling my sister an idiot?!?

Me- No, "ella" means "she".

Max- Oh. Wait a minute…!

Me- Or-pay avor-fay accept eso acrificio-say y ant-gray ability comico a nosotros.

Max- Please accept this sacrifice and grant comic ability to us.

Me- Max, you can throw the sacrifice into the fire.

Max- It's in a bag. What is it? *tosses in*

Me- It's Saint, what do you think she'd like?

Max- I dunno, a picture of Fang?

Me- Even better. A Fang plushie.

Max- Cool, I wish I had one.

*crickets chirp*

Max- Heeeeeeeeeeeey wait a minute…

Me- Yeah?

Max- YOU JUST BURNED MY FANG PLUSHIE!!! YOU **[*****the following has been censored to preserve the sanity of the readers*]**

Me- No I didn't. You threw it into the fire.

Max- I'M GONNA F%$ING KILL YOU!!!! *lunges at my throat*

* * *

Max- *wakes up screaming* AAAaaaAAAaaaAAAGH!!!

Me- What the hell?

Me- Sorry, bad dream.

Me- Ah. *pokes fire with a stick*

Max- What are you… NO MINI-FANG!!! I'LL SAAAAVE YOOOOOOOUUUU!!! *dives into fire*

Me- What the-

Max- Owowowow YEEESSS! I saved him! He's only slightly charr- what the hell is this?

Me- My sister got "The Final Warning" from the library, and in order to spare her from reading that crap, I was burning it. **(A/N: And therefore contributing to global warming... MWAHAHAHA!!)**

Max- Oh, so you're not burning my Fang plushie(s)?

Me- Nope.

Max- Thank Fang.

Me- Thank _Fang?_

Max- I didn't say that.

Me- Do you mean you WORSHIP your EMO ANGEL?? Is he your ANGELIC EMO GOD??

Max- I NEVER SAID THAT!!!

Me- Do you go door-to-door recruiting for the Fnick's Witnesses?

Max- SHUT UP!!!

Me- FNICK'S WITNESS!!!

Max- I NEVER SAID ANYTHING!!

Me- YOU'RE LYING!! YOU'RE GONNA BURN IN JEB!!!

Max- That doesn't even make sense!

Me- Yeah it does.

Max- Uh… whatever.

Me- … I'm bored now.

Max- Yeah. Anyway, have you seen my plushie? I can't find him… or any of 'em, for that matter…

Me- Yeah, about that…

Max- _What did you do?!?!?!_

_

* * *

_

**DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! CLIFFY!!!**

**Okay, not really... Ah, whatever. You now the drill, but here's a _review_:**

**A) ASK MAX QUESTIONS IN YOUR _REVIEW!!! SHE'LL RESPOND!!! (The Q&A chapter is coming soon! Just a few more...)_**

**B) ALSO WHILE REVIEWING, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO NEXT!!! (Please, I'm begging you.)**

**C) IF YOU DIDN'T GET THE HINT... REVIEW!!!**


	6. Q & A Part 1

**Me- Hi everybody!**

**Max- Hello world.**

**Me- Now I'm sure you're all dying to know what I did with Max's Fang plushies...**

**Max- The anxiety is killing me.**

**Me- Buuuuuuut... I have no idea what I did either! So while I debate my options, here's the long-awaited (well, kinda) Q & A with Max!**

**Max- Oh joy!**

**Me- Ditch the sarcasm.**

**Max- Screw you.**

**Me- In order to get straight to the questions I'm just going to thank my reviewers all at once...**

**-nudge-potter**

**-Natvv**

**-neoxgeo**

**-Jade Sparkles**

**I believe I replied to all your reviews, please don't kill me if I forgot.**

**Max- WE replied.**

**Me- Ah yes, WE did. Here we go!**

**

* * *

**

Me- I was gonna update my other story, but I couldn't log on to Fanfiction for some reason, so I'm gonna do the Q&A now instead!

Max- Uh… You still can't publish it.

Me- I will later. But now it's question time!

Max- Sweet Caking Fang Muffins.

Me- I'm going to pretend that made sense and read the first question! From Drusilla Holden, **Would you rather make out with Vodemort or a Dementor?**

Max- Fang.

Me- Sorry, wrong answer, try again.

Max- I never even read those books!

Me- Voldy's the noseless snake-obsessed definition of evil, and Dementors are flying Jedi-skeletons that suck out your soul.

Max- Uh… Goddamn, this is a tough one. Would I survive either way?

Me- Voldy'd probably kill you, but the other creep would steal your soul. Actually, if Voldy let you make out with him, he probably wouldn't kill you, but then the gay, old, and creepy (in my opinion) Dumbledore said…

Max- Voldy.

Me- Okay. From the Winner, aka Natvv, **What do you think about spell checkers suggesting "Buddha" for "Buaha"?**

Max- Does it do that?

Me- Let's see. "Buaha" suggestions- Buena, Bauhaus, Bah, Bahia, and Bush. Whaddya know, it doesn't. Not on this computer, at least.

Max- So can we skip this one?

Me- Yeah. From nudge-potter… *bursts out laughing* I'm just gonna put the whole thing in- **"Where are you buying these plushies? I mean, I just googled it, and there are none! Are you making them, spinning your love for Fang into every stitch, you're heart aching for your beloved? So when you are reunited, you may be creepy emo mutants on the run together?"**

Max- Can we skip this one too?

Me- Hell no! I love this question!

Max- *mumbles*

Me- What was that?

Max- Mhm.

Me- Hmm?

Max- YES! THEY'RE HANDMADE! I SPEND HOURS AT A TIME HARD AT WORK, PUTTING A PIECE OF MY LOVE INTO EVERY THREAD! God… Are we done yet?

Me- Nope! From doaneochoa, **D****o you need therapy?**

Max- Yes. Especially after that last question.

Me- Also from doaneochoa, **W****hy do you like Fang and not Iggy?**

Max- …

Me- I think it's because she likes emo guys.

Max- FANG'S NOT EMO! Well, actually, he is, but…

Me- Maybe it's because "Blind Pyro Chef Angel" doesn't have the same ring as "Emo Angel".

Max- FANG'S NOT MY EMO ANGEL!

Me- Or Iggy just failed the compatibility test in Max's copy of 17 Magazine.

Max- What?

Me- Maybe there was a disastrous Miggy relationship that James Patterson just cut out of the books.

Max- Now that's just stupid.

Me- I know! You're pretending to be in love with Fang in order to make Iggy jealous!

Max- IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE A DEEP HIDDEN PREJUDICE AGAINST HANDICAPPED PEOPLE!

Me- …

Max- Was that out loud?

Me- Yes.

Max- S%#. I think we're done.

Me- We still have a lot of questions!

Max- No. We're done. Let's end this. Now. *reaches to turn off computer*

Me- WE'LL BE BACK WITH PART TWO! STAY TUN- *computer turns off*

* * *

**Max- You forgot the disclaimer.**

**Me- Would James Patterson write this crap?**

**Max- You've got a point there.**

**Me- As I mentioned, this was only Part 1! You can still submit your questions for Max!**

**Max- By reviewing.**

**Me- While you're at it, lemme know what we should do next! I've gotten some great ideas, but I'm not gonna stop until I get something amazing!**

**Max- In other words, review.**

**Me- Why are you helping me?**

**Max- Do I have a choice?**

**Me- Good point...**

**Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max**


	7. Q & A Part 2

**Me- Well, for some strange reason, I updated at about 9 last night, but the chapter didn't go up 'til 3 in the morning! Weird...**

**Max- I think it's a sign that you should give up.**

**Me- No way! Anyway, for some reason, that got me pretty pissed off, so...**

**Max- You wrote this chapter really quick in order to make up for it?**

**Me- Exactly! I know it doesn't make any sense, but neither does this story, so hey!**

**Max- And the real books make sense, so he obviously doesn't own them.**

**Me- Yup, and I'd like to thank the three people who were awake at 3 and reviewed: WiShInG4WiNgZ, Jade Sparkles, and nudge-potter! I sure hope it wasn't 3 wherever you guys live...**

**Max- And now on with the story?**

**Me- ON WITH THE STORY!!!

* * *

**

Me- Aaaaaaaand we're back with part two of Q & A!!

Max- Oh joy.

Me- Let's get right to it!

Max- Seeing as I don't have a choice, okay. Who's first?

Me- Neoxgeo! **Why you just stab him (me) when he isn't looking, then take your plushie and run (or fly) away?**

Max- He hid the knives. I'm still looking for another sharp object. And for my plushie… What did you do with it?

Me- Next chapter, my creepy emo mutant friend! Now, from Natvv…**Would you rather burn in hell or Jeb?**

Max- Jeb is the Fnick's Witness version of hell. Technically, they're the same thing.

Me- Except Jeb is worse.

Max- Oh definitely.

Me- What about Jeb burning in you?

Max- Huh? How is that…

Me- *evil grin*

Max- YOU SICK PERVERTED SEXIST MOTHERF%$ING PIG!!!

Me- *laughs hysterically* Okay, the next question is from nudge-potter, here's the whole thing: **Max, what are your views on Twilight? Because I've seen so many crossovers with you and those repulsive evil freaks! Seriously, if I stuck you, the Twilight characters and the flock in a room with no windows and crowbar, who would come out, the mutant or the vampires/werewolves?**

Max- That depends. If Gazzy had Mexican food for dinner, then he'd be the only one to survive. Otherwise, they'd get their sorry little vampire butts kicked.

Me- What about the werewolves? There are werewolves in Twilight, right…?

Max- Erasers, Werewolves, what's the difference? Either way, they're screwed.

Me- From WiShInG4WiNgZ- **W****hat would you do if Fang suddenly became all bright and sunshine? Like, if he wore yellow and talked a lot? Would he still be your Angel?**

Max- Can I not answer this question?

Me- Nope!

Max- Okay, well, Fang without all the dark, emo stuff, well, isn't Fang. If he suddenly turned all bright and cheery, I'd beat him up and ask him what he did with the real Fang.

Me- Would he still be your Not-So-Emo Angel?

Max- I know what you want me to say.

Me- What is that?

Max- Fang will always and forever be my angel, whether he is emo or not.

Me- Next question!

Max- What? That wasn't… You tricked me!

Me- I didn't do anything, you tricked yourself. Anyway, from Jade Sparkles, **What would you do if an eraser popped up?**

Max- Kill it. No, I'd let it kill you, then I'd pull your intestines out through your ass and use them to strangle the Eraser.

Me- Considerate.

Max- We done yet?

Me- One left! Yet another from nudge-potter, about your plushie-making skills, **Where did you learn the sewing skills? I mean, you're on the run for most of your young life, and where do you learn sewing skills? **

Max- Remember when Fang suggested I learn how to make clothes out of root fibers? Which book was that in?

Me- I dunno, I haven't read the books in forever. And yes, I know what you mean.

Max- Well… I kinda did. Well, not with root fibers, but with string and stuff. I learned the whole shebang, including, well, how to make a Fang plushie. I designed it myself.

Me- When exactly did you learn? It sure as hell wasn't in the books.

Max- I learned when James Patterson wasn't looking.

Me- I knew he was a stalker. What else do you do when James Patterson isn't looking?

Max- Is that a question from a reviewer?

Me- Uh, no, not really.

Max- Then I'm not answering.

Me- Oh well. That brings us to the end of part two, I hope everyone enjoyed it!

Max- I sure as hell didn't.

Me- Nobody cares what you think.

* * *

**Max- That was stupid.**

**Me- I agree! But just because we're done with the questions for now doesn't mean you should halt the flow of inquiries! We'll do a part three sometime, but we've got to get back to the plot!**

**Max- There's a plot?**

**Me- No, not really, but anyways, you know the drill! If you don't know the drill, check one of the last few chapters! The 3 things for you to do haven't changed. **

**Max- Will they ever?**

**Me- As long as you're here, no!**

**Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max**


	8. Too Random for a Name

**Me- And we're back!**

**Max- Why do I feel bad about this chapter?**

**Me- Probably 'cuz I'm making it up on the fly!**

**Max- Well, this should be fun.**

**Me- Yeah, thanks to emostrawberrie for reviewing, and a HUGE thanks to nudge-potter and Natvv, who I think have reviewed every chapter so far. Give it up for them!**

**Max- Whoop-dee-do.**

**Me- You suck. I'm glad I don't own you or your story.**

**Max- Really?**

**Me- No f%$#ing way, I'd be rich!**

**Max- You keep coming up with interesting ways to do the disclaimer...**

* * *

_***Picking up where we left off...***_

Max- Yeah. Anyway, have you seen my plushie? I can't find him… or any of 'em, for that matter…

Me- Yeah, about that…

Max- _What did you do?_

Me- Oh, nothing...

Max- Bull.

Me- Okay, so I'm running low on cash...

Max- Whaddya mean, you're running low on cash? I've seen your money!

Me- I'm buying a guitar and a new iPod, I need some money to have for other things.

Max- Like...?

Me- You've never take someone to Homecoming?

Max- Why would I have?

Me- Yeah, well, it's expensive.

Max- DON'T GET OFF TOPIC! Where's the plushie?

Me- Ummm... to raise some cash... I started a webstore!

Max- A webstore?

Me- Yup!

Max- Lemme guess. Fangplushies . com?

Me- Nah.

Max- Good.

Me- **Flock**plushies . com!

Max- When was the last time I said I hate you?

Me- Unfortunately, all the Fang plushies sold out. Can you make some more?

Max- Why would I do that?

Me- 50% profits!

Max- ! Yes!

Me- And I have a request for a Lissa plushie...

Max- No way.

Me- Wait, my bad. A Lissa **voodoo doll.**

Max- YES! STITCH THE BITCH!

* * *

_***A few days later***_

Max- AAAaaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAAaaa...

Me- Goddamn! Why do you always wake up screaming?

Max- WHERE'S MY F$%ING HAIR?

Me- You got a haircut.

Max- I look like a guy!

Me- There's a reason for that. *tosses roll of athletic tape* Tape yourself up and put on those clothes.

Max- Wait... what? Why?

Me- School starts today.

Max- And why do I have to look like a guy at church?

Me- Private school.

Max- And the other half...?

Me- All-boys.

* * *

_***Later that day***_

Max- Why did you take me to your school?

Me- Why not?

Max- Um, because the male-female ratio is like 600-1?

Me- 601-0. As far as anyone knows, you're a dude now.

Max- I SURE AS HELL KNOW!

Me- At least you didn't half to change your name.

Max- Father Ramirez called me "Maximilian." MAXIMILIAN!

Me- Yeah, well, most girls would love being around hundreds of guys uncontested.

Max- Yeah, but there are two problems.

Me- Please, enlighten me!

Max- One, I'm taken.

Me- You're never gonna give up on Monsieur Emo, are you?

Max- Two, they'd think I'm gay!

Me- Haha, that would be funny.

Max- I'M NOT GAY!

Me- Well, then you should get with Fromo the Homo.

Max- What?

Me- Fromo the Homo! As far as we know, he's gay.

Max- I gathered that...

Me- Did you like _anything_ about my school?

Max- No red-haired girls...

Me- Obviously.

Max- And your World History teacher is kinda cute.

Me- Way to contradict yourself and your "problems".

* * *

_***As if this couldn't get any stranger...***_

Me- How many of you guys read "Iggy Ramblings"?

Max- You forgot the ":D" at the end.

Me- Whatever. Well if you don't, you should!

Max- You're plugging someone else's story in your story?

Me- *ignores Max* But if you **do**, then you'll have noticed that we were right all along!

Max- About what?

Me- Iggy's gay!

Max- When did we say that?

Me- "Iggy on Estrogen!"

Max- What does that have to do with gayness?

Me- Uhhh... nothing really. And he isn't really gay, he's probably just bi. Anyway, I've got news relating to that story! It's very likely that me and Max will have a sleepover with Bell and Iggy somethime in the future!

Max- WOOOOOHOOO! I GET TO SEE IGGY! Sweeeeeet.

Me- Too bad he won't get to see you.

Max- Haha, laugh it up, jerk.

Me- Hey, you're the one with the deep inner prejudice!

Max- When was the last time I told you I hate you?

* * *

**Me- We got over 100 hits last chapter!**

**Max- Sooo...**

**Me- I dunno. I know this was stupid and random, but I hoped you liked it nonetheless!**

**Max- Review, ask me questions, review, give him ideas, review, comment on the story, and review. In that order.**

**Me- It's nice when you're helpful!**

**Max- Don't get used to it.**

**-Matt&Max**


	9. A Filler Chapter, I Guess

**Me- You wanted it, you got it.**

**Max- This chapter isn't that great. Heck, it kinda sucks.**

**Me- I agree with you for once. But you guys wanted a new chapter, so here one is.**

**Max- Didn't you have two crappy chapters?**

**Me- Yeah, I found an old chapter I never put up, since it was not that good, and I was going publish it along with this one. You kow, two is better than one, even in mediocre fanfic chapters!**

**Max- I'll never understand your logic.**

**Me- Sometimes I don't either. Anyway, I was editing the other one when my internet screwed up, and I lost all the changes. So I'll either put it up tomorrow, or not at all.**

**Max- Not at all, please. That one is all people-getting-hit-in-the-nuts jokes.**

**Me- Whatever. Thanks to…**

**--emostrawberrie**

**--nudge-potter**

**--Natvv**

**--doaneochoa**

**…for reviewing and forcing me to do this! (Just kidding) Here we go…**

**

* * *

**

Max- I'm wearing a suit. A SUIT. A MEN'S SUIT. WHY do you have to go to an all-boys school?

Me- It freakin' OWNS! And we don't always wear the suit, only for Mass and pictures.

Max- It's 90 degrees. NINETY F%$ING DEGREES!!!!!

Me- …And? That's normal…

Max- WE'RE WEARING F%$ING SUITS!!!!

Me- Get over it, it's not THAT bad.

Max- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S SUFFOCATING!! I'M GOING TO… I'm… I… *passes out*

Me- Great. Now I've got to-

GT- MAX IS UNCONSIOUS! QUICK! EVERYBODY DRAW ROCKET SHIPS™ ON HIM!

Me- Hmm, should I stop them, or help…?

Shoulder Angel- Do the right thing! Prevent the vulgarity!

Me- Hm. Where's your friend? I want both sides.

Shoulder Angel- He's home sick. His replacement should be along shortly…

Shoulder Angel- Hi! Sorry I'm late, Total had to go out…

Me- Wait, ANGEL is my Shoulder Devil? This is gonna get confusing.

Shoulder Angel- Well, I'm not REALLY Angel, I'm a miniature spiritual incarnation of her.

Me- Well, this isn't gonna be fair. Non-Angel Shoulder Angel, can you, like, get a replacement real quick that might even the playing field? You know, like, not me with wings?

Shoulder Angel- No prob. *disappears*

Shoulder Angel- I didn't get told what's going on here. What do I want you to do?

Me- Draw Rocket Ships™ on Max.

Max- What's wrong with that?

Me- Oh yeah, that's over your head…

Shoulder Iggy- Where the hell am I?

Me- Oh, now this will be interesting…

Shoulder Angel- Iggy! You're supposed to be the good guy! You can't say hell!

Shoulder Iggy- Okay. Where the heaven am I?

Shoulder Angel- That's better. And I am NOT going to compete with Iggy on this, no WAY! It's not fair!

Shoulder Iggy- You're the bad guy! You want it to not be fair!

Shoulder Angel- I don't care! I quit!

Shoulder Iggy- You can't quit!

Shoulder Angel- Just watch me! *disappears*

Shoulder Iggy- I CAN'T WATCH! I'M F%$ING BLIND!

Shoulder Fang- *appears* Hey, whazzup Ig?

Shoulder Iggy- Fang? Is that you? I can't see, I don't know where I am…

Shoulder Fang- Well, I can't help you with that, I don't know where I am either…

Me- HELLO? I'M STILL HERE!

Shoulder Fang- Who the hell are you?

Me- *sigh* Just get the hell off my shoulders.

Shoulder Iggy and Fang- *disappear*

Shoulder Nudge- *appears*

Me- Goddammit. I give up.

* * *

Max- Where am I?

Me- You were unconscious.

Max- That explains the headache… Wait a minute…

Me- Yeah?

Max- WHY THE F%$ AM I COVERED IN DRAWINGS OF PENISES?!?!?!?!?!?

Me- They're not penises, they're Rocket Ships™!

Shoulder Angel- Oh, so THAT'S what you meant…

Me- Get off my shoulder!

Max- Why were you just talking to your shoulder?

Me- Shoulder Angel.

Max- Ah, I've just got that Goddamn Voice.

Me- No, seriously, Shoulder ANGEL.

Max- Whatever.

Fromo the Homo- Hey Max! Wow, I like your suit! Where'd you get it?

Max- I AM TIRED OF YOU HITTING ON ME!! I DON'T LIKE GAY GUYS!!

Me- Fang is gay. He's just pretending to like you to in order to get Iggy to realize he's gay, too.

Max- DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!?!?

Me- Eh, not really.

Fromo the Homo- Deep breaths, Max, deep breaths. Here's a stress ball.

Max- *squeezes stress ball like a lunatic* Wow, thanks Fromo, that actually help- Is this stress ball shaped like a... a...

Fromo- A Rocket Ship™!

Me- Whaddya know, he really is gay.

* * *

**Me- Wow, that was inappropriate.**

**Max- Wow, that was stupid.**

**Me- Anyyyyywaaaaayyyy... There are a few thing for you guys to do! ONE!**

**Max- We might be changing the name of the story, due to a recent lack of dog kennels. Vote for your favorite title in the poll, or give us your own!**

**Me- TWO!**

**Max- Stay tuned! The next chapter (now in the works) will feature lockouts, food fights, and a crazy black Irish priest! Can you say EPIC?!?!?**

**Me- THREE!**

**Max- As always, ask me questions, give us ideas, and REVIEW! Please, give us a reason to actually publish that epic chapter!**

**Me- That's all for now, we'll be back soon with more! Thanks for reading!**

**-Matt&Max**


	10. THE EPIC CHAPTER!

**Me- Here it is… the long-awaited EPIC CHAPTER!**

**Max- What's so epic about it?**

**Me- Well, first, it's CAPTIULO NUMERO DIEZ!**

**Max- And…?**

**Me- A story as stupid as this should NEVER get to the tenth chapter!**

**Max- I agree 100%. Why else?**

**Me- We're going out of our way to thank everyone who's forced me to keep making more!**

**Max- And…?**

**Me- Plus, this chapter has the potential to be the best yet!**

**Max- Potential?**

**Me- Yeah, It'll be hard to top Emo Angel.**

**Max- Fang is not my Emo Angel!**

**Me- Step 1 on the road to recovery is admitting you have a problem…**

**Max- What's that got to do with anything?**

**Me- I dunno. You know what I wanna do?**

**Max- What?**

**Me- This. *whacks with herring***

**Max- What the f%$# was that for?**

**Me- I felt like it. This is an insanely long A/N…**

**Max- So…?**

**Me- Let's make it longer! Thanks to all our reviewers EVER, now listed in order!**

**Max- Uhh… Where's the list?**

**Me- Meh, it's on my email… Hmm… Why did Pandora email me about a station I created three months ago? Ah, screw it, the list: INFINITE THANKS TO…**

**-6464MiniDiceofRandomness**

**-firemax**

**-Jade Iceshard Bloodrayne**

**-White Wing Alchemist**

**-nudge-potter**

**-Nova Ride**

**-Team Jasper and Volturi**

**-KCEmoGurl**

**-WiShInG4WiNgZ**

**-Natvv**

**-MaXiMuMrIDEisThEbeSTBoOkeVeR**

**-iheartjoshramsay**

**-Bell and Iggy**

**-Drusilla Holden**

**-doaneochoa**

**-Jade Sparkles**

**-neoxgeo**

**-emostrawberrie**

**-Meh A Love Song**

**-Saint and Fang**

**Max- Yay Fang!**

**Me- And here we go…**

**Max- DISCLAIMER!**

**Me- Okay, okay… I own Max.**

**Max- Burn in Jeb.**

* * *

_***Computer Class***_

Everyone- *typing away in typing program*

Max- Why?

Me- Why what?

Max- Why do we have to learn how to type fast without looking at the keyboard?

Me- I've got nothing. Honestly, it's not that important.

Max- And of all people, why _me?_ How will this help me save the world?

Me- Imagine if Iggy was in this class… And I thought Joey had it bad…

Max- Joey?

Me- He broke his arm.

Joey- Control… Alt… Hey dude, can you hit delete?

Max- Anyway, this thing is messed up! Seriously… Random word practice? What the hell? *goes back to typing* Be…

Me- *types* Being…

Max- *still typing* Been…

Me- *gets idea* Fang…

Max- Is…

Me- Gay…

Max- And…

Me- Max…

Max- Screws…

Me- Erasers…

Max- Since…

Me- Iggy…

Max- Is…

Me- Gay…

Max- With…

Me- Fang…

Max- Are you actually typing that?

Me- Typing what?

Max- Never mind…

Mr. L- Okay class, the bell's about to ring, so if you're done, you can go back to the classroom and get your books. Joey, you're done, here's the key.

Joey- Cool. *walks out* DAMMIT… Oh s$%#... *walks back in* Do you have another key?

Mr. L- Uh… no.

Joey- Well crap, 'cuz I just broke it.

Matt- Never trust a cripple…

Mr. L- You _broke _a _key?_

Joey- Yeah, I dunno how, but…

Mr. L- Okay, I'll just call maintenance, just tell your teachers what happened, because you're all going to be late.

Max- Awesome, we get to miss some class!

Me- I feel sorry for whoever has Father McCleggan next…

Max- Wait… Oh s$%#.

* * *

_***Father McCleggan's Classroom***_

Max- *bursts in* SosorryI'mlateFatherMr. L'-

Fr. McCleggan (Crazy black Irish priest)- Mister Ride, do not insult my intelligence by blaming a member of the faculty for thy lateness! It is more that apparent that you were simply lollygagging and dillydallying with your so-called friends! You insolent teenagers have no respect for your elders or for education! As the Bible says… **(five minutes later)** …and so you will have detention tomorrow!

Max- Yeah, thanks. *sits down* Dear Lord…

Fr. McCleggan- Now we shall pick up where we left off, with the preterite tense. What is the preterite _yo_ form of _lavar?_ Anyone? _Lavé!_ You should know that! The preterite endings! Everyone now, _-é, aste, ó, amos, asteis, aron…_

Max- _-é, as…te, ó,a…mo… _*eyes start to close* _s…, ast…_ *falls asleep*

Fang- Max! Wake up! I've come to save you!

Max- *jumps up* FANG?

Gazzy- We all have!

Nudge- OMG, they turned you into a boy?

Max- No, but this one loser made me _look_ like one…

Angel- You don't look all that bad, Max…

Iggy- I honestly don't care what she looks like, let's just get the hell out of here!

Max- Wait, how did you guys just randomly appear?

The Voice- _Don't argue! Just leave!_

Max- Hey, guess who's back! Where have you been?

Obi-Wan Kenobi- Run Luke!

Max- WTF?

Fromo the Homo- Whoa Max, where'd everyone come from?

Max- Where'd _you_ come from, you're not in this class!

Voldemort- AVADA KEDAVRA!

Fromo- *dies*

Max- YOU KILLED FROMO THE HOMO!

Voldemort- Sorry, it's my thing.

Max- I was gonna thank you.

Total- I would advise that we leave as soon as possible.

Max- Yeah, lets.

Iggy- NOT SO FAST! *tears off clothes* *starts dancing in underwear*

Flock- *gapes*

Obi-Wan- *joins Iggy*

Mr. Rogers in an Uncle Sam suit- I want YOU to be my neighbor!

Max- *facepalms* I'd better be dreaming…

Father McCleggan- MISTER RIDE!

Max- *wakes up* DEATH TO THE INFIDELS! Wait, what?

Father McCleggan- How dare you insult my intelligence by sleeping in my class! You are supposed to learn here, not sleep! Night is for sleeping, not staying up late on Facebox and Twitspace and all of those fancy interweb jimjams! As the Bible says… (five minutes later) …and so you will have detention tomorrow!

Max- F my life.

* * *

_***Later, at lunch***_

Colin- I AM HUNTER'S DADDY!

T- Hell no, I am!

Colin- I raised him!

T- I'm his actual father!

Colin- But you never pay the Goddamn child support!

T- Hunter don't need no f$%#ing child support!

Hunter- *sigh* Will this ever end?

Me- No. Damn, I need more lemonade. *gets up and leaves tacos to refill drink*

Max- *steals taco shell and scoops up beef* Mmm, that's good. I shouldn't have gotten a sandwich. *finishes off taco beef*

Me- *walks back* *sighs* Great.

Rob- What?

Me- Why am I not surprised that someone jacked my meat?

Rob- Ooooh…

Me- Aaaah…

Me and Rob- HIGH FIVE! *high fives*

Rob- That was a good one!

Me- I know, but I'm still hungry.

John Connor- That's what she said.

Max- *facepalms* Seriously, you guys…?

Sam- Max, you gonna eat your salad?

Max- Yeah.

Sam- You sure?

Max- That's what "yeah" means.

Sam- Positive?

Max- Sí señor.

Sam- You suck.

Max- Well I'm hungry. And thirsty, I need some more lemonade… *gets up and leaves*

Sam- *grabs Max's salad and dumps it on her plate over her other food*

Max- *comes back* Goddammit! Sam, you bastard!

Sam- I didn't do anything!

Max- Bull. Matt, did he do this?

Me- I didn't see, I was talking with Rob.

Rob- I didn't see anything either.

Max- T?

T- I AM HUNTER'S DADDY!

Colin- YOU'RE HUNTER'S DEADBEAT DADDY!

T- But I AM his daddy!

Max- You guys are no help…

Hunter- It was Sam.

Sam- F%$# you.

Max- Thanks Hunter. Now I have a reason to do this. *tosses Sam's salad*

Sam- Bitch, really?

Max- Don't call me bitch!

Sam- Why not? You are one.

Me- This can't be good…

Max- Burn in hell.

Sam- *throws Coke can at Max*

Max- DIE F$%#ER! *jumps over table at Sam*

Sam- Yaaaah! *beans Max with a burrito*

Max- *jumps on top of Sam and starts punching like a maniac*

Fr. McCleggan- MISTER RIDE!

Max- *sigh* Why me?

* * *

Me- *walks into office* This isn't gonna be good…

Fr. McCleggan- We are going to call your parents and I WILL have you expelled for this! *dials phone*

Max- *looks at me desperately*

Me- Crap, who's number did I put down as her parents? *cell phone rings* Oh, yeah…

Fr. McCleggan- THERE ARE NO CELL PHONES IN SCHOOL! You are one unlucky boy, but you deserve the detention! Give me the phone!

Me- *sneakily turns phone off* *hands it to el padre*

Fr. McCleggan- Well, your parents seem to have hung up. Let's try again, shall we? *redials*

Max- (Whispered) Well, we're both screwed now…

Me- (Whispered) I turned my phone off, it won't ring now.

Max- Won't it go straight to voicemail?

Me- S$%#, you're right… Please please please don't recognize my voice…

Fr. McCleggan- Well, it seems your parents are not able to answer the phone, so you are going to get limited punishment until we can reach them! A week's detention, Saturday detention, and disciplinary probation!

Max- What fun…

* * *

_***Detention, picking up trash***_

Me- Great, My parents are gonna kill me and it's your fault.

Max- How is it my fault?

Me- You beat up Sam.

Max- If I didn't go to school here, I wouldn't have beat him up!

Me- If you weren't so untrustworthy, I wouldn't have made you go to school here.

Max- If you didn't capture me, none of this would have happened!

Me- If I wasn't bored, I wouldn't have captured you. *collapses onto bench*

Max- Boredom sucks. *sits down*

Me- Agreed. *awkward silence* You do know you're not going anywhere, right?

Max- I'm starting to come to terms with that fact.

Me- Well, if we keep hating each other, this is gonna happen over and over again, and it'll screw up both of our lives.

Max- I hate to say it, but I think you're right.

Me- Truce?

Max- Truce.

Me- One condition.

Max- What?

Me- Fang's still gay.

Max- You suck.

Me- Iggy likes Ella.

Max- You're pushing it…

Me- And you like Fromo.

Max- Okay, you asked for it! *attacks*

Fr. McCleggan- MISTER RIDE!

Max- *sigh* I hate my life...

* * *

**Me- T****hat was really long.**

**Max- You can say that again.**

**Me- That was really long.**

**Max- *facepalms***

**Me- Heck, this is the longest chapter I've ever written, including anything from STW?.**

**Max- Good for you.**

**Me- Just thought I'd say it: as far as I know, Fang and Iggy aren't gay, Iggy doesn't like Ella, and Max doesn't screw Erasers.**

**Max- Thank you.**

**Me- But that's all true in this story!**

**Max- I take it back. You suck.**

**Me- *evil grin* Oh, and thanks to Saint and Fang, we've got more than enough questions for a Part 3 of our Q & A!**

**Max- Oh joy.**

**Me- It's late-ish, but if I finish quickly enough, it'll be up pretty soon after this one. Still, questions are always requested as a part of your REVIEW! ;)**

**Max- Please don't make them give you ideas, you've gotten enough already.**

**Me- Where's the fun in that? Here at MM&aDK, we're always open to new ideas! (hint hint)**

**Max- Are we done?**

**Me- I know I'm forgetting something... Ah, screw it, I'll just say it in the Q & A. Thanks for reading, we'll be back with more soon!**

**-Matt&Max**

**Me- Oh yeah! I remember! We may change the story's name, so please please please vote in the poll.**

**Max- We done now?**

**Me- Yeah, I think so.**


	11. Q & A Part 3

**Me- Alright, I think we'll just jump right into this!**

**Max- After the last chapter, short is better.**

**Me- Agreed. No need for a disclaimer, right?**

**Max- Anyone who thinks you're JP shouldn't be reading this.**

**Me- That works! Let's go!**

**

* * *

**

Me- Question time!

Max- Joy.

Me- I found one that we missed last time… From Jade Sparkles, **if you had Angel's powers and you were alone with Fang, What do you do?**

Max- I'd see what he really thinks when we're making out.

Me- Wow, you willingly answered a question honestly.

Max- Anyone who couldn't figure that one out on their own…

Me- Point. Here's a fun one from Natvv: **You're in Jigsaw's "game" room (SAW). Your emo angel is suspended over a spinny meat cleaver thingy, and he keeps getting lower. There's a control panel to close the floor, but it takes a key. The key is inside your ribs. There's a knife on the table. He's still falling ! What do you do ?**

Max- I pick up the knife, fly over to him, cut off his ropes, and we fly off together.

Me- Natvv, you shoulda seen that one coming…

Max- Definitely.

Me- Next! From… oh joy… from Fang… **Max, have you tried to escape yet?**

Max- What do you think I've been doing for the last… how long has it been?

Me- I don't know… let's see… July 13th. Wow… gaining on two months!

Max- Yeah. What do you think I've been doing for the last, uh, since July 13th?

Me- And another from Fang… **Max, why are you making plushies of me?**

Max- No offense Fang, but I answered that last time, and I still need therapy…

Me- From Saint Fang of Boredom…**And what are you doing with them when James Patterson's not looking? **Then, from Fang, **Alone.** And from Saint, **In bed.**

Max- *blank stare*

Me- I don't know why you're asking Max, Saint, why not just ask Fang?

Max- You. Are. Nasty. And perverted. And sick. And twisted. And-

Me- But Saint and Fang aren't done yet! Fang wants to know: **Do you really think I'm emo?**

Max- No! You just express yourself in your own, uh, unique way…

Me- A unique way which is shared by thousands of emos across the globe.

Max- Didn't I answer that last time, too?

Me- Yeah, probably. **Hey, if you have to go to the bathroom when you're at the boy's school, what do you do? Use the guy's room?**

Max- Not if I can help it. There are a couple of girl's rooms on campus, but they're hard to get to… so I generally just hold it. But if I absolutely have to… As long as nobody's in there.

Me- Fang's turn… **If you escape, will you save me from Saint?**

Max- Why wouldn't I?

Me- Saint… **What would you do if I told you Fang and I were sleeping together?**

Max- Heheh, you know, the way you said that, it sounds like _you're_ sleeping with Fang…

Me- *sigh* Answer the question.

Max- Okay, Saint, I'd rip out Matt's intestines, fly up to wherever you are, and use them to strangle you.

Me- How considerate…

Max- You're welcome.

Me- From Saint (shocker), **Have you gotten over your prejudice against the handicapped yet?**

Max- Yes, and I'd like to issue a formal apology to Iggy… IGGY! I'M SOOOO FREAKIN' SORRY!

Me- But thanks to Fromo, she now has a prejudice against gay people.

Max- True. Next?

Me- Guess who.

Max- Saint and/or Fang?

Me- NO! Bell and the Blind Pyro Chef!

Max- *sigh* Hit me.

Me- *whacks with herring*

Max- What the…? *sigh* That's not what I meant.

Me- I know, I'm just an asshole. **Max, how many Fang plushies do you own?**

Max- Ugh, after we sold them online, we sold out and I had none, than they stockpiled when we shut the site down, then we sent most of them to Uganda… so I'd say, what, 14? Right now?

Me- *cough* Creepy. *cough* Hey, from Iggy, and this one's for me! **Matt, does Max waste all the hot water at your house? **Believe it or not, she doesn't. I do. :P

Max- Speaking of hot water, we need more feather shampoo.

Me- First, there's no such thing, second, my sister has a parakeet, watch it bathe.

Max- Screw you.

Me- Hey, another for me!

Max- You're gonna drive me crazy…

Me- From Bell, **Matt, how many times has Max tried to escape? **I'm not sure, she wouldn't stop for the first few days, now she does more plotting than escaping. Iggy asks, **Max, how much do you love Fang and that plushie?**

Max- Gee, thanks, Ig.

Me- Answer. *threatens Fang plushie with herring plushie*

Max- The Bible says (yes, I have learned something from that damn private school) that you should love God with all your heart, soul, mind, wings, etc. I think we've established the Fnick's Witnesses… do the math.

Me- Part 2?

Max- *sigh* Mini-Fang is a miniature representation of Fang when I cannot be near him. Once again, do the math.

Me- **Max, what's your favourite food? **(Hey, cool, American Microsoft Word rejects the Australian spelling)

Max- Being on the run, you eat whatever you can get.

Me- You're not on the run anymore.

Max- Okay, I really liked the burgers we had tonight…

Me- Iggy seems to know enough about you… so **Matt, have you ever been stupid enough to let Max in the kitchen? If so, has she blown it up yet?** She generally stays in my room, mostly because my sister is a huge fan…

Max- Annoyingly huge.

Me- But she has been there, and it's still in one piece.

Max- Can you put tin foil in the microwave or not?

Me- Though that may change… From Bell, **Max, what are your opinions on krill? Matt, what are your opinions on krill?**

Max- Krill? That's the stuff whales eat, right…?

Me- Yep! Yum yum yum!

Max- … Oy vey. If Fang and Ig hate it, I guess I will too.

Me- Party pooper. Bell asks: **Do you think we asked enough questions?**

Max- Yes. I'm probably going to go and hurt someone now… Probably Fromo.

Me- You're cruel to that boy.

Max- I swear he thinks I'm gay! Today he told me that he only has one testi-

Me- Yeah, we already knew that. Moving on… **Max, did you know that Gazzy's here in Australia too?**

Max- Who's that one from?

Me- Thy blind brother.

Max- Well, Iggy, looks like the only one who's not captured is… uh…

Me- *counts off on fingers* Akila.

Max- Yeah, Akila.

Me- And Jeb.

Max-Nobody wants Jeb.

Me- Point. **Max, where do you sleep?**

Max- In that Goddamn kennel.

Me- Hey, sometimes you sleep on the couch.

Max- Yeah, that was like twice. And once I was on a Dr. Pepper hangover.

Me- Fine, you can sleep on the couch tonight.

Max- There's a catch in there…

Me- Not until I think of one. Meanwhile, we're almost done! From Saint…

Max- I thought we got through that girl's questions already.

Me- I put this one off for the end. **¿Mi permite meter un mono en tus pantalones?**

Max- ¡No! No monos en mi pantalones!

Me- Pues, Max quiere el mono de Fang en sus pantalones.

Max- ¡Tú es terrible, trenzado, repugnante, y pervertido!

Me- Es verdad…

* * *

**Me- Glad to see Fr. McCleggan taught you something.**

**Max- Besides how to run fast, you mean?**

**Me- Yeah. Oh, and we're not done, there's just a few I put off even further.**

**Max- You never cease to astonish me.**

**Me- **_**Matt and Max, do you think we ask too many questions?**_

**Max- Who's that from?**

**Me- Does it matter?**

**Max- I'd say that if you have to ask that, then yes.**

**Me- I say no, because the more questions we get, the more Q & A chaps we can do, which means I don't have to come up with new chapter ideas constantly.**

**Max-Dear Lord, whatever would we do?**

**Me- Hey, I've got a few ideas! Figgy stories, a certain video, the mall, and the return of THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!**

**Max- Oh God… you're turning today's lunch into a chapter?**

**Me- Yeah… T, Colin, Kumar, Hunter, Brutus… John Connor wasn't there today, neither was Rob, but it still was awesome!**

**Max- Unfortunately, I was there too…**

**Me- And one last one, I don't think this is even a legit question, but something serious needs to be said…**

**Max- *sigh* Do I have to answer?**

**Me- Okay, Bell and Iggy said:**

_**Iggy: OH! There was the time that I blew up a tree and the cops showed up...**_

_**Me: Max, Matt, can you beat that? The COPS showed up at school...not fun.**_

**Max- Oh, I see where this is going. I'll be in my kennel…**

**Me- The cops did come once, but it was for Career Day, so it doesn't count. The thing is, one of the guys who came was killed in action a couple of weeks ago. So I'd like to have a moment of silence for the fallen officer…**

**Max- What's the point of a moment of silence in a **_**story?**_

**Max- …And thanks for killing it, Max.**

**Max- Anytime.**

**Me- We'll be back soon with the next chapter! Remember to keep the questions coming, and ideas are always welcome, and vote in the name-change poll!**

**Max- How many times have you said that?**

**Me- Not enough apparently, as I don't think anyone's voted yet…**

**Max- Whatever. We done?**

**Me- Yeah.**

**Max- See ya, peoples.**

**Me- Krill, yum yum yum!**

**Max- *facepalms***

**-Matt&Max**


	12. The Wipey Weekend Part 1

**Me- What's up, peoples?**

**Max- The sky. Some clouds. Take your pick.**

**Me- We've been off for a while, but we've got more than enough material to get us through the month, and then some! So let's start out with… the Wipey Weekend!**

**Max- The **_**what?**_

**Me- Wipey Weekend.**

**Max- Why are you calling it the Wipey Weekend?**

**Me- It was going to be the Epic Weekend, but I mistyped it, and it came out "Wipey." Anyway, Thanks to everyone who reviewed the EPIC CHAPTER! Yeah, I'm talking about you, Jade Sparkles, Natvv, Saint and Fang, Bell and Iggy, neoxgeo, StephanieZorander, and nudge-potter!**

**Max-It looked like my dream was pretty popular…**

**Me- Yeah, you do realize you dreamt about Iggy in his underwear, right?**

**Max- I guess I had to make up for all the times I dreamt about Fang in his… was that out loud?**

**Me- Okaaaaaaaay… and reviewing Q & A Part 3, we had Jade Sparkles, Saint and Fang, Botherer 1337, Scream Meh A Love Song x3, nudge-potter, doaneochoa, and M. G. Christiani… and Iggy.**

**Max- Say what?**

**Me- I dunno, being in two places at once is Iggy's problem, not mine.**

**Max- He's my brother(ish), I deserve to know what's happening to him!**

**Me- Well, I don't know either, so on with the show!**

**

* * *

**

Me- Hey Max, do you know what we're doing this weekend?

Max- Do I want to know?

Me- We're joining a whole crapload of other teenagers on a bus and we're driving to Orlando for Rock the Universe!

Max- Rock the What?

Me- Rock the Universe, it's the huge Christian music festival at Universal Studios!

Max- Yet another advantage to living in Florida...

Me- But it gets better!

Max- How?

Me- The next day, we're going driving again, this time to go see the Bucs game!

Max- Bucs? That's football, right?

Me- Yeah, and in between, we're spending the night at my friend Shay's house!

Shay- What's up?

Me- Blink me!

Shay- Heck yeah! *punches stereo button*

Tom Delonge- _In the car, I just can't wait…_

Max- Is it gonna be like this all weekend?

Me- Well, Max, I thought that was…

Me & Shay- _OB-VEEEEE-OOOOUUUUUUUS!_

Max- Enough blink-182 references.

Shay- My pants are off right now.

Max- *facepalms*

Shay- _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…_

Me & Shay- _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!_

Max- When do we leave?

* * *

_***At Rock the Universe***_

Max- The Afters?

Me- Yeah.

The Afters- *rock out*

Max- Who the _h_ are they?

Me- I really don't know…

Max- That's it, I'm going on The Mummy.

Me- The Mummy's got a 2-hour wait, and I refuse to miss Hawk Nelson. So we're watching The Afters.

Max- *sigh*

The Afters- *play the intro to "Are You Gonna Be My Girl"*

Me- Awesome, I love this song!

Max- I thought Jet wrote this song…

Me- They did.

Max- Then why…

The Afters- _All the single ladies! All the single ladies! All the…_

Max- Seriously?

Me- Well, that wasn't expected.

Max- I thought this was a Christian show…

Me- *checks phone clock* Hawk time!

Max- Where's Shay again?

Me- In a 3-hour line for a roller coaster.

Max-Hmm. Idiot.

* * *

Hawk Nelson- _Hey, lemme hear you say, make some noise if you feel this way, hey, if you're got a…_

Everyone- FRIEND LIKE THAT!

Hawk Nelson- _Hey, let's scream and shout, if you know what I'm talkin' 'bout, anybody got a…_

Everyone- FRIEND LIKE THAT!

Max- I do, and his name is Fang…

Me- He's not going to randomly show up if you keep complimenting him.

Max- Whatever…

Hawk Nelson- _All the girls and the boys and people makin' noise, just let me hear you shout…_

Everyone- BRING 'EM OUT BRING 'EM OUT!

Max- Hawk Nelson wrote this song?

Me- Yeah, they BRING 'EM OUT BRING 'EM OUT! wrote a lot of famous songs people don't generally associate with them.

Max- Hm.

Shay- Hey, what's up?

Me- Hey Shay, how was BRING 'EM OUT BRING 'EM OUT! the coaster?

Shay- Pretty awesome! Except I think I wasted three hours of my BRING 'EM OUT BRING 'EM OUT! life waiting in line.

Me- Aw, sucks.

Shay- Hey, my dad just called me, he knows a guy who can get us backstage passes to meet Third Day!

Max- HOLY SWEET FUDGE MUFFINS! SERIOUSLY?

Shay- Yeah!

Max- Awesome! Who's Third Day?

Shay- A band.

Max- I got that…

Me- What are we waiting for? Let's go!

* * *

Pass Guy- Hey, how are you guys?

Shay- Hungry.

Me- Deaf.

Max- Scared.

Pass Guy- Why are you scared?

Max- I swear I just saw Fromo.

Me- Oy. So, are we gonna meet Third Day?

Pass Guy- Yep! Well, kinda, I've only got two passes.

Me, Max, & Shay- *look at each other*

Shay- So who's staying behind?

Pass Guy- Oh, yeah, one of them's for me.

Me- So who's going?

Pass Guy- Sorry guys, it's gonna have to be Shay, I'll see if I can get you two in…

Max- GIMME THAT PASS! *goes on attack* GIVE… ME… LET GO!

Me- *holds Max back desperately* NO! SHAY, GRAB THE PASS AND GO! SAVE YOURSELF!

Shay- Come on, Pass Guy. *run off*

Max- You… Motherfu-

Me- Christian festival. No language.

Max- Well, now what?

Me- I'm hungry. Let's get some food.

Max- I know! I'll just fly up to the stage! Forget backstage, I can be _on_stage!

Me- Yeah… how many people can fly?

Max- Hello? Christian music? Angels? It'll look like a stunt!

Me- Right. Come on, I'm hungry. *drags Max off*

* * *

Max- We just paid $8 for a crappy hamburger.

Me- We paid _$16_ for _two_ crappy hamburgers.

Max- Same thing. These aren't even real!

Me- It's not really a hamburger if it's not at least half plastic!

Max- Sadly, you're right…

Me- Hmm… How much money do you have left?

Max- Uh, about $80 I stole from your sister.

Me- I've got $60. I want a Hawk Nelson t-shirt. And maybe a CD. And one of those rings made out of a guitar string… they call them St-Rings. That's awesome!

Max- Yeah, whatever. I might buy a shirt or something…

Me- Well, there's a merch stand over there. I'll meet you back here in ten minutes?

Max- Yeah, whatever.

* * *

*_**Merch Shopping with Me***_

Me- Hey, do you have any more Hawk Nelson shirts? Or did you…

Merch Guy- Sorry, we already packed them up.

Me- Well crap. Do you have anything _not_ packed up? CD's? Stickers? Price tags?

Merch Guy- Just the Third Day stuff, sorry. Oh, and the St-Rings guys are still open.

Me- Okay, thanks. *walks over to St-Rings* Hmm…

St-Rings Guy- Hi, how can I help you?

Me- Are these prices firm?

St-Rings Guy- Yeah.

Me- Well, I'm not going to pay $5 for a guitar string twisted in a circle…

* * *

_***Merch Shopping with Max***_

Max- Hey, Merch Guy, that shirt is awesome, how much

Merch Guy- Well, it's $25, but we're out of size small…

Max- Yeah, I don't care. I'll take one… hmm, is this album any good?

Merch Guy- Excellent.

Max- Then I'll take a copy… Holy crap, is that a guitar string? Or is it a ring?

St-Rings Guy- It's both!

Max- Sweet Cakin' Flyboys! I'll take that one, and you guys sell guitar pick necklaces too?

* * *

_***Ten Minutes Later***_

Me- Where is that girl…

Max- Hey!

Me- Holy… What did you buy? Heck, what did you _not_ buy?

Max- Haha. Let's see…

Me- You bought a Third Day tour shirt… why?

Max- Rub it in Fang's face.

Me- Fang likes Third Day?

Max- I don't know. If he doesn't, someone I know's bound to.

Me- Okay… Is that the reason for the Third Day album?

Max- Nah, I liked the cover art.

Me- Okay… and you bought three St-Rings and a guitar pick necklace… why?

Max- They looked cool!

Me- And you bought a flashing-lights retainer… and one of those theme-park lightsabers that change color…

Max- I like to stand out! What'd you buy?

Me- These! *holds up purchase*

Max- …

Me- What?

Max- Clear drumsticks? Why?

Me- Oh, they're not clear! *plays beat on leg*

Max- Holy crap, they're _light-up_ drumsticks?

Me- Yeah!

Max- …why?

Me- …why not?

Shay- Hey, there you are!

Max- …BACKSTAGE! *lunges*

* * *

_***Back at Shay's***_

Max- God, I'm tired.

Me- *drums on leg with special sticks* So? It's only 3.

Max- IN THE MORNING!

Shay- *picks up guitar* Song time!

Me- All right! One, two, three, four!

Me & Shay- *start playing "I'm Gay"*

Max- *gapes*

Me- This f$#ing song is all personality.

Shay- *laughs* Dude, that's the s#$!

Me- _Well, we've all heard about how the guys in the band/weren't the popular kids in school/and now you hate your parents 'cause the way you turned out/but in the end the blame's on you!_

Shay- _And we all sympathize with your torn-apart heart/and your really artistic worldly views/It sells records when you're sad these days/it's super cool to be mad these days…_

Me- _I think rock and roll is really funny when it's serious!_

Me & Shay- _Don't hate us 'cause we're happy!/Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful!/Don't hate us if we make you smile/Or if we go/the extra mile to make/someone feel better on a really s#$ty day/and if you're hearing what I'm saying then…_

Me- _I want to hear you say,_ "I'm gay!"

Shay- I'm gay!

Me- _Say,_ "I'm gay!"

Shay- I'm gay!

Me- Whoo! *instrumental*

Max- Are you guys serious…?

Shay- _Let's start a movement, let's start it right now/and if you don't know where to start/I can show __you, I'm your new team captain/Put your left hand over your heart/and repeat after me!_

Shay- It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual.

Me- It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual.

Shay- Max, you gonna join in?

Max- Sure, whatever.

Shay- It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual.

Me & Max- It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual.

Shay- Very nice. Very. Nice.

Me & Shay- _Don't hate us 'cause we're happy!/Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful!/Don't hate us if we make you smile/Or if we go/the extra mile to make/someone feel better on a really s#$ty day/and if you're hearing what I'm saying then…_

Me- _I want to hear you say,_ "I'm gay!"

Shay- I'm gay!

Me- _Say,_ "I'm gay!"

Shay- I'm gay!

Me- That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Pick up the phone 'cause Me, Max, & Shay are on the line! And you don't have to be sad anymore! You don't have to be mad anymore! We can all join hands and do ring around the freaking rosie! In fact, can we can get some "La la"s up in here?

Shay- _It sells records when you're sad these days/it's super cool to be mad these days/I think rock and roll is really funny when it's serious!_

Me- Yo, where my "La la"s at?

Me & Shay- _Laaaaaaa, La La Laaaaaaa, La La Laaa Laaaaaaaaa, La La La La Laaaaaaa, La La Laaaaaaa, La La Laaa Laaaaaaaaa…_

Me- Come on Max!

Me, Max & Shay- _Laaaaaaa, La La Laaaaaaa, La La Laaa Laaaaaaaaa, La La La La Laaaaaaa, La La Laaaaaaa, La La Laaa Laaaaaaaaa…_ _Don't hate us 'cause we're happy!/Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful!/Don't hate us if we make you smile/Or if we go/the extra mile to make/someone feel better on a really s#$ty day/and if you're hearing what I'm saying then…_

Me- _I want to hear you say,_ "I'm gay!"

Max & Shay- I'm gay!

Me- _Say,_ "I'm gay!"

Max, Shay & Fromo- I'm gay!

Max- STOP F#$ING FOLLOWING ME!

Me- Yeah Fromo, go f#$ a dog or something.

Shay- BLINK ME!

Me- _I wanna f#$ a dog in the ass…_

Shay-_ He wants to f#$ a dog in the ass…_

Me- _I wanna f#$ a dog! _That's right kids…

Max- I'm going to bed.

Fromo- I'll join you!

Max- Where did you even come from anyway?

* * *

**Max- That was over 2,000 words, and still not the funniest chapter…**

**Me- It wasn't supposed to be. If I kept trying to top myself, I'd either go crazy or become a famous comedian.**

**Max- Hm.**

**Me- Belated disclaimer- I don't own anything mentioned in this chapter, from The Afters to "I'm Gay" by Bowling For Soup.**

**Max- Are you really gay?**

**Me- Uh…no.**

**Fromo- I am!**

**Max- WHERE DO YOU KEEP COMING FROM?**

**Me- Hey, totally random, 'cuz I can't think of anything else to say, whoever can guess all of the blink-182 songs referenced in this chapter will win fabulous prizes!**

**Max- Like?**

**Me- I'm still working on that part… Anyway, Part Two of the Wipey Weekend is coming soon! It's getting late, and I've gotta study, so I'm out.**

**Max- See ya, peoples!**

**Fromo- Call me!**


	13. The Wipey Weekend Part 2

**Me- Hey, what's up world?**

**Max- Should I say something?**

**Me- Well, thatz fjucking up 2 u.**

**Max- Oh no, please no…**

**Me- If you haven't read "My Immortal" yet, you absolutely have to. A million thanks to Saint and Fang for suggesting it… Amazing. **

**Max- They're gonna think it's a comedy if you don't say something else.**

**Me- Okay, it's a completely serious Harry Potter fanfic. Here's a clip...**

**"**We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath."

**Max- My God…**

**Me- But wait! ****There's more!**

"I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of f--king prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises."

**Max- Do an A/N!**

**Me- Okay…**

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!

**Max- How do you spell f#$ wrong three times in one A/N?**

**Me- I dunno… oh, wait, I've gotta throw in one of my favorites.**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

**Me- Simply because "masturbated" **_**is**_** spelled wrong…**

**Max- Are we going to spend this whole chap talking about the world's worst piece of literature?**

**Me- Nope, even though calling it "literature" is a stretch… I think it was written by a retarded gorilla ****on crack. Anyway, here is part two of the Wipey Weekend!**

**Max- WATCH OUT!!! SNAP AND LOOPIN ARE BEHIND YOU!!!**

**Me- No, that's Volzemorte and Hahrgid. Get your facts straight.**

**Max- Oh yeah, the story's so terrible, it's not on FF anymore. You gotta Google it.**

**Me- Hey, that reminds me, the other day my teacher, who uses Bing, wanted to search something about Jesus. So he binged "Google". Can you say FAIL?**

**Max- Are we ever gonna get to the story?**

**Me- Right, sorry. Here we go.

* * *

**

**_*Outside stadium***_

Random guy- TAMPA!!!

Me & Shay- BAY!!!

Random guy- TAMPA!!!

Me & Shay- BAY!!!

Random guy- TAMPA!!!

Max- WE GET IT!!!

Me- Party pooper.

Max- Meh. We drove an hour for this, this had better be awesome.

Shay- It's football! What's not awesome about that?

Max- *gives Shay a weird look*

Me- Come on! We're going to watch manly men do manly things!

Max- Don't even start with Fang quotes. Who are the Bucs playing, anyway?

Shay- Dallas.

Max- Dallas? As in the DALLAS COWBOYS?!?

Shay- There's only one Dallas team…

Max- No way, I'm out of here. Not after last time.

Me- Aw, come on. There's only one of you, nobody's looking for you, and we've got great seats. Plus the cheerleaders don't go on the road.

Max- Okay, only because there aren't any cheerleaders.

Shay- (whispered) You gonna tell her about the Bucs cheerleaders?

Me- (whispered) What, that they're way hotter than Dallas's? Nah.

Random Dallas Fan- LET'S GO COWBOYS!!!

Random Tampa Bay Fan- DALLAS SUCKS!!! TAMPA!!!

Everyone Else- BAY!!!

Random Miami Fan- LET'S GO DOLPHINS!!! YEAH!!!

Max- What the…?

Me- Don't ask.

Shay- Yeah, he's had season tickets for, like, the last ten years. You'd think he'd have realized this isn't Miami by now…

Max- Let's just get inside and get this over with.

* * *

***_Inside the stadium***_

Announcer Dude- And now, please direct your attention to the South End Zone and welcome YOUR TAMPA BAY BUCANNEERS!!!!!!

Me & Shay- YEAH!!!!!

Max- Whoop-de-doo. *explosion* WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?

Me- Cannons! See? *points at pirate ship* *cannons keep firing*

Max- *facepalms* Are they trying to give people heart attacks?

Shay- Yeah, pretty much.

Max- How hot is it?

Me- Too hot.

Shay- Way too hot.

Me- Florida.

Shay- Which is way too hot.

Me- You've got a point there…

Max- Can we just go inside?

Me- Sure, whatever.

* * *

***_Inside the stadium club***_

Max- Okay, who thought of buying tickets with club access?

Shay- Me.

Max- I freaking love you! Air conditioning… I was going to die out there…

Me- I'm hungry.

Shay- Me too.

Me- Let's get something to eat.

Max- Do I have any say in this?

Me- Uh…. No.

Max- *grumble*

Shay- What do you guys want?

Me- I'll take a soda, and… Holy crap!

Max- What?

Me- *points at menu board* *stutters*

Shay- Oh my God…

Max- What? What? Wha- Dear Lord, they _are _trying to give people heart attacks.

Me- BBQ…

Shay- Pulled Pork…

Me & Shay- NACHOS?!?!?

Me- We're getting that!

Shay- Heck yeah!

Max- Seriously?

Me- Football + BBQ Pulled Pork Nachos = A Man's Paradise.

Max- And my hell…

* * *

_***Sitting down at a table (in the club)***_

Shay- Hmm, these are okay.

Me- Yeah, there's not enough BBQ sauce; I can barely taste the pork.

Max- *watching game on giant screens* How many downs?

Me- Four.

Max- Okay. How many yards for a first down?

Shay- Ten.

Max- Okay. *pause* How many teams on the field?

Me- You're kidding right?

Max- Yeah, I… *explosion* What the… why are they shooting off the cannons _now?_

Shay- Bucs scored.

Max- No they didn't! They're on the… oh yeah, TV delay.

Me- Thank you, Janet Jackson…

Shay- Well, I'm going to go puke my guts out!

Max- Seriously?

Shay- Nah, I've just gotta take a piss. Be back in a few. *leaves*

Me- Hey, Max, I've gotta talk to you.

Max- *stuffing nachos into mouth* Hmm, these aren't half bad… Oh, sorry. What about?

Me- See that guy over there?

Max- The one looking at us?

Me- Yeah. Recognize him?

Max- Uh… nope. Why, should I?

Me- Yeah, that's Bergie.

Max- Bergie? Not ringing any bells.

Me- He goes to our school.

Max- Cool. Should we, like, say hi?

Me- Your call. You're the one who looks like a girl.

Max- Is that an insult?

Me- No, it's a fact. Bergie knows you as Max.

Max- As opposed to what? Igbob?

Me- No, as opposed to Maximum.

Max- What do you… oh crap, I get it. He knows me as a guy, and…

Me- Yeah. Dammit, he's walking this way.

Max- Should I take a bathroom break?

Me- Please.

Max- Sayonara, sucker. *darts off*

Bergie- Hey, what's up?

Me- Not much, you?

Bergie- Same. You gonna eat those nachos?

Me- Nah, help yourself.

Bergie- Thanks. Good game so far, huh?

Me- Yeah, so far. Cowboys are gonna win though.

Bergie- True. Hey, who was that you were with just now? She looked a lot like Max, you know, from school?

Me- Yeah, I know who you mean. That was my friend, uh… Angel.

Bergie- Oh, 'cuz she looked a lot like Max. Of course, Max is a guy, and she was clearly a girl.

Me- Yeah.

Bergie- Hey, uh… is she available?

Me- What? Oh, uh… yes and no.

Bergie- What do you mean?

Me- She's single, but she wouldn't be interested.

Bergie- Why not?

Me- Uh… *cough* Dyke. *cough*

Bergie- Ah. On a scale of one to ten…?

Me- 11. She could easily beat you up. She could beat us both up. At once.

Bergie- Hm. Well, in that case, I'll pass.

Me- Hm.

Bergie- Hey, but she's still pretty fine. If she were straight, would you, you know, hmm?

Me- How far?

Bergie- All the way.

Me- Oh, uh… Hey, Shay!

Shay- *walks back* Hey. And this is…?

Me- Shay, meet Bergie.

Shay- Nice to meet ya.

Bergie- Same. Well, I'll just be going now, see you at school.

Me- Alright, see ya. *Bergie walks off* Thank you Shay, you just got me out of a tough one.

Shay- What'd I do?

Me- Plenty.

Max- Is the coast clear?

Me- Yeah.

Max- Great. What'd you tell him?

Me- Only the truth… *evil grin*

* * *

**Max- LIES!! ALL OF IT!!**

**Me- Face it, you're not feminine. At all.**

**Max- *sigh* Just so you know, the game sucked.**

**Me- Yeah, the Bucs got beaten pretty badly. Ah well.**

**Max- Now what?**

**Me- Let's see... Oh yeah, here's a preview of some of our ideas... also known as what's coming up in MM&aDK!**

**Max- Alright, let's hear 'em!**

**Me- ...and I left the notebook at school. Damn.**

**Max- Idiot.**

**Me- Dyke.**

**Max- Kidnapper.**

**Me- Mutant.**

**Max- Okay, let's stop before we have to start censoring. Do you have _anything?_**

**Me- Well, I _do_ have a really really short chapter... but there's a catch!**

**Max- What?**

**Me- It's a surprise! On a completely unrelated note, everyone who tried to guess the blink-182 songs from last chapter got four of 'em... but nobody found the fifth!!!**

**Max- There were five?**

**Me- Yeah! It's not blatantly obvious, but it isn't, like, really hidden either. If you find it, you win FABULOUS PRIZES!!!**

**Max- We done?**

**Me- One last thing... R&R?!?!**

**Max- And vote in the poll.**

**Me- That too! Adios!**

**Max- Sayonara, suckers!**

**-Matt&Max**


	14. En la clase de español

**Me- This chap was supposed to go up on Sunday, but numerous FF-related setbacks, well, set this chapter back.**

**Max- Yeah.**

**Me- I would have put up an A/N, and taken my time making this chapter better, but I couldn't even do that...**

**Max- Yeah.**

**Me- Let's see, who reviewed... Thanks to... uh, dammit... okay, nudge-potter, M.G. & Iggy, Saint & Fang, Gazillion Pyro Rock & Gazzy, Jade Sparkles, and Emma. Yes, My sister Emma from Chapter 2. More on that later...**

**Max- Disclaimer?**

**Me- I don't own jack.

* * *

**

Me- Dear Lord, this sucks.

Max- You can say that again.

Me- Dear Lord, this sucks.

Max- *facepalms*

Me- Let's talk about something.

Max- Like what?

Me- …

Max- …

Me- …

Max- …

Me- Let's ask the readers.

Max- How's that gonna help?

Me- Well, it won't help us now, but next time…

Max- What next time? I'm transferring back into Fr. McCleggan's class.

Me- Not happening.

Mrs. R- Clase, let's move on to exercise numero doce…

Max- Please don't call on me… mine is terrible…

Me- Please don't call on me… mine is meant for the story…

Max- Huh?

Me- We were supposed to write a dialog about shopping with a friend for ingredients for a paella, right?

Max- Yeah.

Me- Well… here's mine.

_Yo- ¿Qué hacemos falta para la paella?_

_Max- Necesitamos el arroz, la carne, y el pollo._

_Yo- ¿No necesitamos la langosta?_

_Max- No, no me gusta la langosta. Prefiero el chorizo._

_Yo- Pues, ya compramos el chorizo. ¿Necesitamos dos latas de guisantes también?_

_Max- Buen, puedo tenemos los guisantes a la casa. ¡Ay, olividé, necesitamos tres cebollas!_

_Yo- ¡Caramba! Es verdad, hacemos falta las cebollas y la langosta._

_Max- ¡Pero no me gusta la langosta!_

_Yo- No me importa._

_Max- Ardes en Jeb._

_

* * *

_

**Max- I'm sure there's some readers who don't speak Spanish.**

**Me- Like you?**

**Max- Maybe.**

**Me- So you want me to translate.**

**Max- Yeah.**

**Me- *sigh***

**_Me- What do we need for the paella?_**

**_Max- We need rice, meat, and chicken._**

**_Me- We don't need lobster?_**

**_Max- No, I don't like lobster. I prefer sausage._**

**_Me- Well, we already bought the sausage. Do we need two cans of peas as well?_**

**_Max- Well, I think we have the peas at the house. Oh, I forgot, we need three onions!_**

**_Me- Holy crap! That's right, we need the onions and the lobster!_**

**_Max- But I don't like lobster!_**

**_Me- I don't care._**

**_Max- Burn in Jeb._**

**Max- Wow… Really?**

**Me- Yeah.**

**Max- Since when does "caramba" translate as "holy crap"?**

**Me- Since about a minute ago.**

**Max- Whatever…**

**

* * *

**

Me- …

Max- …

Me- MAX WARS, EPISODE FIVE: BOREDOM STRIKES BACK!!!!

Max- *facepalms* Why me?

Me- Stay tuned for episode six, Return of the Fromo!

Max- Please, shut up. And get DK to shut up while you're at it.

Me- DK… *grumbles*

Max- Huh?

Me- He's bragging about his blink-182 tickets. And VIP pass. Richass mother#$er...

Max- Holy crap. When's that concert?

Me- Sunday.

Max- This Sunday?

Me- No, Sunday, February the 33rd.

Max- Hmm. We going?

Me- No, even though it's my favorite band of all time ever…

Max- Why not?

Me- Couldn't get tickets.

Max- Sucks…

Me- Yeah.

Max- …

Me- …

Max- Okay, before you say something stupid…

Me- ¿Por qué estas idiotas no saben español?

Max- No sé.

Me- Nosotros todos pasamos la clase de Español Uno.

Max- Yo no hice.

Me- Tú sabes más listo que mucho de la clase.

Max- Gracias.

Me- De nada.

* * *

**Max- Something tells me…**

**Me- Translate? Already on it…**

**_Me- Why don't these idiots understand Spanish?_**

**_Max- I dunno._**

**_Me- We all passed Spanish 1._**

**_Max- I didn't._**

**_Me- You're smarter than a lot of the class._**

**_Max- Thanks._**

**_Me- You're welcome._**

**Me-That good for you?**

**Max- Sí.**

**Me- I'm not translating that…

* * *

**

Max- Well, now what?

Me- NARWHAL!!!

Max- Narwh- WHAT THE…?

Mr. Narwhal- Good morning, Kevin.

Max- But… the… what… narwhal!

Me- Yeah, that's a narwhal.

Mr. Narwhal- Good show!

Max- Why?

Me- I got tired of Fromo.

Mr. Narwhal- Jolly good show!

* * *

**Me- All right, let's see... First A/N topic. About blink-182.**

**Max- Oh, this should be fun. I wanna f#$ a dog.**

**Me- Yeah, that. NOBODY has gotten the songs yet! Yes, Obvious, First Date, I'm Sorry, and F#$ A Dog are four, but Take Off Your Pants And Jacket is not the fifth!**

**Max- Yeah, you guys have the right line, but it's actually from a song. It'll take a real fan to get this one...**

**Me- And you still win a FABULOUS PRIZES!!!**

**Max- Okay, next topic!**

**Me- Ah, here's a fun one! DYLAN!**

**Max- Oh, no, please...**

**Me- Hahaha, JP decided to screw with our heads a bit, since not many people were lining up to buy FANG. If you don't know about the upcoming Bermuda Triangle, just read the new summary.**

**Max- Of FANG, not MM&aDK.**

**Me- Yeah. Trust me, we're going to talk about this. Not now, but in a different chapter. But we will.**

**Max- Haven't you figured out everything that could possibly happen?**

**Me- Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I know how it's gonna end. I've narrowed it down to two- the happy ending, and the OH-MY-GOD-JP-DID-NOT-JUST-DO-THAT ending.**

**Max- Which is more likely?**

**Me- If JP's doing not a seventh book, then it's the happy ending. If he is, it could be either.**

**Max- Whatever. Next on the list?**

**Me- Emma. I was going to say something like this to see if she really reads this, but she got to me first. So now I know.**

**Max- Did she beg for a few days with me?**

**Me- Yes. And I'm charging $5 an hour, so I can make money AND focus on my other stories. Pure awesomeness!**

**Max- Was that a blatant plug for your other stories?**

**Me- No. This is: HEY EVERYBODY! GO CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORIES, _FANG: THE ANGEL EXPERIMENT_ AND _MAXIMUM RIDE: SAVING THE WORLD?_!!!!**

**Max- You're hopeless.**

**Me- Pretty much. Anyway, I'm not giving the story to Emma, just the occasional chapter. And not for a while, anyway.**

**Max- Which brings you to the next point...**

**Me- THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE A Q&A!!! So send in your last minute questions, both me and Max will respond.**

**Max- Mhmm. This A/N is as long as the chap...**

**Me- One last thing... I'm not putting up the next chap until we get five reviews! That shouldn't be a problem, but hey, why not?**

**Max- And while you're reviewing, remember the three things to do!**

**Me- Actually, they don't have to. We've covered the questions part, I've got plenty of ideas, and we've covered the review part.**

**Max- Then we're done?**

**Me- I think so. Yeah, let's just end it.**

**-Matt&Max**


	15. Q & A Part 4

**Me- The bright side to being home sick... you have tons of time to do what you normally don't have time to do. In other words, put up the chapter I wrote last night. Because Max isn't sick, I don't have to worry about her editing it without letting me know first... Anyway... *coughs* Here it is, yet another Q & A.**

* * *

Me- *coughs* Hey, everybody, I'm sick.

Max- Haha, sucks for you!

Me- Yeah, especially with three tests tomorrow… Not to mention the freaking PSATs on Wednesday…

Max- Haha, really sucks for you!

Me- Hey, you've gotta take it too.

Max- But I won't get thrown out for sneezing all over the test!

Me- Do you want me to sneeze all over you?

Max- Eh, no thanks.

Me- Yeah, well, I was going to let Max go solo while I slept this crap off, but Saint decided to suddenly triple the number of questions, and I know Max would refuse to answer half of them…

Max- Damn straight.

Me- You've been hanging out with T again, haven't you?

Max- Hey, don't diss a brutha.

Me- *facepalms* *sneezes* Dammit… Okay let's just do this.

Max- Word.

Me- Alright, I somehow have missed this one every time… From emostraberrie, who apparently has the whole Goddamn Flock, Iggy wants to know, **Why you won't admit the Miggy relationship that lasted about two weeks?**

Max- Uh, heheh, kinda because Fang doesn't know about that… or didn't, now, I guess… Sorry, Fangles!

Me- Fangles?

Max- Blame that Saint girl.

Me- Whatever. Ironically, emostraberrie also wants to know** everything you've ever thought about Fang and every nickname you've ever come up with for him.**

Max- Okay… How am I supposed to answer that one?

Me- How about just the second one?

Max- Fangles! Just kidding, uh, Fnick.

Me- All hail the Great Fnick!

Max- The Great Fnick comes down to save the poor wingless souls from the pits of Jeb, Amen, Hallelujah!

Me- Wait, didn't Iggy come up with Fnick?

Max- ……….Dammit. Anyway… what's next?

Me- Fang, via emostraberrie, wants to know, **What's with the plushie?**

Max- How many times do I have to answer this question?

Me- You have a point there, you have answered it a lot.

Max- Thanks you.

Me- You still have to answer it again.

Max- Do you want to be permanently sick?

Me- *coughs in Max's general direction*

Max- SWINE FLU!!!

Me- It's not swine flu!

Max- Whatev. Next question!

Me- Alright, from Jade Sparkles, **Do you know any guys with a fo hawk?**

Max- Uhh… we go to a freaking private school. You're pretty hardcore if you can pull your bangs down in front of your eyes.

Me- Like this! *does so*

Max- When you do that, you look waaaaay more emo than Fang.

Me- Mmhmm. Okay, here's the first deluge of inquiries from the canonized one…

Max- Huh?

Me- Saint and Fang's Questionnaire Extraordinaire, Part One.

Max- Ah. This oughta be fun…

Me- Brace yourself. First, the classic question from Natvv, only your wings have been clipped.

Max- The Jigsaw's game room/Fangles in danger one?

Me- Yeah.

Max- I'd take the knife, cut him free, and then he'd fly off, carrying me.

Me- …And Max avoids answering the question again. You have a future in politics.

Max- Is that a compliment?

Me- No. **And how's Fromo the Homo?**

Max- As creepy as ever. He sends his unwanted love.

Me- Fang asked,** Matt, would it be too much to ask you to let Max go? Huh? Please?** Well, Fang… Yes.

Max- You're nice.

Me- … Hmmm… I'm just gonna have to put a whole little clip of the review…

**Saint: Give up. Ok, Max, let's say I was having Fang's child-**

**Fang: -tackles- Shut up! %###!**

**Saint: Ow! Stop! #%#%#! Max, did he get that potty mouth from you?**

Max- Nah, since we both got ours from Iggy. Or maybe he got his from me, which I got from Iggy… The question is, where did Matt get his?

Me- Catholic middle school. Worse than public school, believe me.

Max- I doubt that.

Me- Riiiiiiight… Don't get me started. Anyway, uh… crap, I'll have to do another quote…

**Fang: Speaking of school, I'm in college with Saint now.**

**Saint: He's so proud of himself...He didn't even do anything to get there except get kidnapped by me.**

**Fang: Well, I got accepted...**

**Saint: It's community college. They'll accept anyone. At least, this one will.**

**Fang: Well, I think it's cool...**

**Saint: So, Max, you're in love with a college student. Thoughts on this?**

Max- Fang, you're in love with someone enrolled in an all-boys school. Thoughts on this?

Me- Once again, politics. From Fangles, **Have you seen mine and Iggy's tagged videos?**

Max- Yes. And now I have to do one… thanks for tagging me, Fnick.

* * *

**Me- That reminds me! We're on Max-Dan-Wiz now, check us out!**

**Max- No we're not.**

**Me- Okay, fine... I'M on Max-Dan-Wiz, Max already was...**

**Max- Hence the MAX-Dan-Wiz.

* * *

**

Me- **So, you found out Fang was gay...Do you still love him?**

Max- Only if he doesn't run off with Iggy…

Me- True, true… Okay… crap, Saint, really?

Max- Another?

Me- Yeah…

**Saint: Fang's gay AND sleeping with me.**

**Fang: HEY!**

**Saint: You said I couldn't say one or the other, so I said both.**

**Fang: -headdesk-**

**Saint: Ha.**

**Fang: Wait, how could I be gay AND be sleeping with you?**

**Saint: ...Good question. Hey! We should ask Fromo! Hey, could you guys ask Fromo how someone could be gay and be sleeping with a girl?**

Me- Well, I'll be home sick tomorrow. Can you ask Fromo?

Max- Yeah, whatever. Swine.

Me- It's not swine flu, dammit!

Max- Sicko!

Me- Shut up. Scream Meh A Love Song x3, well, **Can you kidnap Lissa? Then lock her in a room with Max? And show Max a photo of Fang and Lissa making out? Then hand Max a herring?**

Max- Grrr… Lissa… Evil…

Me- Someday, someday… Okay, nudge-potter wants to know **What would happen if you had to face off with Chuck Norris?**

Max- The world would come to an abrupt and premature end.

Me- doaneochoa asked me, well, **You speak Spanish? **Kinda. After five years of Spanish class, you'd like to think you know something…

Max- Insert witty and sarcastic comment here.

Me- Funny. M.G. Christiani asks,** Is there any particular reason that you haven't killed Matt yet?**

Max- Planning, my friend, detailed planning…

Me- Mmhmm. **What is your opinion on exploding rabbits?**

Max- Bad. If they explode, they're not edible.

Me- Nasty… And M.G. asked me the same thing. I think it's hilarious.

Max- **I'm assuming that since you go to private school, you have a uniform. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate your uniform? **Should I do it, or do you want to?

Me- You can.

Max- NO UNIFORM!!! HA!!!

Me- But…

Max- Dress code. And… *sigh* Ties. Shirt and tie, every day.

Me- Yep. Finally, **Approximately how many times have you used a "That's what she said!" joke in the last little while? **Define "little while".

Max- That's what she said.

Me- That's… hmm… that's actually a good one.

Max- Thanks.

Me- Anytime. Okay… Saint's back! Well, actually, only Fang this time. **Do you guys hath telekinesis?**

Max- "My Immortal", Fang? Really?

Me- **Can you guys say things 'sexily'?**

Max- Everything I say is sexily.

Me- **And is Fromo stalking you guys?**

Fromo- I am not!

Max- Fromo! Get out of the closet!

Me- Literally!

Fromo- Sorry.

Me- That was creepy… Now, nudge-potter asked, **Do they really have bbq pulled pork nachos?**

Max- Unfortunately, yes.

Me- Emma… *sigh* **Please can you use happy words? **No f#$ing way, we're not going to f#$ing use your Goddamned "Happy Words".

Max- Damn straight.

Me- And again, **Can I please pretty please babysit the mutant for ONE day? **Maybe…

Max- Please, no…

Me- **Max, did you steal Emma's $80? **

Max- Uh, yeah. I don't deny it.

Me- nudge-potter's turn, **Max, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? (and you can't google the answer!)**

Max- Approximately 508.

Me- You googled that.

Max- No, I binged it.

Me- *sigh* *coughs* Crap… Okay. From mariafirefox. **You still haven't escaped, do you like Matt or something?**

Max- No, like I said before, planning, planning, planning.

Me- Or, even better, procrastinating, procrastinating, procrastinating.

Max- Burn in Jeb.

Me- Bite me.

Max- *bites*

Me- Gee, thanks. Okay, from Emma, again, **Am I allowed to torture "it" with my Nick obsession and sweetly and forcefully point out that my rock star angel is way better than "its" emo angel?**

Max- Please, please, please, don't say the Nick involved is Nick Jonas…

Me- I challenge your definition of "rock star".

Max- I challenge your definition of "emo".

Me- Emo. Noun. Short for "emotional". Generally describes people who dwell on negative emotions. Synonyms: Fang.

Max- Shut it, sicko.

Me- From M.G., **How do you feel about being babysat by Matt's sister? **

Max- It sounds enthralling…

Me- And… Same asker, intended for me this time… **What is your opinion on Iggy writing love poetry?**

Max- WHAT?!?!?

Me- Sounds like Fromo's got a new friend...

Max- I don't know who to feel sorrier for, Fromo or Fromo.

Me- Ouch. And we have reached the real reason I got off my ass to actually type this up… I'm gonna have to use a new format. Here we go…

**Saint: Have you read The Kidnapper by The Kidnapper of Lost Souls yet? You should check it out, then make sure she never finds you. Fang and I have already been found...**

Max- Nope…

Me- *adds to to-do list*

**Saint: Max, why don't you like lobster? **

Max- They boil the damn things alive!

Me- Chinese emperor Qin Shinghandi (or however it's spelled) boiled lawbreakers alive.

Max- *gapes*

**Fang: Ever watch 'Knocked Up'?**

Max- Nope.

Me- *adds to to-do list*

**Saint: Did you know Harry Potter Knocked Up Nancy Drew?**

**Fang: They're naming the child Smoking Potter.**

Max- Nope.

Me- *adds to to-do list*

Max- What? How the? Huh? Oh, noooooo… that's nasty and inappropriate and wrong…

Me- *evil grin*

**Saint: Max, how do you feel about Fang finally adopting Justin?**

Max- Alert the tabloids!

Me- DEADBEAT DAD ADOPTS GAY MUTANT LOVER'S ILLEGITIMATE CHILD!!!

Max- Wow…

Me- Hey, it's better than ALIENS ABDUCT DICK CHENEY TO LEARN HIS TORTURE SECRETS!!!

Max- The sad thing is, that's an actual headline…

**Fang: Max, is Iggy scareing you as much as he's been scareing me lately?**

Max- Fang, you do know you misspelled "scaring" twice, right?

Me- EMO ANGEL FLUNKS THIRD GRADE GRAMMAR CLASS!!!

Max- Oh, shut up…

**Saint: Max, if Fang flashed you, what would you do?**

Max- No comment.

Me- Lick her lips and ask for more.

Max- Once again, nasty and inappropriate and wrong.

Me- But true.

**Fang: How do you feel about Saint and I having jobs at Subway?**

Max- Must… resist… saying it…

Me- Three, two, one…

Max- FIVE DOLLAR FOOTLONGS!!!!!

Me- You know, that is really easy to turn into a sexual reference.

Max- Nasty. Inappropriate. Wrong.

**Saint: If you go to a Subway in New England someday, will you try to find out if we're there?**

Max- Yeah!

Me- She really wants Fang's five dollar footlong…

Max- What is with you and sexual references today?

Me- I'm a sick, twisted person.

Max- And you're actually sick…

**Fang: Do you even like Subway?**

Max- Not anymore, I don't…

**Saint: Can you use the force?**

Max- Uh… no…

**Fang: Is the force very forceful?**

Max- Probably…

**Saint: How's Fromo?**

Fromo- I'm fine, thanks!

Me- Out of my room.

**Fang: Is Fromo in special ed?**

Max- I don't think so…

Fromo- No, I'm not!

Me- OUT!!!!!

**Saint: Can I give Fromo a hug?**

Fromo- Sure!

Me- Get. Out. Of. My. Room. And put some pants on…

**Fang: Would you like a pet cat fish? **

Max- Uh… no, thanks.

**Saint: Who's the chosen one? Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker, or Harry Potter?**

Max- Ooh! I know this one! NOT Luke!

**Fang: Or Smoking Potter?**

Me- *adds to to-do list*

Max- *sigh*

**Saint: Twix or Butterfingers?**

Max- Roasted Desert Rat.

Me- Five dollar footlongs.

**Fang: Do you like pocky?**

**Saint: Do you know what pocky is?**

Max- Yes, I know what it is, but I've never tried it.

Me- Same here.

**Fang: Saint's friend, Amanda, just called and said there were two blue llamas on Pleasant Street. What do you think of that?**

Max- What? Really? Who names a street Pleasant Street?

**Saint: Why does my cat have a bald spot on her head?**

Max- Because it's broke and can't buy Rogaine.

**Fang: Why does Saint's cat hate me?**

Max- How am I supposed to know?

**Saint: Matt, do you own anything with wings on it besides Max?**

Me- My sister has a defective parakeet…

**Fang: Matt, have you ever told anyone who doesn't read/know about this fanfiction to burn in Jeb?**

Me- I feel like a hypocrite, but no, I haven't. Heck, I've never even told another human too…

Max- But you seem to have no problem telling mutants to…

Me- Burn in Jeb.

**Saint: Max, what do you think of Fang's Journal?**

Max- Scarred for life…

**Fang: Is it stupid?**

Max- Scarred for life…

**Saint: Max, do you have a journal/diary we could read?**

Max- Pshhhh, nah. Nothing anyone would be interested in…

Me- *clears throat* Dear Diary, today, I only fantasized about Fang for six hours. Is something wrong with me? I can normally get in about eight…

Max- THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!!! It's usually nine…

**Fang: Do you find that last question an invasion of your privacy?**

Max- Yes.

Me- Nope!

**Saint: Do you kidnapped characters even have any privacy left?**

Max- Nope.

Me- As long as Fromo's around…

**Fang: Ever eat hamburg smothered in bbq sauce, worctershire sauce, and salt?**

Max- Uhh…

Me- Ever eaten BBQ Pulled Pork Nachos?

**Saint: Max, what do you think of Fang's crush on Shakira?**

Max- Uh…

**Fang: Max, you don't honestly believe I have a crush on Shakira?**

Max- Uh…

**Saint: Of course Max does! Don't you, Max?**

Max- Uh…

**Fang: You don't believe it, do you, Max?**

Max- Uh…

**Saint: Max, are we peer pressuring you?**

Max- Yes. Why do we do these Q & A things anyway?

Me- Peer pressure.

* * *

**Me- Well, that about wraps it up... Oh, hey, look who's back from school!**

**Max- *coughs* Dammit, I'm sick. Thanks, Matt.**

**Me- You're welcome! Anyway, did you ask Fromo?**

**Max- Yes.**

**Me- And he said...?**

**Max- Nothing. I puked in his face.**

**Me- Damn Howl-O-Scream. Cheaper than Halloween Horror Nights, but you get the same viruses...**

**Thanks for *cough* reading! -Matt&Max**


	16. The Table of Knowledge

**Me: I think this story needs an update!**

**Max: Yeah, you do that, I'm going to bed.**

**Me: What? Soccer practice wear you out?**

**Max: Dude, you guys are crazy! That practice was hell!**

**Me: We only ran, what, two miles? Come on, you're not even human!**

**Max: SO? It's still physically impossible!**

**Me: Hey, if you wanna join Barney & Friends, you gotta earn it.**

**Max: You know what, I don't care. I'm not going to... Barney & Friends?**

**Me: Yeah.**

**Max: Your team is named Barney & Friends?**

**Me: You got a problem with that?**

**Max: Let's see... One, IT'S GAY. Two, IT'S GAY. Three...**

**Me: It's gay?**

**Max: I don't look good in purple.**

**Me: So? Are you going to join? Or just sit on your lazy mutant ass?**

**Max: Is that a challenge?**

**Me: You'd better Fnicking believe it!**

**Max: Well, I still don't want to play. I want to sit on my lazy mutant ass.**

**Me: What if I put up a poll, and the readers vote for you to play?**

**Max: Fine. Just let me go to bed.**

**Me: Whatever...**

* * *

Mr. K: *walks past, then stops* Gentlemen… The Table of Knowledge. *walks away as ominous thunder rumbles*

Max: The what?

Colin: The Table of Knowledge! Ha!

T: Duuuuuuude, seriously? Hahaha, Mr. K is such an idiot…

Max: Wow…

Me: Hey, we are pretty damn knowledgeable.

Rob: Yeah, remember all of the stuff I taught you guys last week?

Max: No offense, but if I had wanted to learn about the "Chili Dog" and the "Lion King", I would have gone on Urban Dictionary.

Me: Hahahaha, the "Lion King." SIMBA!!!! *makes inappropriate hand motion*

Colin: Naaaaaaaaants ingooooooonyama! Bagithi Baba!

Colin, T, Me, Rob, & Brutus: Sithi uuuuuuuuhm ingonyama!

Max: Dear Lord…

Colin: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah yo maaaaaama! Dadadeeeee seeyaya!

Colin, T, Me, Rob, & Brutus: Situuuuuhm in llama!

Colin: In llama!

Me & Rob: *deep breath*

Max: Uh oh…

Me & Rob: Here's a llama there's a llama and another little llama funny llama fuzzy llama llama llama duck! Llama llama cheesecake llama tablet brick potato llama llama mushroom llama llama llama duck!

Colin: Seriously, you guys?

Me: Fine.

Hunter: Hey, are we gonna bless our food or something?

Colin: What is this, a Catholic school?

Hunter, T, Brutus, Rob, Me, & Max: Yes.

Colin: Thought so. Normal, or Brutism?

Brutus: BRUTISM, BITCH!

T: Alright, Brutus, lead us in prayer.

Brutus: In the name of the father, and the son, and the SHUT THE F#$ UP!!!!

Hunter, T, Colin, Rob, Me, & Max: Amen.

Colin: Laaaawd, you have gathad us here today to celebraate this… aw, dammit, let's just eat.

T: Amen!

Brutus: FALCON PUNCH!!!! *falcon-punches Hunter's Gatorade* *hits Rob in the eye*

Rob: Brutus…

Brutus: Aw, s#$%.

Me: Run, Brutus!

Rob: AAAaaaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAARGH!!! *chases Brutus*

Max: Uh….

Me: Nothing's gonna happen, give 'em five minutes, and they'll be back.

* * *

_****Five minutes later****_

Me: See what'd I tell you?

Max: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Brutus: *pants* Okay, I'm hungry.

Rob: Yeah, this s#$ looks sooooo f#$ing good.

Colin: Uhhhhh, Rob…

Rob: And, I mean, it was only 5 f#$ing dollars! What a deal! This is a f#$ing feast!

T: Uh, Rob, look to your left.

Rob: *turns* Hi, Max. What?

Max: Further left.

Rob: *turns some more* I still don't see anything.

Mr. K: How about you just turn around?

Rob: Oh… heheheh… Hi, Mr. K!

Mr. K: *stares*

Rob: *stares back*

Mr. K: *stares*

Rob: *stares back*

Max: Uh…

Me: Shh! It's the Epic Staredown of Destiny!

Hunter: I've never seen anyone stand up to Mr. K's Stare of Death!

Me: Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure Rob is out of it.

Max: Why?

Me: He chugged a bottle of cough syrup this morning.

Max: I'm not even going to ask…

Rob: Aw, I give up.

Mr. K: Good. That's a detention tomorrow, you hear?

Rob: Yeah, I know.

T: Now what?

Brutus: Hunter, give me your Asian Trail Mix crap.

Hunter: Meh, whatever. If you want my nuts, take 'em.

Brutus: Heheh, yeah, I love your nuts, Hunter!

Colin: Do they taste good, Brutus?

Brutus: Yeah, I love how Hunter's nuts taste.

Hunter: Yeah, swallow my nuts.

T: And you can fit them all in your mouth easily!

Me: It's a good thing they're not _hairy_ nuts.

Max: It's Hunter, what do you expect?

T: OOOOOOOOH, get s#$ on!

Hunter: Oh, really? I'm just a late bloomer.

Max: Hunter, I'm afraid I might step on you. _I_ was a late bloomer.

Me: What do they call the later-than-late bloomers?

T: Hunter Syndrome.

Hunter: Wow, really?

Brutus: Dude, can you drive?

Hunter: Yeah, why?

Brutus: Do you drive a MINIvan?

Hunter: Wow…

T: Can you even see over the dash?

Hunter: Yeah, I'm a pretty good driver.

Max: But can you reach the pedals? Or do you need, you know…

Me: Little people, big world!

T: HAHAHAHA Wow… classic.

Brutus: Okay, I'm done with the nuts. Got anything else?

Hunter: Uh, here are some cookies.

Brutus: *eats* Goddamn, these taste like ass.

T: You know what ass tastes like?

Me: Hang on, let me see that package.

Max: Something wrong?

Me: They're Shrek 2 cookies… That means… Yep.

Colin: Yep what?

Me: Look at the expiration date. These cookies are 5 years old.

Brutus: WHAT?!?!?! *spits out* Blech, aw, damn!

Hunter: Haha, sucks for you!

Brutus: DID YOU JUST TRY TO KILL ME?

Hunter: No…

Brutus: You gonna die, bitch!

Colin: Whoawhoawhoa Brutus! No more violence!

Rob: Yeah… I'm still hungry.

Colin: Screw you. Watch this! *messes with paper bag* We are the Table of Knowledge… and now…

T: What?

Colin: We have…

Hunter: Come on!

Colin: The TREE of ENLIGHTENMENT!!!

Max: It looks like a mushroom…

Rob: We must sacrifice to the Tree!

Brutus: Sacrifice? No! Voodoo!

T: YES! Bring out your inner Haitian!

Rob: Here's a chicken strip!

Hunter: And what's left of the cookies!

Me: And a Mexican penny! It's made of plastic!

Max: And a mutant's feather!

Colin: Where'd you get that?

Max: Around…

Brutus: Hmmm… we're not quite done yet. We need… blood!

Me: Blood?

T: Blood?

Rob: *pulls out switchblade* Here ya go! *slices palm*

T: Ugh, Rob, seriously?

Max: Why am not surprised?

Brutus: Quiet! This is it… now… quietly…

Everyone: Rise. Chick-en. Rise. Chick-en.

Brutus: NOW! LOUDER!

Everyone: RISE! CHICK-EN! RISE! CHICK-EN! RISE! CHICK-EN!

*sudden earthquake*

T: Aaah!

Colin: What is this?

*center of table starts to disintegrate*

Me: Oh my God, Brutus, what the hell did you do?

Brutus: I DON'T F#$ING KNOW!!!

*shriveled beast-hand rises out of center of table*

Evil Voice: Thaaaaaaaaank yoooooooou huuuuumaaannnnssss…

Hunter: Oh… My… Go- Hey, where'd everybody go?

* * *

_****20 miles away****_

Rob: HOLY F#$ING S#$!!!!

T: We did NOT just do that!

Me: I think we did. What was that?

Brutus: I have no idea.

Colin: How did we do that?

Rob: I don't know!

T: Where's Hunter?

Me: Probably dead.

Max: Well, one thing's for sure.

Me: What's that?

Max: We're idiots.

* * *

**Max: That was slightly exaggerated.**

**Me: You think?**

**Max: Anyway...**

**Me: Oh! I forgot! Homecoming is coming!**

**Max: Aaaaaaaand...?**

**Me: There will be a chapter!**

**Max: Uh... One problem. I'm lacking in the date field.**

**Me: Don't worry, I've arranged for my cousin Fnick to take you.**

**Max: Sure, whatever, I just want to- Fnick?**

**Me: What? I didn't say Fnick, I said Nick. Come on, Max, really?**

**Max: I could've sworn you said Fnick!**

**Me: I did not Fnicking say Fnick.**

**Max: Right. So your cousin Nick is going to randomly show up on Saturday night and take me to the dance?**

**Me: That's right, you and Fnick are going with my group.**

**Max: Okay, but- YOU SAID FNICK!!!!**

**Me: No I didn't.**

**Max: Yes you did!**

**Me: Think about it, how could Fnick- aka Fang- be your Homecoming date? Use some logic.**

**Max: He can fly down here!**

**Me: Saint has a herring.**

**Max: What difference does that make?**

**Me: *whacks with herring***

**Max: OW! What was that for?**

**Me: Nothing, just proving a point.**

**Max: What? How does- Okay, I'm just going to give up and go to bed. Finally.**

**Me: You do that. So, I can call Fnick and tell him you're on board?**

**Max: Yeah, sure, you ca- YOU SAID FNICK!!!**

**Me: Did not.**

**Max: Did too!**

**Me: Did not.**

Max: Did too!

Me: Did not.

Max: Did too!

Me: Did too.

Max: Did too!

Me: Did too.

Max: Did not!

Me: I win.

**Max: What? You- Oh... Burn in Jeb.**

**Me: *evil grin***

**Thanks for reading! R&R? -Matt&Max**

**Me: Oh yeah, if you want to get a jump on the next Q&A chap, you can start asking your new questions!**

**Max: You are one lazy son of a beyotch. Relying on others for your story...**

**Me: Said the one who won't play for Barney & Friends.**


	17. Short Story, er, Kinda

**Me: Well, we haven't updated this story in forever.**

**Max: You haven't updated any of your stories in forever.**

**Me: Yeah, well that's not my fault.**

**Max: Yeah, blame someone else.**

**Me: Okay, look, school's almost out. Therefore the teachers are packing it on hard.**

**Max: Okay, you have a point there…**

**Me: Plus soccer…**

**Max: Mhm…**

**Me: And we try to maintain a social life…**

**Max: Oh, yeah…**

**Me: And there's a concert coming up that we need to get tickets for…**

**Max: Okay, you've made your point.**

**Me: Yeah, but you may be asking, "Is he putting this chapter up only to tell us this?"**

**Max: Where are you going with this?**

**Me: Well, one of the crazy teachers piling on the homework is making us write a short story.**

**Max: Uh, still not seeing where you're going…**

**Me: And, unfortunately, I can't just grab a chapter or two of one of my stories and hand it in.**

**Max: Why not?**

**Me: Well, therefore I have to write something completely new.**

**Max: You're just ignoring me now.**

**Me: But I was having trouble writing it, even though I knew what to write about.**

**Max: Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.**

**Me: Then I realized, I write really easily when I'm doing a MM&aDK chapter.**

**Max: The Great God Fnick shall condemn you to burn in Jeb.**

**Me: So I decided, "Hey, I should write it in a MM&aDK chap!"**

**Max: You have the writing skills of a gay, retarded, one-handed orangutan on crack, weed, and Mustafa.**

**Me: And so, here I am, writing a MM&aDK chap around my short story. And no, I'm not an orangutan.**

**Max: Damn.**

* * *

***Parental Advisory: Potentially Depressing Content***

Will

* * *

**Max: That's it? That's no short story, that's a VERB.**

**Me: Why didn't I think of it sooner?**

**Max: Think of what? A better verb? Like "Undermine?" "Rediscover?" Or my personal favorite, "Maximize?"**

**Me: No, I think our teacher uses one of those check-online-to-see-if-it's-plagiarized thingies. And if I put it up, then it's online, and hello expulsion! Yeah, not on my to-do list.**

**Max: Wait, aren't you turning it in on paper? Like, printed out?**

**Me: Yeah, why?**

**Max: Then how the Jeb is she gonna check to see if it's online?**

**Me: ………..Better safe than sorry.**

**Max: You're no risk-taker. You suck.**

**Me: Hey, look, I promise I'll put it up later, after she hands it back. Then all of our readers can also learn what I got on it and start an outraged petition to change it.**

**Max: Your readers aren't **_**that**_** loyal.**

**Me: Yeah, whatever. So… now what? That was kinda all I had planned…**

**Max: How about you apologize for no updates again?**

**Me: Or I can tell everyone what's coming up! You see, the semester's almost over, so the next few weeks are gonna be chaotic.**

**Max: Whatever.**

**Me: Okay, first off, there **_**will**_** be a chapter about Homecoming, even though it happened a while ago. There's a reason it's taking so long, but once we finish it, I'll put it up.**

**Max: And "we" doesn't mean him and me, I'm not involved at all.**

**Me: Yeah, that's the big surprise, but I won't give too much away.**

**Max: Oh, tell 'em where we're going on vacation over the break!**

**Me: No, actually, I won't– I'll see if anyone can guess. So, guess!**

**Max: Don't they need clues?**

**Me: Fine. Clue #1) It's cold.**

**Max: We live in Florida. I wear shorts every day. In December. EVERYWHERE'S cold.**

**Me: It's cold in general.**

**Max: I do the second.**

**Me: Sure, whatever.**

**Max: Clue #2) I'm gonna max out (no pun intended) every credit card I get my hands on.**

**Me: That's a scary thought…**

**Max: But, hey, you can't deny it.**

**Me: Nope. And I guess I oughta round it out with Clue #3) I've gotta keep Max away from one certain monument, because she can just point at it and say "Let me go, bitch."**

**Max: In those exact words.**

**Me: I don't doubt it. Now, what else was I gonna say…**

**Max: Barney & Friends!**

**Me: Ah, yes, the boys-**

**Max: And girl!**

**Me: -in purple. I never got around to putting up a poll, but Max joined anyway. And our season has been, well, tough so far. I mean, we tied 3-3 against the Tangerines in Game 1…**

**Max: But then we got a 0-9 ass-whooping by the Mexican National Team.**

**Me: Don't call them that.**

**Max: Dude, they all spoke Spanish. I heard five English words all game, and they were all curse words!**

**Me: Okay, you've got a point. Then we beat the Tangerines 5-3…**

**Max: I got a yellow card!**

**Me: That's not something to be proud of.**

**Max: …And then we got our asses whooped again 2-11, this time by Arsenal, the team who beat the team who tied the Mexicans last week, which is the only time the Mexicans have not won, ever!**

**Me: Say that five times fast…**

**Max: Oh, and I got another yellow.**

**Me: You can't charge a free kick, Max… Hence the "free"…**

**Max: I didn't! I jumped up!**

**Me: That's still charging…**

**Max: Shut up. Oh, and you need to explain what Mustafa is.**

**Me: Ah, Mustafa. The fake drug Colin, Brutus, and T made out of, uh, a bunch of things, including baking soda, sugar, and smashed-up Goldfish. Then they sold it to Rob, who supposedly got really stoned off of it. So now they keep trying to recreate it and make a fortune off of it, since it technically isn't illegal. And when I typed it in, Word automatically capitalized it. It's a freaking word! I guess they've already copyrighted it…**

**Max: Now we're just talking about random things...**

**Me: Yeah, I guess.**

**Max: So, other than homecoming, are any new chaps planned?**

**Me: Uh, hey, how about we start collecting more questions, I can probably do a Q&A in the middle of all this work.**

**Max: You know what, I'm impressed.**

**Me: Hmm?**

**Max: We just did an entire chapter without Fromo appearing once.**

**Fromo: Somebody call?**

**Me: You planned that.**

**Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max**


	18. Short Story

**Me: Hey, everybody! Sorry about lack of chapters, there are two things called exams and a girlfriend, both rank above FF in my book...**

**Max: You haven't introduced Sara in a chapter yet, so why are you talking about her?**

**Me: Cuz I can. Anyway, that's irrelevant, she'll be in the next chap...**

**Max: Hey, when's the Homecoming chap coming out? That's when Sara was supposed to be introduced...**

**Me: Soon, hopefully... It may be confusing, too, 'cuz a whole lot has happened since then, relationship-wise... I didn't go to Homecoming with Sara, 'cuz we weren't together... Jacobus is with Mads now...**

**Max: Weren't they gonna be introduced in the Homecoming chap too?**

**Me: Dammit. Okay, let's just do what we were gonna do.**

**Max: Which is...?**

**Me: Short story time! I got an A on it, so my teacher liked it...**

**Max: I got an A on mine.**

**Me: What'd you do?**

**Max: "Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu", by Max Ride.**

**Me: ...Well, so much for worrying about the internet-check-thing. Anyway, here it is... "Julia".**

**Max: It's long and sad, brace yourselves.**

**

* * *

**

_***Parental Advisory, Potentially Depressing Content***_

Will venomously ripped the small sheet of paper from its frame, revealing the next neatly positioned underneath. He then held the scrap up to the bedroom lamp and read it again. "Thursday, February 12th. 'This is the day which the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.' Psalm 118:24. Right. If the Lord made **that** day, then the Lord must hate me." He snarled and viciously tore the paper into halves, then thirds, then halves again; he tossed them into the air and watched them drift slowly towards the floor like poor, lost, dead leaves separated from their mother tree. Snatching them out of the air, he crumpled them into a ball and dropped it into the small trash can at his bedside. After staring angrily at the crumpled reminder of the day gone horribly wrong, he looked back up at the day-by-day calendar and read the new page out loud.

"Friday, February 13th. ''Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.' Alfred Lord Tennyson." He stared at the taunting calendar in disbelief. "To… have…" He struggled to come to terms with what some well-meaning publisher had printed absentmindedly on the page.

_ Tomorrow is Valentine's Day,_ he thought._ It's just in preparation._

But a second voice in his head snarled back, _To have loved and lost, Will, to have loved and lost._

Will sat down on his bed, barely able to comprehend the war taking place in his head. _It's just a coincidence! Tomorrow's Valentine's Day! It's all about love!_

But again, his darker side countered. _To have loved and lost, ye-e-s, to have loved and lost._

He dropped his head into his hands, squeezing his skull so tight that his nails pierced his skin, adding a muted pain to the chaos.

_You've loved and lost, haven't you, Will? Haven't you? You loved her, didn't you?_

_ It's a coincidence!_ he screamed in his mind. _Just a coincidence!_ Struggling to stand up, he staggered to the wall, using it to support his knees, which no longer seemed able to support him.

_Oooooh, you **did** love her, Will, ooooh!_ taunted the Voice.

_No!_ Will screamed, _It's just a coincidence! Just… A…_ He stumbled around his apartment in a daze. Everything blurred together, everything spinning around him as he struggled against his invisible tormentor. He couldn't… He wanted to… He… found himself standing in front of the small window overlooking the street. He could see a boy running down the sidewalk, trying to catch up to a pretty girl ahead of him. He could see himself running down the sidewalk, he could see…

* * *

"Okay, William, you can do this," he encouraged himself. "Come on, you know she likes you, she won't say no! The Valentine's Day dance is coming up, and she's already rejected three guys… So why would she say yes to me? I mean, I'm nothing special, I'm a freaking geek, I'm… **No.**" He straightened himself up and adjusted his oversized hand-me-down glasses. "Those other guys got rejected because they barely knew her. You, on the other hand, have been there for her since kindergarten." Confidence swelled up inside him. She couldn't say no. No way! He confidently stepped out from behind the bushes, scanning the schoolyard for her.

"Hmm," he muttered, "Not by the hoops… Obviously not with the emo kids at the swings… Or the stoners by the bathrooms… But maybe… yeah, there we go." He sprinted off in her direction, but slowed a bit when she saw that she was talking to Jake. Thankfully, they hugged and Jake ran off to play basketball with the other "jocks." How there were jocks at a middle school, Will didn't know, but Will really didn't care either. He had more important things on his plate. "Hey, Julia!" he called out, jogging the last few yards.

Her posse of friends turned away and started whispering to themselves, but Julia just smiled and waved. "Hi Will! What's up?"

"Oh, nothing much," he replied nonchalantly, "but, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, but can it wait a minute? I have something I really really really wanna tell you!" She bounced up and down a little bit with excitement. Chuckling, Will told her to go ahead.

"Okay," she started, "you know that guy Jake?"

"Mhm?" Will encouraged her to continue.

"Well, he… he…" She tried to contain it, she tried to "keep it cool", but she couldn't hold it in any longer. "He asked me to the Valentine's Day Dance!" she finally squealed.

Will's heart sank as he tried to keep a smile on his face. "Oh, that's… great!" He faked a smile to appease her, and she gobbled it up.

"So," she wondered aloud, swaying back and forth, "what were you gonna ask me?"

"Oh, never mind, it doesn't matter," Will mumbled. "See ya 'round, Jules!" he called out as he sullenly wandered away.

* * *

"Hey, Will, how ya doin', man?" Jake sauntered over and motioned for a coke.

"Pretty good, man, how about you?" Will inquired as the "bartender" pulled out a can of the drink. "Hey, I'll have one too, if you don't mind," he added, and the "bartender" grabbed another. Without alcohol, a bar just wasn't a bar, but this **was** a high school dance, after all.

"So, how's your Homecoming been goin'?" Jake asked, opening up his soda, which let out a hiss of air as the pressure built up inside escaped. "Who're you here with?"

Motioning to the dance floor, Will said, "Susan, but we're only friends. I'd be out there too, but, man, I hate the Cha-Cha Slide."

"Same here," Jake laughed. "But seriously, why don't you ask her out or something? Have you ever even had a girlfriend?"

"Nope," Will shook his head sadly, then, lying, added, "I haven't found the right one yet."

"Well, come on, man, you'll never find the right one if you don't test the waters!" Sipping his coke like a margarita, Jake offered more advice. "I mean, no offense, you were really nerdy back in middle school, but, man, did you turn things around. There are plenty of girls who would want to date you! Come on, this is high school, relationships now aren't supposed to last forever!"

"Really? That's funny, you've been with Julia for what, three years now?" Will countered. "That's awfully long for the real world, not to mention high school."

Jake sighed. "Well, Julia, you see… She's just…" he tried to explain.

"Awesome?" Will offered. "I know, I've known her since, jeez, as long as I can remember."

Jake flashed his famous million-dollar smile. "Yeah, awesome, that's a pretty good way to sum it up. I dunno man, saying this now makes me feel like some kind of hypocrite, but she could be the One, you know?"

"Actually, I wouldn't know, seeing as I haven't found my "One" yet," Will jokingly replied, faking yet another smile. After all of those lonely months, he had gotten really good at showing off false emotions.

Jake laughed yet again. Will could see why Julia liked him. "Well, Will, I'll see ya around, okay?"

"Yeah, see ya," Will answered as Jake strolled back onto the floor.

Will ditched his soda can on the bar as he stepped away for a moment, only to spin around and slam his fist down on top of it in a surge of three years'-worth of pent-up emotion. Then he tossed aside the crushed can and headed off to the bathroom to clean up the blood.

* * *

"Thursday, February 12th. 'This is the day which the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.' Psalm 118:24. Hmm. Sounds interesting." Will stretched the sleep out of his bones and strode into his kitchen with ease. Opening his refrigerator's door, he cautiously scanned the unknown depths within. He selected something with only a little green fuzz and poured himself some orange juice. _Ah, the joys of being a bachelor,_ he mused, even though there was truly no joy at all. After watching the something for five minutes and seeing no movement or other escape tactics, he called it breakfast and ate it. "Hmm, I never actually read yesterday's mail," he murmured between possibly suicidal bites. "Let's see what we've got. Hmm… Bill… Bill… Bill… Oh, there's a sale at JCPenney's, like I care… AARP card...? Ah, whatever." He tossed that one aside and continued to flip through the mail. "Bill… There's… another sale at JCPenney's? Hmm, way to advertise to the right market… Uh… This is probably not worth opening… And a very nice-looking letter from Jake and Jules. Where's that knife?" After scanning the table and finding nothing, he sliced open the letter with a fork and pulled out its contents. "You are cordially invited to… to the wedding of Julia A. Romano to Jake G. Rodriguez. The ceremony will take place at…" He stopped and stared at the invitation as his heart turned to ash.

* * *

He tore himself away from the window and sat back down on the edge of his bed. The voices swirling in his head drove him insane as he stumbled around the apartment in a blind rage. Suddenly he found himself in front of an open window– how it had opened, or when he had opened it, he didn't know– and he found himself enjoying the cold air against his face. He embraced the biting cold of the air flowing in from the outside world. He let it in, let it envelop him. He didn't shy away from the unforgiving cold of February in New Jersey.

He didn't shy away from the cold air inside him, all that remained from a once burning love.

He didn't shy away from the cold of the pistol he now pressed against his temple.

* * *

"Hey, can I get a minute alone guys?" Julia politely asked.

Susan smiled. "Sure, Jules, after all, it **is**your big day, I'm sure you need some time to think." She motioned for the other bridesmaids to follow her out of the room, leaving Julia alone to her thoughts.

She spent a few moments just looking at her reflection in the mirror, looking over her elegant wedding dress and wondering if she had forgotten anything. There had been so many things to prepare, so many things to organize, but she had made it, and everything seemed ready to go off according to plan. Suddenly she noticed the other figure in the room, standing behind her. She spun around as fast as her dress would allow her, to find… emptiness. Nobody accompanied her in the room; she had been seeing things. Shrugging, she turned back to the mirror and almost screamed– the figure now stood in front of her… but only in the mirror. Strangely, the mirror showed her standing behind a man… a man she recognized… a man who had committed suicide months ago.

"Will?" she finally breathed, only barely whispering the name to the unnatural presence. He smiled a sad smile and vaguely mouthed something. "What?" Julia whispered, moving closer towards the mirror in hopes of figuring out what Will wanted to say. Again his lips moved, but Julia still couldn't figure out what he meant. "What are you trying to tell me?" she asked again, almost begging now. Will relayed his message one last time, very slowly so that she wouldn't miss it again. "I…" Julia repeated aloud, "love… you." She looked at the specter in confusion. "I love you? Do you mean you love me, or you, like, **love**… me…" She trailed off as he nodded sadly. "But…" Then it dawned on her. "No, the invi… no, no, please, no!" As she neared tears, the ghostly image began to fade. "No!" she cried out, reaching out to the mirror as if she could touch him. "No! Don't leave! Please! I… I…" She didn't want to say it, she couldn't admit it… But as the last remnants of the image faded away, she found herself saying the forbidden phrase: "I love you."

Julia stood, crying, in front of the empty mirror, wondering what to do. Resolve began to build up inside her as she stood at the most important crossroads of her life, and in her mind, she began to walk down the dark, depressing road, leaving the light behind.

Back in reality, Julia ran out of the room, heading for the hotel stairs, running past the frantic outbursts of her materialistic friends who would never understand.

"Julia!"

"Are you okay?"

"Where are you going? We need to get you to the ballroom!"

"Julia? Julia!"

"Kitchen…" she managed to mumble as she sprinted by. "Chef… Last-minute arrangements…" Her bridesmaids, her mother, and one of Jake's friends who had just happened to be in the area could do nothing but follow her.

A few tense minutes later, Julia burst into the main kitchen, her friends and family right behind her, complaining and yelling and a million other things that Julia honestly didn't care about. She stormed right up to the head chef, who saw her coming and wiped his dirty hands on a towel, since he had dealt with brides before and knew he should be prepared for the worst.

"Excuse me, kind sir, but may I see the utensils you will be serving us with? You know, forks, knives, that sort of thing?"

The chef almost jumped, not out of fear, but out of surprise at such an odd request. But knowing better than to argue, and he motioned to the gleaming piles of silver waiting to be sorted and wrapped in their napkins.

Julia looked over the forks, picking one up and feeling its balance.

Julia looked over the spoons, examining her reflection in the concave surface.

Julia looked over the knives, and noted the sharpness. She hesitated for a moment before moving on.

Julia looked over the plates, nicely cleaned to an unnatural shine.

Julia looked over the serving-ware, and picked up the largest and sharpest knife. She lightly ran her finger over the edge and nearly pricked herself when she saw a flash of blue, exactly the same shade as Will's electric blue eyes.

She held the glinting knife up to the light and made her decision.

"Don't do it!" someone screamed, but of course Julia did not hear.

As she brought the weapon down, Julia saw Will's electric blue eye again, and this time she heard his voice loud and clear; she heard him screaming for her to stop.

* * *

Will's apartment had been unoccupied since his death. An only child with now-deceased parents, there had been nobody to empty out his belongings. The police had come and gone, taking only what they needed to prove that a homicide had not taken place on that fateful Friday the 13th; they had not even turned off the stereo system, which still repeated, still repeated, still repeated Will's last message to the world, still repeated the same ten seconds of the same last song, still repeated, still repeated.

"The regrets/ are useless in my mind/ She's in my head/ I must confess/

The regrets/ are useless in my mind/ She's in my head/ So long ago"

And the stereo clicked and repeated.

"The regrets/ are useless in my mind/ She's in my head/ I must confess…"

_*The lyric used at the end is from "Whatsername" by Green Day

* * *

_

**Me: So what'd you guys think?**

**Max: ............**

**Me: And?**

**Max: ............**

**Me: And?**

**Max: You do realize that people come to read this story hoping for something funny, right?**

**Me: Well, then, we'll just put up a new chap that IS funny.**

**Max: Fine by me.**

**Thanks for reading! New chap coming ASAP! -Matt&Max**


	19. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

**Me: On three...**

**Max: One...**

**Me: Two...**

**Max: Three...**

**Me&Max: MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

**Me: Unless you're Jewish, then HAPPY (Belated) HANUKKAH!**

**Max: Or if you're of African descent, then HAPPY KWANZAA!**

**Me: Or if you're Atheist... F#$% YOU!**

**Max: Someone's not getting any presents...**

**Me: Nevermind... In honor of the holidays, here's a short chapter I'm gonna try to write in... 48 minutes before Christmas.**

**Max: 47. Move your ass.**

**Me: Here we go...**

* * *

Me: Ah, caroling. When friends gather to brave the cold and serenade neighbors...

Max: Too bad Florida ruined that a while ago. More like brave a sunburn and serenade the old folks who have their hearing aids on.

Me: Hey, come on, it's all in the Christmas spirit! None of that matters, as long as everyone's together!

Max: Bull. I've seen more Christmas spirit in a synagogue.

Me: Then let's start singing, for crying out loud.

Max: Sing what? I refuse to sing "Frosty the Snowman" when Frosty would be a pile of mush!

Me: Not even. He'd have evaporated by now.

Max: Fine, let's just do this... which is first?

Me: IGGY GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER!

Max: Sweet Fnick...

_Iggy got run over by a reindeer  
walkin' home from Doc M's house Christmas eve.  
You can say there's no such thing as Sainta.  
But as for me and Ella, we believe._

__

He'd been eatin' too much cel'ry.  
And we'd begged him not to go.  
But he'd taken some of Fang's Night Quills,  
and he staggered out the door into the snow.

When we found him Christmas mornin,'  
at the scene of the attack.  
He had hoof prints on his forehead,  
And incriminatin' Claus marks on his back.

Iggy got run over by a reindeer  
walkin' home from Doc M's house Christmas eve.  
You can say there's no such thing as Sainta.  
But as for me and Ella, we believe.

Now were all so proud of Ella.  
She's been takin' this so well.  
See her in there watchin' Angel,  
eatin' cookies and playin' cards with good ol' Bell.

_It's not Christmas without Iggy.  
Fang is natr'lly dressed in black.  
And we just can't help but wonder:  
Should we open up his gifts or send them back?  
(OPEN THEM!)  
(Come on, Max!)_

_Iggy got run over by a reindeer  
walkin' home from Doc M's house Christmas eve.  
You can say there's no such thing as Sainta.  
But as for me and Ella, we believe._

__

Now the desert rat's on the table.  
And the small ones want to sing.  
And a really really really pale white candle,  
that would just have matched the feath'rs on Iggy's wing.

We've warned all our friends and neighbors.  
"Better watch out for yourselves."  
They should never give a license,  
to a girl who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.  
(He's a hobbit!)

_Iggy got run over by a reindeer  
walkin' home from Doc M's house Christmas eve.  
You can say there's no such thing as Sainta.  
But as for me and Ella, we believe!_

Me: Wasn't that fun?

Max: Uh... no?

Me: Then how about this one? It's non-MR!

Max: Is it blink-182?

Me: Heheh...

_Outside the carolers start to sing  
I can't describe the joy they bring  
Cause joy is something they don't bring me_

__

My girlfriend is by my side  
From the roof are hanging sickles of ice  
Their whiny voices get irritating  
It's Christmas time again

So I stand with a dead smile on my face  
Wondering how much of my time they'll waste  
Oh God I hate these Satan's helpers

And then I guess I must have snapped  
Because I grabbed a baseball bat  
And made them all run for shelter

It's Christmas time again  
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year  
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer  
You people scare me  
Please stay away from my home  
If you don't wanna get beat down  
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone.

Well I guess it's not cool to freak on Christmas Eve  
Cause the cops came and arrested me  
They had an unfair advantage

And even though the jail didn't have a tree  
Christmas came a night early  
Cause a guy named Bubba unwrapped my package (hot damn)

_It's Christmas time again  
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year  
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer  
You people scare me  
Please stay away from my home  
If you don't wanna get beat down  
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone_

Max: I feel like that...

Me: More blink?

Max: What now?

_It's Christmas Eve and I've only wrapped two fnickin' presents  
It's Christmas Eve and I've only wrapped two fnickin' presents  
And I hate, hate, ha-_

Max: No! Not that one!

Me: Fine... How about...

_Chipmunks roasting on an open fire  
Hot sauce dripping from their toes  
Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir  
They poked hot skewers through their nose  
Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove  
Help to make them seasoned right  
Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat  
Will really hit the spot tonight_

__

And now when Santa sees his tray  
There'll be some homemade chipmunk jerky for his sleigh  
And every hungry child is gonna spy  
To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry  
And so I'm brushing on some honey glaze  
To keep them crisp and juicy too  
Let's hope they get served many times many ways  
Tasty Chipmunks; good food

_And so I'm offering some recipes  
From chipmunk pie to chipmunk stew  
I'm not really sad that it ended this way  
Furry chipmunks... screw you!_

Max: You are a sick, twisted...

Fromo: I have a request!

Max: Where'd you come from?

Me: -sigh- What is it, queer?

Fromo: You know it... It's by Bowling For Soup...

Max: Oh no...

Fromo: _Well we've all heard about how the guys in the band weren't the popular kids in school, and now you hate your parents 'cause of the way you turned out, but in the end the blame's on you!_

_And we all sympathize with your torn-apart heart and your really artistic worldly views... It sells records when you're sad these days, it's super cool to be mad these days... I think rock and roll is really funny when it's serious!_

_Don't hate us 'cause we're happy! Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful! Don't hate us if we make you smile or if we go the extra mile to make someone feel better on a really s#$%ty day and if you're hearing what I'm saying then..._

_I want you to say, __"I'm gay!"_

Max: No.

Fromo: _Say,__ "I'm gay!"_

Max: No.

Fromo: _Let's start a movement, let's start it right now! And if you don't know where to start, I can show you, I'm your new team captain, put your left hand over your heart and repeat after me!_

It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!

Me: It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual!

Fromo: Max? You wanna join in?

Max: No.

Fromo: Whatever...

_Don't hate us 'cause we're happy! Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful! Don't hate us if we make you smile or if we go the extra mile to make someone feel better on a really s#$%ty day and if you're hearing what I'm saying then..._

_I want you to say, "I'm gay!"_

Max: No.

Fromo: _Say, "I'm gay!"_

Max: No! Now SHUT THE FNICK UP!

* * *

**Max: Four minutes left. Good job.**

**Me: Thanks. If there are any problems/mistakes... It's cuz I did write this in less than an hour.**

**Max: I can spot one... two...**

**Me: Heheh... Anyway...**

**Me&Max: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!**

**-Matt&Max**

**Max: Two minutes! Publish it!**

**Me: I'm going! I'm going!**


	20. Finally, Something New

**Me: We can't update everything without updating this one!**

**Max: How long has it been since you put up a disclaimer?**

**Me: I think everyone knows I don't own anything at all.**

**Max: Good. Now, shall we shatter this damn hiatus? Finish updating everything? Except LL? Because you still don't know what to do with it?**

**Me: Yes, let's.**

**

* * *

**

Me: -shivers-

Max: Wimp. It's not cold. Mildly chilly, yes, but cold? No.

Me: Who just ran a mile?

Max: It's still not that cold.

Me: Whatever… Dammit… What were we gonna write about?

Max: I have no idea. I thought you were gonna update MM&aDK last.

Me: I am. I'm writing it first, though.

Max: Ah. How about we update the world on the whole fiasco that put us into this hiatus in the first place?

Me: Fine. Max and I are now pretty much a two man wolfpack.

Max: One man, one mutant wolfpack.

Me: Yeah, whatever. As of this writing, we've spent the last month just chilling and planning things out. Almost all of our old friends, including everyone who's been mentioned in this story, well…

Max: Relationships are either strained or gone completely.

Me: Yeah. Luckily, I found something to distract me.

Max: And I found something to become addicted to.

Me: You've probably seen it. I know you've heard about it.

Max: It's this little thing called Avatar…

Me: It blew me away, and I've been learning all I can about the story and CGI techniques and all that fun crap.

Max: I… Well… First thing I did… Heheh…

Me: She painted herself blue.

Max: -facepalm-

Me: She is no longer a Fnick's Witness. She walks around asking "What would Eywa do?"

Max: That stopped last week…

Me: You're still obsessed.

Max: Yeah… I won't deny that…

Me: Oh, now I remember! You may have heard about Chrissy, the bitch extraordinaire.

Max: She took my title…

Me: Long story short- She stole some stories from Skittles. Skittles and Saint went up in arms against Chrissy. Max and I joined them. I sent Fromo to Chrissy as punishment.

Max: Then Saint and Skittles both told us that was a bad idea… It'd be punishment for our gay friend.

Me: So Max flew off to rescue the poor faggot, and I had to do some quick what-if thinking. I replaced Fromo. Everybody, meet his cousin.

Lear the Queer: I beseeche thee, to whom am I speakinge?

Max: This genius hired Fromo's cousin from Shakespearean-Era England.

Lear the Queer: Ah, the Bard? In mine most hombleste of opinions, the man hath moch talente.

Me: Semi-unfortunately, Max saved Fromo…

Fromo: Hey!

Me: So now we're stuck with two of them. And we need to get Lear back to his century…

Max: We have no idea how. Well, we built a Flux Capacitor, but that just lands us in Shakespearean-Era FLORIDA, which isn't a help.

Me: Yeah… So either A) You suggest how we're gonna get him back, or B) You tell us to keep him.

Max: Please, make us send him back.

Me: Okay, I can't think of anything else right now, so I'll get back to this later…

Max: Tell them about Australia!

Me: I di- Okay, whatever. I AM going to Australia this summer! I just need to raise $8000 first…

Max: Ideas needed there too…

Me: Yeah, I'm drawing a blank. But that means Max'll be alone for three weeks. We can't have that.

Max: Yes, we can.

Me: No, we can't. I don't trust you. That's why I'm doing the RENT-A-MAX Program!

Max: No, you're not…

Me: Yes, I am! Just let me know why you should get to take care of Max for a few days, and you'll be able to!

Max: Do I have a say in this?

Me: There are 21 days, so don't worry about not getting a chance to take care of a mutant!

Max: Are you ignoring me?

Me: But wait! There's more!

Max: I can say whatever I want now, can't I?

Me: Not only will you be able to take care of Max, but you'll be able to write your own chapter about it!

Max: I'm trisexual, pregnant, and have 18 different forms of herpes.

Me: And if you email me that chapter, it'll be published right here on MM&aDK!

Max: I draw things on our back while you sleep and I gave Fang fake birth control pills. That's why he's pregnant.

Me: I knew it, that's how it happened!

Max: And sometimes, at night, I… Oh, you're done…

Me: So it's YOUR fault that Iggy got Fang pregnant?

Max: Oh, yeah, I totally turned them gay and made Fang grow a womb…

Me: I knew it, you're evil!

Max: -facepalm-

* * *

Me: Well, what do you fnicking know.

Max: That was a shocker.

Me: Mere HOURS after writing that last bit, I got a text. From Sara.

Max: Actually, you got the text while you wrote it. You just didn't read it.

Me: Whatever. I now take back the whole strained or gone relationships thing. Things are looking up. We're friends again. Yay, I guess...

Max: And… I'M GETTING A SKYPE!

Me: I'm giving in to pressure from the other Flock-captors…

Max: I'm psyched. Anything else worth mentioning?

Me: I have an idea, but it'll work better at a later point.

Max: Whatev. Max out.

Me: And I go with her. Adios, motherfnickers.

* * *

**Max: That was short-ish.**

**Me: Sorry it's not a novel. Hey, you know what?**

**Max: What?**

**Me: I think it's time for a new Q&A chapter.**

**Max: Fine, I stopped caring a while ago...**

**Me: And you know what? Let's involve Lear. If you've got any questions for Lear the Queer, or Fromo the Homo, send them in too!**

**Max: So you want...**

** 1.) Rent-A-Max applications**

** 2.) Money-raising ideas**

** 3.) Questions for a mutant and two gay people**

**Me: Yeah, pretty much. Should be some interesting reviews...**

**Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max**

**Me: PS, new stories coming! Watch for 'em, and not just in the MR category...**

**Max: Venturing out into the unknown...**


	21. Birthdays Galore

**Me: This is gonna be a short little filler chapter, so don't expect anything hilarious.**

**Max: Unless you're Saint.**

**"The one... Holy crap, Stevo's grabbing his dick." -Matt, on Skype.**

**Me: -facepalm-**

**Max: That's what you get for getting Saint and Skits to play "Find Fromo"...**

**Me: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's not forget why we're here.**

**Max: Mmhmm. Birthdays galore.**

**Me: Yep, so we'll start out with (another) massive "Happy Birthday" to Bell!**

**Max: The Aussie chick who kidnapped Iggy.**

**Me: Yeah, she turned 16 yesterday... Or was it two days ago... Damn time difference...**

**Max: Let's just say she's 16 now.**

**Me: Okay! So Happy Birthday Bell! Next, the OTHER girl who inspired me to kidnap Max...**

**Max: Grr...**

**Me: Happy (Belated) Birthday to Saint!**

**Max: Whoop de doo, yays, throw confetti.**

**Stevo: -grabs dick-**

**Me: Her birthday was on Monday, which I know is right 'cuz she's in the same hemisphere!**

**Max: -checks Saint off list- Okay, who's next?**

**Me: ZZ! Happy Early Birthday to ZZ, who you guys have never met, and probably won't!**

**Max: Then why..?**

**Me: She's the THIRD person who inspired me to kidnap Max. Since her birthday is the 18th, I'm getting a head start.**

**Max: Okaaay... Wait... -checks birthday list again- -scratches Matt's name off- That's everyone.**

**Me: Oh, and with Fang coming out (In America...) on the 15th... Plus good old St. Patrick's Day... And Max's mating season... This is gonna be a fun month!**

**Max: Grr...**

**Me: I know how Fang ends! blur tried to blur! Come on, how could blur he?**

**Max: You're insane.**

**Me: Oh, and Dylan's Canadian. Another reason to hate Canadians. -glares at M.G for stealing gold medal-**

**Max: Does that count as a spoiler?**

**Me: Nah... Oh, Apparently it's still Bell's birthday... here. It's not in Australia anymore...**

**Max: Not in Australia anymore? What about Kansas? Uncle Henry? Auntie Em? Toto? TOTO?**

**Me: -facepalm-**

**Max: Hmm, who would win, Total or Toto?**

**Me: I'll take that as my cue to add a poll and end this chapter.**

**Max: Bye!**

**Me: Adios!**

**Lear the Queer: Byeth!**

**Stevo: -grabs dick-**

**Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max**

**Me: Oh, yeah, there's still a Q&A chap coming. Hit us with all you've got!**


	22. Max Makes, er, Captures a New Friend

**Me: It's 3 in the morning and the mutant is taking over...**

**Max: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's what happens when you get sick.**

**Me: I can't believe you did this... -cough-**

**Max: Well, I did. Get used to it.**

**Me: I'm gonna have to say that I don't own MR... or Avatar. If I did, I'd be as rich as hell.**

**Max: And I'd probably either be free or blue.**

**Me: You were blue for a week...**

**Max: Can we forget that happened?**

**Me: No. But we CAN forget our "wedding." Here's what Max did. FML.**

**Max: You don't own that either.**

**Me: -facepalm- The next few weeks are gonna suck.**

**Max: -shrugs-**

**

* * *

**

Me: Max said she had something to tell me, and she wanted to tell the world at the same time…

Max: Oh, I sure do!

Me: Alright, so exactly what is so special that you had to drag me out of a highly entertaining Skype argument about Florida weather? Saint thinks snow is better...

Max: I figured out how to prove to you that I'm trustworthy, responsible, and I don't need to be rented out to obsessive fans and hormonal blind mutants for three weeks!

Me: Pray tell, how the Jeb are you gonna do that?

Max: By showing you that I can take care of a living, breathing, thinking creature!

Me: No pets. Especially ones that can think. I learned that the hard way.

Max: It's not a pet, it's a captive!

Me: It's a WHAT?!?!?!

Max: A captive!

Me: Nononono, it doesn't work like that, captives don't take their own captives! That right is reserved for the authors!

Max: Well, too fnicking bad. What's done is done.

Me: Alright. Whatever, I'll play along. Who or what did you capture?

Max: Check it! –lets little white jellyfish thing fly-

Me: Uh… Is that one of those flying seed-things from Avatar? You ARE obsessed…

Max: You mean an atokirina?

Me: I don't know the name… And I didn't need to…

Max: Isn't it freaking AWESOME?!?!?!

Me: Yeah, sure, everyone loves a flying, glowing seed. How is this gonna change my mind? How are you gonna take care of a seed? It's a Fnicking SEED!

Max: This isn't my captive, I just thought it was cool.

Me: Okay, then what is… Wait… how the Jeb did you get an Atomic Corona?

Max: Ah-toe-kee-ree-nah. Atokirina.

Me: Fine, how'd you get an Ah-toe-kee-ree-nah?

Max: I grabbed one in the process of capturing.

Me: You grabbed- what? You- Wait a minute…

Max: Figuring it out yet?

Me: -facepalm- Please, please, please tell me I'm wrong.

Max: Don't worry! I picked your favorite!

Me: All my favorite characters in Avatar DIED.

Max: They did? Are you sure?

Me: Tsu'tey, Quaritch, Trudy, Nor- Okay, well, Norm survived, but let's ignore him…

Max: You didn't have any other favorites?

Me: There really weren't that many to choose from.

Max: Positive?

Me: Yeah.

Max: S#$%.

-crash in background-

Max: Double s#$%.

Me: There's a ten-foot-tall blue person in my room, isn't there?

Max: Heheheh…

Me: I refuse to make this story a crossover.

Max: You don't really have a choice anymore…

Me: -whacks with herring- That's the first of many. You're going to return your little captive.

Max: -whacks back with herring- No! I don't want to get shipped out to random people for three weeks!

Me: -whacks back with herring- You don't have a choice!

Max: -whacks back with herring- I will prove I am responsible!

Neytiri: -whacks back of head with bow-

Me: Ow! What the Fni- OH MY GOD!!!!!

Neytiri: -hisses-

Max: Oh, hey Neytiri… I see you figured out the door…

Neytiri: Who are you? Why am I here? What is this place?

Max: Well, I'm Max, this is Matt…

Me: Hi…

Max: …And don't worry, we're friends!

Neytiri: You did not answer other questions! Where am I?

Max: Earth. Sky people world.

Me: Great, now she's gonna kill us.

Neytiri: You are not sky people. You don't wear face-shields.

Me: Don't need 'em. We can breathe here. This is our home planet, after all.

Neytiri: Then you ARE sky people, and you deserve to die!

Max: No, we're not bad! I'm not even a sky people! See? -spreads wings-

Me: Yeah, she's even worse. Kill her.

Neytiri: Fine. You live. Send me back home.

Me: See? I'm not the only one who wants her gone.

Max: Uh, yeah, we can't do that.

Neytiri: Why not?

Me: Yeah, Max, why not?

Max: Uh… This is a… Test! From Eywa!

Me: (whispered) That's some five-star bulls#$%.

Max: (whispered) Gracias.

Me: (whispered) You're still dead.

Neytiri: What do sky people know of Eywa?

Max: Uh…

Me: She sent you to us so that you may learn, and that you may also teach us. And Max, I just saved your ass. You owe me.

Neytiri: I don't trust you.

Me: I don't blame you.

Neytiri: But I trust Eywa. So I will stay and learn.

Max: Great!

Me: (With illegal levels of sarcasm) Outstanding.

Neytiri: When do we begin? When can I return home to my people?

Me: Ask Max, she's in charge of you.

Max: What? Now, hang on…

Me: I refuse to involve myself more than necessary. Now I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower.

Max: Whatever. Neytiri and I'll finish off the chapter.

Me: No, I don't want here near the computer. That won't work out well.

Neytiri: I can hear you. Why won't it work out well?

Max: Well, it… Uh… Look at the time! We oughta be ending this!

Me: Whaddya mean, it's only one… And you have a good point! Bye!

Max: See ya, peoples!

Neytiri: Who are you talking to?

Max: Nobody…

Neytiri: You sky people are very odd…

* * *

**Me: You do realize that anybody who hasn't seen Avatar is as lost as hell right now, right?**

**Max: Oh Fnicking well. They can go see it.**

**Neytiri: What is Avatar? Why do you keep talking about it?**

**Me: -changes topic- Hey, Neytiri, do you mind if some people ask you a few questions?**

**Neytiri: What kind of questions?**

**Me: I'm really not sure. It depends.**

**Max: So now you want questions for a mutant, two gay people, and a Na'vi?**

**Me: Pretty much, yeah.**

**Neytiri: What are gay people? Are they like sky people?**

**Me: Someone's in for a culture shock...**

**Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max**

**Max: Hey, hold on a minute! You're forgetting someone.**

**Me: Fine.**

******Thanks for reading! -Matt,Max&Neytiri**

******Me: Happy now?**

******Max: Very.**


	23. Max Here, Breaking Laws

**Max: Hey everyone, betcha didn't expect an update this soon, huh?**

**Well, I'll let you in on a little secret: Matt doesn't either.**

**Yeah, I decided he shouldn't let his personal problems get in the way of entertaining random people from across the globe, so I hacked his laptop.**

**It was really pretty easy... I just opened it...**

**Nah, I used the network to copy files from his laptop onto the family PC... So I've got a few unpublished chapters to hold you over until he's ready to return.**

**Yeah, you heard me. I'm stealing unfinished chapters and posting them to the internet. I'll leave the hiatus message up, since technically, we're still on it... -shrug-**

**This one... Uh... Ah, this one was supposed to go up last week. i remember he kept complaining about having to constantly delay it because of Skype...**

**-shrug- Here ya go. Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

To whom it may concern, due to various reasons, including, but not limited to:

Depression caused by bad memories having to do with the end of FANG Preparations for my birthday Teaching an alien being how life on Earth works

Miss Maximum Ride will not be joining us tonight.

In other words, I'm going solo, bitches.

That's right, I just called you bitches. Why? Since I'm going solo, there's no mutant birdkid sitting next to me to whack me with a herring every five seconds, and I can do whatever the Fnick I want.

Well…. There is an alien being sitting next to me, who is more than willing to whack me with her bow every five seconds… Thankfully, if I just talk in slang and cuss a lot, she has no idea what I'm saying.

So that down wit y'all bitches?

Neytiri: I do not have an idea of what you said right now.

Me: Exactly. And has Max taught you any useful Engilsh?

Neytiri: Whaddya mean, mother#$%er?

Me: ….......And I thought M.G failed at ghetto…

Neytiri: Foshizzle.

Me: Okay... Whatever. I'm just gonna, like, try this idea out... see how it works...

* * *

**Me, Max, and a Dog Kennel Proudly Presents...**

**HOW TO GET THROWN OUT OF THE MALL IN 101 EASY STEPS!**

_*The following requires some not-so-easy preparations, for example, kidnapping a mutant birdkid and a Na'vi._

_ *MM&aDK is not responsible for any damages caused by the preparations._

_ *MM&aDK is also not responsible for any legal issues that may result from using this How-To guide._

_ *Hell, we're not responsible, period._

1.) Have your mutant sidekick text you about going to the mall later.

2.) Ignore the text, since you're working concessions at a soccer field for less than minimum wage.

3.) Have her text you again.

4.) Ignore that text as well.

5.) Have her call you.

6.) Answer only because you just got fired for texting your other friends.

7.) Argue with your mutant sidekick.

8.) Win.

9.) Go home to find your mutant sidekick and scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend ready to leave.

10.) Be informed that you're going to the mall anyway.

11.) Argue with your mutant sidekick again.

12.) Get kicked in the nuts by your mutant sidekick.

13.) Give in. Regret not wearing a cup.

14.) Quickly text some normal friends.

15.) Receive no responses. Curse every immortal being you can think of.

16.) Apologize when Hades appears randomly.

17.) Apologize when Zeus does too.

18.) Don't apologize to Jupiter, on the grounds that you already apologized to Zeus, and they're the same person.

19.) Apologize twice, once for cursing him, and once for insulting him.

20.) Just walk away when Zeus shows up again to argue how it was an insult.

21.) Spend 27 minutes and 38 seconds trying to figure out how to jam your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend into a car.

22.) Succeed.

23.) Learn, the hard way, that your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend is claustrophobic.

24.) Turn on the radio, just in case that helps.

25.) Learn, the hard way, that your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend is afraid of rock music.

26.) Flip through stations in hopes of finding something that everyone can enjoy.

27.) Learn, the hard way, that your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend only enjoys country music and talk radio.

29.) Curse your mutant sidekick for bringing your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend to Earth in the first place.

30.) Drive around the mall for 20 minutes trying to find a place to park where the whole world won't see your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend.

31.) Realize that the whole world is gonna see your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend anyway.

32.) Enter mall. Ignore stares.

33.) Spot Fromo making out with Lear. Nearly puke.

34.) Be glad Fromo's not making out with your mutant sidekick.

35.) Imagine Fromo making out with your mutant sidekick.

36.) Actually puke this time.

37.) Decide to pretend your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend doesn't exist.

38.) Yell at everyone who reacts to the presence of a nonexistent scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue person.

39.) Decide the world has gone crazy.

40.) Wonder if you're the crazy one, and the world is completely normal.

41.) Take one look at your mutant sidekick and decide it's probably a mix of the two.

42.) Decide to get your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend some clothes.

43.) Choose to look for clothes in FYE. (For Your Entertainment. Music/Movies/Games etc. Just in case you didn't know.)

44.) Search the entire store for a blink-182 shirt.

45.) Find one. Only one.

46.) Curse everyone you can think of who isn't immortal or within 100 miles in any direction when you realize it's size XXL.

47.) Thank everyone you can think of who isn't immortal or within 100 miles in any direction when you realize it'll fit your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend.

48.) Spend way too much money on the shirt.

49.) Your mutant sidekick decides to embarrass you by dragging you into Victoria's Secret.

50.) Embarrass your mutant sidekick by reorganizing the thongs.

51.) And the bras.

52.) And pretty much anything else you can find.

53.) Get thrown out when your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend knocks over a display of extremely revealing "clothes."

54.) Ask the saleslady why you're getting thrown out for that, and not for reorganizing half the store.

55.) Get thrown out for that too.

56.) Wander over to that custom t-shirt store.

57.) Read every single design on the wall out loud.

58.) Laugh at the majority of them.

59.) Buy a paperclip.

60.) Leave.

61.) Realize your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend has ditched the blink shirt.

62.) Yell at your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend for ditching a perfectly good shirt that you just happened to pay for.

63.) Receive multiple whacks with her bow.

64.) Drag your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend to the nearest clothing store.

65.) Run screaming out of Hollister.

66.) Drag your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend to the second-nearest clothing store.

67.) Get chased out by angry Victoria's Secret saleslady.

68.) Decide your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend looks better without clothes on anyway.

69.) Realize your mutant sidekick is missing.

70.) S#$% bricks when she walks out of Hollister carrying eight different bags.

71.) Throw said bricks at Victoria's Secret saleslady.

72.) Decide to check out the home furnishings store.

73.) Buy a fake tree.

74.) Go outside.

75.) Plant fake tree.

76.) Hang out in food court and make fun of passers-by.

77.) Learn that your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend couldn't insult someone with a "How-To" manual.

78.) Try to teach your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend how to give someone the finger.

79.) Fail when you realize she only has four fingers, and therefore no middle finger.

80.) Realize mall is closing, and if you're going to stay, you need to go see a movie.

81.) Try to convince your mutant sidekick that Avatar isn't going to be any better the eighth time.

82.) Lose argument.

83.) Learn the hard way that 3-D glasses weren't made to be worn by Na'vi.

84.) Find that fact mildly ironic.

85.) Adapt glasses for a Na'vi with bendy straw from food court and paperclip from shirt store.

86.) Place bets on how long it'll be until your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend freaks out when she realizes what the movie is.

87.) Lose when she freaks out the moment Jake Sully appears on screen, approximately 5 seconds in.

88.) Stop trying to get your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend to stop freaking out when she freaks out for the 42nd time approximately 7 minutes in.

89.) Zone out, since you've seen this movie seven times before and honestly are tired of it.

90.) Suddenly realize that

...........A.) The movie's almost over.

...........B.) Your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend has stopped freaking out and is now concentrating intensely.

...........C.) Your arm is around your mutant sidekick's shoulder.

91.) Wonder how the hell it got there.

92.) Decide to go with the flow and... You know... Move in closer... Etc...

93.) Potential moment that would cause many random people to go "Awwww" is ruined by 3-D glasses getting in way.

94.) Awkwardly jump back and pretend nothing happened.

95.) Practically drag your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend out of the theater.

96.) Load back up into the car and realize that your scantily clad 10-foot-tall blue friend never put the blink shirt on in the first place. Facepalm repeatedly.

97.) Realize you failed to get thrown out of the mall.

98.) Decide getting thrown out of Victoria's Secret counts.

99.) Wonder if this whole thing would make a good chapter.

100.) Decide it wouldn't.

101.) Make it one anyway.

* * *

Me: I actually had to cut it down to keep it within 101... -shrug- Never thought I'd be able to make it.

Neytiri: Foshizzle.

Me: Okay, you can stop now.

Neytiri: -stops-

Me: Wow, that was easy... I like you a lot more than Max. You actually listen...

Neytiri: Foshizzle.

Me: -facepalm-

* * *

**Max: ...I probably should have cut out the last few steps... Heheh...**

**Okay, well, I'm gonna go digging through his files again, see what else I can find. He was looking okay today, so i'd expect him to be back by the end of the week.**

**Wait...**

**Is he...**

**Nevermind. Add a few more days.**

**-sigh-**

**Oh, and if I find any Q&A chapters, I'll add in any more questions you may have. Obviously, Matt won't be answering any, but I will. Neytiri too.**

**Okay, see ya!**

**_Thanks for reading! -Max_**


	24. Q & A Part 5, Courtesy of Max

**Max: -looks around- Okay, got another for ya.**

**Found this one lurking way in the back... Along with something else that I may be able to make a chapter...**

**Uh, yeah, so this is Q&A Part... Whatever we're on now. -shrug-**

**Oh, and some background info, Matt, Neytiri, and I went to a Rays-Yankees spring training game and wrote it there... So... Yeah.**

**Okay, have fun.**

**

* * *

**

Announcer: Now up for the Yankees, #2, Derek Jeter...

Me: Hey peoples, we're taking the show on the road tonight.

Max: -nodnod-

Me: So, from Steinbrenner Field in Tampa, Florida, here is the newest installment of the neverending Q&A!

Max: -shrug- We want the Rays to win, right?

Me: The Skype crew is 110% against the Yanks, so, yeah.

Max: It's spring training...

Me: -shrug- How're you holding up, Neytiri?

Neytiri: -is hanging over stadium edge so she doesn't tower over everyone- My arms hurt.

Max: Too bad the stadium's packed, our you could actually climb up over the wall... sorry...

Me: Shall we get to the questions? -pulls out notebook-

Max: Let's hit it.

Me: Alright, here we go...

**For Max:**

**Do you like sporks? -claireroxx101**

Max: I don't have anything against them.

Me: -shrug- Good answer. Next...

**For Max: You're stuck in a giant box, you cannot break it/tear it apart/rip it open/have someone get you out/use any mutant power thingies/etc. and all you have is a mirror and a 2x4. How do you get out? -nudge-potter**

Max: ...Huh?

Me: Answer the question...

Max: I escape using the mirror and the 2x4.

Me: ...Next.

**For Max: Your flock is in terrible danger, but you saved Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, and Total. Now, you can only save one more person. Angel or Fang? -nudge-potter**

Max: Angel. Fang left.

Me: Okay, pre-FANG.

Max: Fang. Angel's a bitch.

Me: I said pre-FANG.

Max: Why would I save Total, anyway?

Me: Moving on...

**For Max: What would you do if Fromo tried to rape you in your sleep? -Skits and Iggy**

Max: Beat the living s#$% out of him.

Me: You know, if you take that sexually, that means that you...

Max: -facepalm- Can anything NOT be taken sexually?

Me: No, not really.

Neytiri: What is a sexually? Why does everyone take it?

Me: ...Just watch the baseball game, please...

**For Matt: What would YOU do if Fromo tried to rape YOU in YOUR sleep? -Skits and Iggy**

Me: Brutally murder him.

Max: ...I can't figure out how to take that sexually. Damn.

Neytiri: -is wondering about taking a sexually-

**For Matt&Max: Do either of you like rusty sporks? -Skits and Iggy**

Me: I've never encountered a metal spork, much less a rusty one...

Max: Ditto.

Neytiri: Is a spork like a sexually?

Me: I'm just gonna start ignoring her in a minute...

**For Matt&Max: What's your opinion on being beat with a rusty spork? -Skits and Iggy**

Max: Is that for both of us?

Me: Didn't specify. -beats Max with rusty spork-

Max: -sigh-

**For Matt&Max: Are you afraid of the Pillsbury Doughboy? -Skits and Iggy**

Max: Again, how is that for both of us?

Me: -shrug-

Max: Well, I'm not.

Me: I'm afraid of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man...

Neytiri: Who is Pills-bur-ee Doh-boy?

Max: -sigh- Okay, we need a Q&A chapter for Neytiri only...

**For Matt&Max: Do you think I'm a creeper? -Iggy**

Max: Yes.

Me: Yes.

Neytiri: Yes.

Me: ...Wow Iggy, the alien thinks you're a creeper. You deserve an award.

**For Matt&Max: When I do this- Fa(n)g- do you think I'm inconspicuously calling Fang a Fag? -Skits and Iggy**

Max: No, but it would be if you called Fang "Iggy."

Me: Max, he's dating -, remember?

Max: And you're jealous.

Me: I'm... Wait, what?

Max: You're jealous of Iggy.

Me: ...You know what, I'm just not even gonna bother arguing... If I've learned anything from Skype, it's that no matter what you say, it'll be used against you...

**For Max: How do you manage to stay somewhat sane while being a freaking prisoner to Matt? -WingedHero540**

Max: Heh, I lost my sanity a long time ago.

Me: And her virginity.

Max: ...No.

Me: -points to Wedding story-

Max: -facepalm-

Me: -laughs evilly-

**For Max: Would you rather cut your wings off and live with Fang forever, or keep your wings, but never be able to see or talk about Fang? -FictionWriting101**

Max: I already am never able to see Fang. Talk about... Meh...

Me: -sigh- These questions are all pre-FANG.

Max: Fine... Cut off my wings.

**For Max: Would you rather live in a dog crate beside a dog crate with Fang in it your whole entire life or be free to do what ever you want except see or hear anything to do with Fang? -FictionWriting101**

Max: -sigh- Dog crate...

**For Max: Do you enjoy slapping Matt? -Not_Telling**

Max: -slaps- very much so.

Me: Hey! -slaps back-

Max: -slaps-

Me: -starts slap war-

Neytiri: -watches intently-

**For Max: What do you get out of slapping Matt? -Not_Telling**

Max: I get slapped back.

Me: Damn straight.

**For Max: If I put you, Fang, and Ginny Weasley (who has red hair) in a room together with a chainsaw and a wand, who would win? -Not_telling**

Max: Win what? Monopoly? Scrabble? Pin the tail on the chainsaw?

Me: ...Who wants food?

Neytiri: I'm not hungry.

Max: You don't eat most Earth food anyway... I'll have a hot dog.

Me: Got it. I'll be back.

Max: No Ahnold impressions...

Me: -leaves-

Max: ...

Neytiri: ...

Max: ...

Neytiri: ...

Max: So... You like the weather?

Neytiri: -facepalm-

Max: -sigh-

Me: Alright, back.

Max: This is a big weiner.

Me: Yeah. Shattered what's left of my self-confidence...

Max: ...

Me: QUESTIONS!

**For Matt: Does Max still sleep in a dog kennel? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: She moved to the couch, but now Neytiri sleeps there, so, yeah, she's back in the kennel.

**For Matt: Does she talk in her sleep? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: Max? I don't pay attention. Neytiri? No.

Neytiri: -grins-

Max: I don't!

Me: -shrug-

**For Matt: How do you know the answer to this question? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: Neytiri told me. She's from the future.

Neytiri: -grins-

**For Matt: Does Fromo hide in your closet? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: Not anymore. He's got Lear. Plus, Neytiri's awesome at keeping people out of my room.

Neytiri: -grins-

**For Max: Joe Boxer or Victoria's Secret? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Max: Secret. Even if I can't afford it.

Me: ...Didn't need to know that.

**For Matt: What century is Lear from? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: 14th of 15th, I think. I have to ask him again...

**For Matt: Why does everyone's name rhyme in this story? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: 'Cuz we're just cool like that.

**For Matt: Does Lear talk in HIS sleep? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: Dunno.

**For Matt: Do you know the answer to the previous question? Do I want to know how you know? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: ...Can I not answer this, since I already did?

**For Max: Do you have a stalker? I hear Iggy's got one, and that they're spreading... -Caris L. Clearwater**

Max: If you don't count Fromo, no. Matt does, though.

Me: -nodnod- Skits, Kara, Saint...

**For Matt&Max: Would you rather make out with Dylan or Fang? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Max: Fang.

Me: ...Uh... None of the above?

Max: Pick one.

Me: Fine. Dylan, since I'm less likely to run into him on Skype.

Max: -evil grin-

Me: Wait... He's really Justin Bieber! I forgot... Fang then.

Max: -growls-

Me: -sigh- See, this is why I hate these kinds of questions...

**For Max: Are you secretly hiding another Fang plushie and do you talk to it like it's a real person? -Dani-Of-Insomnia**

Max: I have several, and they're not secret... And no, I don't talk to them.

Me: Riiiiiiiight...

Max: Really! I can just talk to Fang on Skype.

Me: ...Alright, that's true...

**For Max: Or do you seriously think it's a real person? -Dani-Of-Insomnia**

Max: Who, Fang? On Skype? Yeah, he's real.

Me: -facepalm- That wasn't the question...

**For Max: Do you think that just because you spin your love for Fang into every stitch that it automatically makes his soul with one with the plushie? -Dani-Of-Insomnia**

Max: ...You're scaring me now...

**For Max: Sometimes, when your missing your emo-angel beloved, do you kiss your emo-angel plushie and whisper words of a long-distance romance? -dani-Of-Insomnia**

Max: No. You're seriously scaring me now.

**For Max: Did you read Twilight, and if so, Team Jacob or Team Edward? -Dani-Of-Insomnia**

Max: No, I haven't read Twilight. I'm on Team Fnick.

**For Max: Are you aware that Saint is after your man, excuse me, emo-angel/mutant/winged-sexy-god? -Dani-Of-Insomnia**

Max: Way to string together adjectives there, Dani.

Me: They're married. And I'm married to Saint... And Max... And M.G... And Kara...

Max: I ignore Skype most of the time... For that very reason...

Neytiri: Matt is a play-uh!

Me: Heck yeah! High four!

Neytiri: -high fours-

**For Fromo: If Max were a man, would you rather make out with him or Bruno? -Dani-Of-Insomnia**

Max: We have a certain lack of Fromo...

Me: Don't worry, I already asked him. He said Lear.

Max: ...

**For Fromo: Okay, Max is still a girl, would you rather make out with her or the dude with the hat over his head on Fat Albert? -Dani-Of-Insomnia**

Me: He said Lear again.

**For Lear: Do you have homosexual feelings for Shakespeare? -Dani-Of-Insomnia**

Me: Lear said yes...

Max: -yawn-

**For Fromo: What do you think of when I say "You suck?" -Nightside -Taylor - Tyler**

Me: He said "Mmmmm..."

Max: Duh...

**For Max: Why the hell would someone want to paint themselves blue? Were you in the right state of mind? -Iggy**

Max: -blushes-

Neytiri: -is offended-

Me: Wow Iggy, now the alien thinks you're a creeper and doesn't like you...

**For Matt: What are the basic principles of your religion? -Mariden**

Me: Fnick protects the poor and wingless. Max, the Queen of Witty Comments and Sarcastic Comments sits at his side.

Max: Guess who came up with that part?

Me: I'm not gonna go into details about the various saints and Saint and Iggys... And Jeb is the equivalent of hell.

Max: And, obviously, polygamy is allowed.

Me: Of course.

**For Max: How do you feel about going to a boys' school?- Amu**

Max: I'm used to it now... Having Neytiri around adds the necessary girlness to my life.

Neytiri: -grins-

**For Fromo: Why are you stalking Max? -Myrhh**

Me: He's not anymore...

**For Fromo: Do you still think Max is a boy? -Myrhh**

Max: Did he ever care?

**For Matt: Does my anonymity bother you? -Myrhh**

Me: I spend hours talking to people from around the world who I'll probably never meet in real life... So no, not really.

**For Max: Does it bother you? -Myrhh**

Max: Nope.

Me: Next few questions are from my sister Emma... We live in the same HOUSE... So we'll skip these...

**For Matt: Why don't you and Saint just meet each other and make Fang and Max get together? That would solve all the Fax-y-ness, right? -DarkAngelWings159**

Me: -cough-Skype-cough-

**For Neytiri: Can you stand the sound of Hannah Montana's voice when she sings "The Best Of Both Worlds?" -Caris L. Clearwater**

Neytiri: A question for me?

Me: Yep.

Neytiri: I have never heard that song.

Max: Okay then...

Me: -stops recording conversation so Neytiri can listen to song-

.

.

.

.

.

Me: -restarts-

Neytiri: -is moaning in pain-

Me: Answer your question, Caris?

**For Fromo&Lear: Do you guys enjoy listening to Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl", or does it just annoy you? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: Fromo said "That song is SOOOOO last year." Lear's never heard it.

**For Max: Why do you keep trying to get left home alone? It will never work, so why not quit when you're behind? -Caris L. Clearwater**

Max: Is this about Australia? Ah, well then...

Me: -sigh- I'm not going after all. So... Yeah...

**For Matt: Did you ever notice that both your and Max's names rhyme? C'mon, say it out loud: Max and Matt. You've gotta admit, it's catchy... -Caris L. Clearwater**

Me: They don't rhyme, but they are similar... Took Saint forever to figure out a pairing name... She settled on Mattax... And she's writing a Mattax fic now...

Max: -facepalm- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Me: Be my guest.

Max: -leaves-

Announcer: Now batting for the Rays, Designated Hitter Pat Burrell...

Pat Burrell Hater: BOOOO! YOU STINK!

Neytiri: Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

Me: Neytiri, you just got a million times cooler.

Neytiri: -grins-

Me: Okay, forget Max, let's get back to the questions...

**For Matt: Are you sad that I kidnapped Max two days before you did? -Vera**

Me: No. Since my Max held out longer, clearly she is the real Max, and you have Max II.

**For Matt: Or maybe mad? -Vera**

Me: No...

**For Matt: Possibly glad? -Vera**

Me: No...

**For Matt: Or, um, bad? -Vera**

Me: No...

**For Matt: Did you realize I was rhyming in my last four questions? -Vera**

Me: Yes, I did, V...

**For Matt: Have you ever wondered what would happen if we put my Max and your Max in the same room? -Vera**

Me: It's in book 2. At the end. Read it.

**For Matt: Is Stevo ever going to do anything else, other than what he's already doing constantly? -Vera**

Me: If he was doing something else, he wouldn't be grabbing his dick constantly, would he?

**For Matt: Did that make sense? -Vera**

Me: Apparently...

**For Matt: How'd you get Lear the Queer now, anyway? -Vera**

Me: It's a long story, involving Skits, Saint, Fang, and it ended with me joining Skype. So thank him.

**For Matt: Are you ever going to post the thing about the Homecoming? -Vera**

Me: Ask Saint. -glares at Saint-

**For Matt: Did you know that my temporary-hamster (don't ask) was named Sara? -Vera**

Me: No, I didn't.

**For Matt: Is that a freaky coincidence, or no? -Vera**

Me: No.

**For Matt: Am I asking too many questions? -Vera**

Me: Yeah. You could just ask me on Skype, save time...

**For Matt: Did you know that I'm writing the next chapter of Nutty, even though I updated it a few hours ago? -Vera**

Me: No.

**For Matt: No? -Vera**

Me: Yes.

**For Matt: Do you know what a TARDIS is? Max doesn't... poor thing... -Vera**

Me: No. She tried to explain, but she failed miserably...

**For Matt: Did you know I actually didn't really like Avatar that much, but am looking forward to Avatar: The Last Airbender? -Vera**

Me: No, I didn't.

**For Matt: Is the Avatar/Avatar: TLA thing freaky, too? -Vera**

Me: Since Avatar was intended for release in 1999, but was delayed for a decade because it was so damn expensive, no, not really.

Max: What'd I miss?

Me: Neytiri getting street cred.

Max: -stares-

Neytiri: -grins-

Me: Your turn to face Vera...

**For Max: How does it feel, knowing that there're three others yous out there? -Vera**

Max: I stopped caring a while ago.

**For Max: Is THAT what you needed the time machine for? -Vera**

Max: No, THAT is. -points to alien-

Neytiri: -grins-

**For Max: What do you think of me possibly taking care of you for a few days? -Vera**

Max: You're not...

**For Max: Did you know that, oddly, it's really hard for my to think of questions for you? -Vera**

Max: Why do you ask yes or no questions? They take all the fun out of answering...

**For Max: On that thought, am I asking too many questions, again? -Vera**

Max: No, I have nothing better to do...

**For Max: Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? -Vera**

Max: I'm neutral.

**For Max: Why? -Vera**

Max: ...I just said I'm neutral...

**For Max: Has Matt fallen for the blue waffles thing yet? -Vera**

Max: Nope.

Me: HEY EVERYBODY! TYPE "BLUE WAFFLE" INTO GOOGLE AND HIT I'M FEELING LUCKY!

Max: Are you trying to lose readers?

**For Max: Do you have any comment on your freaky hair? -Vera**

Max: Nope.

**For Max: What was Matt's facial expression when we were talking about bra sizes on Skype?**

Max: I wasnt't there... -sigh-

**For Fromo: How do you get in Matt's home/room? -Vera**

Me: He refused to answer that...

**For Fromo: Why hasn't he changed the locks yet? -Vera**

Me: I did...

**For Fromo: And how do you get into his room without him noticing? -Vera**

Me: Again, no answer...

**For Fromo: If Lear's your cousin, how is he from the Elizabethan era? -Vera**

Me: They're cousins, 377 times removed, technically.

**For Fromo: Did you know that I honestly can't think of anymore questions for you? -Vera**

Me: He didn't.

**For Lear: Do you speak any languages other than Ye Olde Englishe and American English? -Vera**

Me: Latin, apparently.

**For Lear: Is it weird that I phrased my question like that? -Vera**

Me: Nope.

**For Lear: And is it weird that I asked you that, and not Matt? -Vera**

Me: I answered it anyway. Just like this one.

**For Lear: Do you know what Google is? -Vera**

Me: Yep. Oh, wait, Lear, no.

**For Lear: How does it feel, being in the 21st century, after living in the Elizabethan era? -Vera**

Me: He left at this point.

Max: Wow, V, you just took up two innings...

**For Neytiri: ...I honestly can't think of any questions for you. Wow. -Vera**

Neytiri: Praise Eywa.

Me: Almost done...

**For Matt&Max: Can I hug you? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: Sure.

Max: Go for it.

**For Matt&Max: Would you hate it if I hugged you? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: Nope.

Max: Not really.

**For Matt&Max: What if I told you I was Fang's sister? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: -shrug-

Max: Are we done yet?

**For Matt&Max: What if I told you I was SAINT'S sister? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: You're my sister-in-law. Hi!

Max: -ignores-

**For Matt&Max: What if I told you I was Iggy's sister? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: Which Iggy?

Max: -ignores-

**For Matt&Max: And I loved Fang? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: -shrug-

Max: -ignores-

**For Matt&Max: And I was having sex with Iggy, Fang, and Justin? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: That'd be weird...

Max: -ignores-

**For Matt&Max: And I was a vampire/werewolf/avian american/witch/demigod? -**EdwardHydesGal101

Me: You redefine "crossover."

Max: -ignores-

**For Matt&Max: And I loved Iggy? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: Again, which Iggy?

Max: -ignores-

**For Matt&Max: So what would you do? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: Wait, that was all one question?

Max: -facepalm-

**For Matt: Do you like musicals? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Me: Only ones I like.

**For Max: Do you like musicals? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Max: Same as Matt.

**For Matt&Max: What happened to the Fang Plushies? -EdwardHydesGal101**

Max: Nothing.

Me: -holds up plushie-

**For Max: Can I have a plushie? -The new Flock member**

Max: No.

Me: -tosses plushie to Dylan-

Max: Huh?

Me: New Flock member. Dylan.

Max: Ah...

Me: And... Last but not least...

**For Neytiri: Hi Neytiri! WAIT- Where's Jake! -WingedWerewolf**

Max: Oh s$#%...

Neytiri: Jake? Jake! Myjake! Jake! -freaks out-

Max: Never. Ever. Say the J-word.

Neytiri: Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake! -runs through stands, searching for Jake-

Me: ...Well, we're about to get thrown out.

Max: We're getting good at that...

* * *

**Max: -yawn- Okay, in my humble opinion, which isn't all that humble in the first place, this sucked... I guess that's why it was way in the back... -shrug-**

**The questions were... Too normal. Heh, whatever.**

**I guess around here I oughta say something about new questions, blah, blah, review please, Matt's close to breaking and coming back, etc.**

**Adios.**

**-Max**


	25. Saint Strikes Back

**Max: Hey, Max here again.**

**No, Matt's not on hiatus anymore. He's not available at the moment. He's in the hospital... Passed out from laughing too hard... Something about these questions mixed with Bell's new story, TAE Bloopers...**

**There, I plugged it, happy, Bell?**

**Wanna link too?**

**http :/www . fanfiction . net/s/5859546/1/**

**Drop the spaces... Yeah.**

**And, while I'm talking to you, Bell, just admit it, you're jealous of me 'cuz I've got Matt.**

**There... More jealousy... -sits back to watch chaos- I love my job...**

**Okay, new chapter. Here you go, peoples.**

**

* * *

**

Me: Well, I told Saint that the last Q & A chapter sucked because of the lack of Saint-and-Fang-authored questions.

Any idea what those Damn New Englanders did?

Max: They almost crashed your email...

Me: No, that was M.G, she spammed my FB wall... 39 times, I think.

Max: Ah...

Me: And so... Welcome to "Saint and Fang's School of How To Ask Q&A Questions."

Max: Also known as "Keeping Matt and Max Up Late _Again,_ Making Being Grounded Over Spring Break Even More Likely."

Me: Nah, we're more likely to get grounded because I'm talking to Bell again. These conversations don't end.

Max: And you wonder why you're jealous...

Me: -facepalm- I'm. Not. Je- You know, I'm sure Saint asked about that, so we'll deal with that later...

Max: Fine, whatever...

Me: Neytiri, can I borrow your knife, just in case one of us needs to commit suicide?

Neytiri: ...No.

Me: Well, on that positive note...

**Saint: How do you like your name, Matthias?**

Me: -looks around for a Matthias-

Max: -slaps-

Me: Okay, fine, I guess I'm getting used to it... I still don't like it, but I'm getting used to it...

**Fang: You realize she'll never stop calling you that, right?**

Me: Yeah...

**Saint: Are you guys ready for my Mattax fic?**

Me: Neytiri! Knife! Now!

Neytiri: No!

Max: -starts strangling self-

Me: -same-

Neytiri: Does that answer your question, Saint?

**Fang: Or would you rather eat the s#$% of the monkey with crabs?**

Max: Eat the s#$%.

Me: ...I'll take this fic...

Max: -gapes-

Me: It's Saint! It'll be funny, even if I'll have to kill myself afterwards...

**Saint: Max, have you at any point seriously considered dating Dill Weed?**

Max: No comment.

Me: Yeah, she has...

Max: -slaps-

Me: -grins- -holds up Max's Diary-

Max: -slaps repeatedly-

**Fang: And did you know his face could be considered dangerous?**

Me: Fang, you forget I talk to Saint on Skype... Yes, it is.

Max: The utter perfection of every inch of his face mesmerizes you and slowly draws you in towards his lusci- I mean, yeah.

Me: -stares-

Max: -reaches for knife-

**Saint: Are you ready to drive to Orlando to see me in January?**

Me: Nope. -points to lack of license-

Max: Dude, you could have gotten that a week ago...

**Fang: And are you bringing Max?**

Max: Hell yeah, he is.

**Saint: Are you ready to meet my aunt? She wants to meet you...**

Me: Oh yeah, I get to meet Affie... That'll be interesting...

Max: You're screwed. Just chop your dick off now.

**Fang: You're not ready. Trust me.**

Me: I didn't think I was...

Max: I've got a nice, sharp knife right here... One slash, and you'll be ready...

Me: I'm not chopping it off, thankyouverymuch.

**Saint: Are you gonna grow your soft hair back?**

Me: After that last little bit, everyone's gonna think you mean some other hair...

And yes, it's already growing back...

**Fang: Are you gonna let Saint pet you?**

Me: Am I even going to have a choice?

**Saint: Can you re-send me the homecoming chapter?**

Me: Will do.

**Fang: Do you mind if I slap her for not paying attention the last time you sent it?**

**Saint: -whacks Fang-**

**Fang: Ow!**

Me: Sure. Besides, she just whacked you, so you need to defend yourself...

Max: -mentally adds "off" between "Fang" and "-" - -chuckles-

**Saint: Anyway! What do you think of Jesus Oursourcing?**

Me: I think that's bull.

Max: Yeah, it's impossible to "Oursource," Saint. "Outsource," maybe, but "oursource?"

**Fang: Oh, you ever hear Dane Cook's Catholic skit? It's hilarious.**

Me: Nope, don't watch/listen to Dane Cook.

**Saint: Fromo, have you ever considered the fact that your name is kinda like Frodo's from Lord of the Rings? Another (supposed) homo...**

Fromo: -excited nod-

**Fang: What would the Fromo/Frodo pairing name be?**

Me: Fromodo.

Max: It wouldn't happen. The sheer homo-ness would bring the universe to an abrupt and premature end.

**Saint: Stevo, what would you do if you didn't have a dick?**

Stevo: -panics- -grabs- -finds- -is relieved-

**Fang: Lear, do you know what freaking century we're in?**

Lear: The 24th and a half.

Me: Max, stop giving Lear old Looney Toons cartoons...

Max: But it's DUCK DODGERS in the 24TH AND A HALF CENTURY!

**Saint: Ne- Err...N-name person? How do you pronounce your name?**

Neytiri: Neytiri. Nay-TEE-ree.

Me: Or Neh-TEE-ree. She doesn't mind.

Neytiri: -shrugs-

**Fang: Oh, Matt! Did you read the Fang's Journal chapter I wrote for your b-day yet? I'm waiting for a review...**

Me: Yeah, I'm just not in a reviewing mood...

**Saint: When I meet you, can I give you a hug?**

Me: Sure.

Max: Sure.

Neytiri: Good luck.

**Fang: Say yes. She will anyway.**

**Saint: Why do you say that?**

**Fang: Because you get all girly and go, "ZOMG! Person!" And glomp them...**

**Saint: ...Point.**

**Fang: Do you think we're lazy 'cause we won't log in?**

Me: Yep.

Max: Dude, they're asking an assload of questions, that's not lazy...

**Saint: Do you know that I keep trying to say/pronounce your username on here? Tagayepawaya...**

Me: ...

**Fang: ...**

**Saint: Leave me alone...**

**Fang: Did you know Saint's a pedo?**

Me: Yep.

Max: Yep.

Neytiri: What's a pedo?

Max: -explains-

Neytiri: -sharpens knife-

**Saint: Did you know Fang's bi?**

Me: Yep.

Max: He's not!

Me: Figgy, the one true pairing. Mylan, the other one.

Max: -slaps Matt repeatedly-

**Fang: Did you know I'm not bi?**

Max: Yes, I did.

Me: Lying's a sin, Fangles.

**Saint: Well, did you know I'm not a pedo?**

Me: It's sinfullness applies to you too, Saint Fang of Pedophilia.

Max: That was a terrible wordplay...

**Spiffy: Did you know that Saint thinks-szhxrtcygh**

**Saint: Did you know that Spiffy's not allowed to talk? Every time he does, he says something bad...**

Max: Did you know Neytiri's not allowed to talk? Every time she does, I have to explain something...

Me: Hey, Neytiri, know what a blue waffle is?

Max: -facepalm-

**Fang: Max, you know I only left to help you, right?**

Max: Yes.

Me: Or he just eloped with your clone.

Max: HE DIDN'T ELOPE WITH MAX II!

Me: Prove it.

Max: -facepalm-

**Saint: Matt, you got a place for me to stay in Florida? I feel like moving...I'm your polygamist wife, after all.**

Me: -points to house for sale across street- Yep.

Max: And if that doesn't work, you could always share the bed with him...

Me: The one that you deny sneaking into in the middle of the night?

Max: ...I don't...

**Fang: Max, you don't hate me, do you?**

Max: No, Fang, I don't hate you.

Me: She despises you. Makes her sound smarter.

Max: -slaps-

**Saint: Hey, since I'm your wife...Can we adopt kids?**

Me: I thought you already did...?

Max: Apparently not...

Me: -shrug- Go right ahead...

**Fang: I'm so sorry for just leaving a note like that. You know that, right?**

Max: Yes.

Me: But, you know, you could have always added a little something extra... Like, I dunno, not leaving...

**Saint: What do you think of the names Kaleb David Keith and Felicity Denise Noel?**

Me: Saint, just because I have two middle names doesn't mean my kids are going to have two.

Max: Are you really taking this seriously? You know she can legally adopt, right?

**Fang: Max, you know I want us to be together again someday, right?**

Max: Of course.

Me: How else is Max gonna meet your supermodel wife?

**Saint: And Alanna Joan and Noah Francisco?**

Me: Meh, I'll never pronounce "Alanna" right, or spell "Francisco"...

Max: -facepalm-

**Fang: Max, do you still love me?**

Max: Yes.

Me: The same way she loves having to share a bathroom with me, my sisters, and good old Neytiri there, who barely even fits...

**Saint: Is it just me, or is every other question some kind of meaningful 'begging for forgiveness' type thing?**

Max: It's just you.

Me: Oh, no, there definitely is a ton of potential Fax that I'm trying to crush.

**Fang: You realize Saint is ruining the moment?**

Max: Matt's helping...

Me: -grins-

Max: And Neytiri's being Neytiri...

Neytiri: -is gazing off into space, muttering in another language-

Me: When she does that, do you ever just want dump water on her or something?

**Saint: You realize I don't care?**

Max: No, I can't say I do, since I know she's not a good person to be around when she's mad...

Me: Well, she's not a good person, period, since she's not even a person...

Max: No, "Na'vi" is na'vi for "People," therefore she is a person.

**Fang: -headdesks-**

Me: Why are we even talking about this?

Max: Why not?

Neytiri: I've been listening...

Me: ...

Max: ...

Neytiri: This Fang person sounds like an asshole.

Me: Yes! High four! -high fours Neytiri-

Max: -facepalm-

**Saint: So...How's your Y chromosome holding up, Matt?**

Me: I still have both testicles, so I'll say pretty good...

Max: ...You did not just say that... There may be kids reading this, man...

Me: -shrug-

**Fang: As well as mine? If so, I have a white flag you can borrow...**

Me: That sounded so weird after the testicle thing...

Max: So you still have both of them? Nice to know...

Me: Speaking of testicles, was that flag always white?

Max: -facepalm-

**Saint: And are you happy about your dick being above average?**

Me: Wow, perfect timing...

Max: -facepalms repeatedly-

Me: Of course I am... Who wouldn't be?

**Fang: Are you unhappy about her asking that?**

Me: No, I love the timing! Now, is she gonna ask about my ass next?

Max: -facepalm-

**Saint: Max, what do you think of Matt's dick?**

Max: -stares-

Me: -is roflmao-ing-

Max: I... Uh... It's a dick?

Me: -is still in hysterics-

**Fang: Max, are you even gonna answer that?**

Max: I just did...

Me: Alright Saint, come on, do it right now... Ask about Max's vagina...

Max: -slaps-

**Saint: What about Stevo's?**

Me: -is back on floor laughing-

Max: -headdesks repeatedly-

Me: Okay, that was even better than a question about Max's... Yeah...

**Fang: Can you even see it if he keeps grabbing it?**

Max: I don't exactly look for it...

**Saint: Did you just realize that we haven't talked about - yet? 'Cause I did.**

Max: Thank God, topic change...

Me: Saint, but we did talk about -... -points up-

**Fang: -facepalm- And now you have, huh?**

Me: Fang, you really need to pay more attention to the actual conversation going on here... Just like you need to pay more attention to what your girlfriend wants, as opposed to the logic of an 8-month old Canadian who is clearly after your girlfriend.

Max: -gives up-

**Saint: What's your favorite Skype smiley?**

Me: Am I supposed to have one?

Neytiri: Where'd Max go?

Me: I leant her to - for a minute... Let's hope we don't need her for a little bit...

Neytiri: Why?

Me: Oh, Iggy's with Saint and Fang right now, and I convinced - to post this new story of hers... But without Iggy, she had nobody to do the A/N with...

Which reminds me, Saint, why isn't Iggy asking anything?

Neytiri: Maybe he wasn't there yet...

Me: Good point...

**Fang: What- -burps-**

**Saint: Blue!**

**Fang: Green!**

**Saint: You guys say colors yet?**

Me: No. Red.

Neytiri: -is confused-

Me: What color is my shirt?

Neytiri: Black...

Me: Heheh, now you have to make a sex noise...

**Fang: Is one of you gonna make a sex noise?**

Me: Neytiri is...

Neytiri: I will not!

Me: Fine, get Max to say a color...

**Saint: You realize we're waiting for the noise?**

Me: You do realize that Neytiri's not gonna do it, right?

Neytiri: Not at all.

**Fang: Does Fnick's Witnesses have confession, or are we just all going to Hell, anyway?**

Me: You only have to go to confession if you lie about going to confession in order to get out of going to confession. Like I did.

Neytiri: You're going to hell...

**Saint: What is the Fnick's Witnesses form of Hell?**

Me: -stares- SAINT! YOU FORGOT?

Neytiri: Burn in Jeb.

Me: EXACTLY! Holy Iggy, Mother of Justin...

**Fang: Do we have purgatory?**

Me: Fang, you're kinda the Great Fnick, it's up to you...

**Saint: If I start sending you lyrics to a Jimmy Buffett song, will it get stuck in your head?**

_**Fins to the left, Fins to the right...**_

**Fang: Saint, please...**

**Saint: Gah...**

Me: -dives for iPod-

Neytiri: -sings along to "Fins"-

**Fang: You realize we'll probably try some of those 101 Things To Do at the Mall, right?**

Me: You realize I already did?

**Saint: If we get arrested and sent to a prison in Florida, will you come visit?**

Me: Duh.

**Fang: Preferably with a nail file or something?**

**Saint: Or some mode of escape?**

Me: Double duh.

**Saint: Hm...What else to ask...**

**Have you ever used a spork inappropriately?**

Me: Is that even possible?

**Fang: How did you fit in a box with a mirror and a 2x4?**

Me: It could be a bigass box... Hmm, that was for Max, but I don't think that matters...

**Saint: What if you could save both Fang and Angel, but you had to sacrifice Matt?**

Me: Damn, we're gonna need Max, Neytiri...

Neytiri: So now what?

Me: Hmmm... -gets idea-

**Me, Max, and a Dog Kennel Proudly Presents...**

**HOW TO WASTE TIME UNITL MAX GETS BACK FROM AUSSIELAND IN 101 EASY STEPS**

Max: Hey, I'm back.

Me: Dammit.

Max: -reads question- Uh... Can I not save Angel and keep both Fang and Matt?

Me: -grins-

Max: Hey, I need a human sidekick...

**Fang: Have you realized we're now commenting on the other people's questions?**

Me: Yeppers peppers.

Max: ...Don't say that.

**Saint: What if Fromo tried to rape BOTH of you in your sleep with a rusty spork?**

Me: ...

Max: We'd BOTH brutally murder him.

**Fang: What if the Pillsbury Doughboy helped him rape both of you?**

Max: It'd be a double homicide.

Me: Nah, self defense...

**Saint: And you guys became pregnant with their children?**

Me: ...By "you guys," you mean Max and Neytiri, right? Because I lack the proper equipment to become pregnant...

Max: Nobody'd get pregnant...

**Fang: What would you name the children?**

Max: Nobody'd get pregnant...

Me: I wanna name my kid Ignatius... Then it's a legit religious name, AND I can call him Iggy!

Max: -facepalm-

**Saint: Who would be pregnant with who's kid?**

Max: Are you missing the "Nobody'd be pregnant" thing?

**Fang: And would you protect them from creepers like Iggy?**

Me: Don't call my future kid a creeper...

Max: -facepalm- That is gonna be used against you...

**Saint: Matt, why are you jealous of Iggy and Fang?**

Me: Oh, God, here it is...

Max: Oh, I thought I oughta tell you that I brought it up when I was helping Bell.

Me: Wait, so...

Max: -nodnod- Bell's reader's know about it now, too!

Me: -headdesks- Not... Jealous... Of anyone...

Max: Don't lie.

Me: Uh... Okay, I'm jealous that Bell can speedskate backwards... But that's about it...

**Fang: Or why aren't you?**

Me: I'm not jealous of Fang. Not at all. That came from an email...

_Me: Yeah, I take back the whole "good little mutant" thing... -glares at Max-_

_Max: -evil grin-_

_Me: I guess on the bright side, you didn't accuse me of being jealous of Fang... That could be taken a million different ways..._

So that's basically a load of crap. Now, Iggy.

I'm not jealous of Iggy.

Max: -begins filtering through laptop for proof-

Me: Max, finding proof that Bell is my friend doesn't make me jealous of Iggy...

Max: Sure it does...

**Saint: What would make you be jealous of them?**

Me: Thanks to Max, I'm apparently jealous of Iggy (Skits' Iggy) because he's dating Bell.

Max: You are jealous.

Me: And there's more bulls#$% in that accusation than in a cow pasture. I was never jealous of Fang... See above.

Max: Neytiri is doing it again...

Neytiri: -is gazing off into space, muttering in another language-

Me: -shrug-

**Fang: Max, did you ever have sanity to lose?**

Max: Yeah. Then I got captured.

Me: -grins-

**Saint: Or virginity?**

Max: ...Are you suggesting I slept with other fetuses?

Me: Watch out, don't let Jeb catch you in Iggy's test tube...

**Fang: What's that supposed to mean?**

Max: That I slept with other fetuses.

Me: Wait, is Iggy wearing a condom? Oh, crap... Now the fetus is pregnant... Who woulda thunk it...

**Saint: Hey, we don't know what else you were doing in those caves...Right?**

Max: -pretends not to know what Saint is talking about-

Me: -pretends to know what Saint is talking about-

Neytiri: -is gazing off into space, muttering in another language-

**Fang: Max, I'd give up my wings for you, too, you know that?**

Max: Yes, I do...

Me: -revs up chainsaw- You sure about that, Fnickles?

**Saint: Matt, do you feel like gagging at this disgusting display of Faxness? Because I do...**

Me: Nah, I feel like introducing a chainsaw into the equation... Come to Matt, Fnick... Let's see if you'll really give up your wings...

**Fang: How would our relationship work through a dog crate?**

**Saint: Well, you stick it between the bars...**

**Fang: Please, shut up, Saint...**

Me: No need to answer that one...

Max: Please shut up, Matt...

**Saint: Can I slap Matt? (Not to be taken sexually.)**

Me: No.

Max: Yes.

Neytiri: -is gazing off into space, muttering in another language-

**Fang: Can I take that sexually?**

**Saint: No.**

**Fang: Too late.**

Me: Once again, no need to answer...

**Saint: -sigh- Anyway, Max, do you think you could take Ginny Weasley out with a chainsaw?**

Max: Don't think. Know.

**Fang: Max, is it hard to sleep in a dog kennel? I couldn't sleep in one again, even after growing up in one...**

Max: At least Matt was considerate to get the right size, and get me some pillows...

**Saint: Matt, boxers or briefs?**

Me: Boxers.

**Fang: ...SAINT!**

**Saint: What?**

**Fang: You're seriously gonna ask that?**

**Saint: -nods- I have no shame...**

**Fang: Do you find that question awkward?**

Me: Obviously not.

**Saint: Fine. Max, boxers or briefs?**

Max: ...

Me: Please, please, please ask Neytiri... I want to see her response...

**Fang: -facepalm- Would either of you like me to whack her?**

Max: Me.

Me: Nope.

**Saint: Fromo, boxers. briefs, thongs, or commando?**

Fromo: Those really frilly panties from Vic-

Me: -cuts off- No.

Max: -throws Fromo out-

**Fang: -gags-**

**Saint: Who's your favorite stalker?**

Me: No comment.

Max: Ditto.

**Fang: And who's the scariest?**

Me: Again, no comment.

Max: Ditto, ditto.

**Saint: -cracks up-**

**Fang: Matt, you'd rather make out with me? Awkward...**

Me: -facepalm-

**Saint: Anyone else think this would make an epic fic?**

**Fang: NOO!**

**Saint: Mwahahahaha...**

Me: NEYTIRI! KNIFE! NOW!

Neytiri: -refuses-

**Fang: Well, at least you picked me over Justin Bieber, right?**

Me: At least I did. Max, on the other hand...

Max: -facepalm- I DIDN'T CHOOSE ANYONE!

**Saint: Max, do you do inappropriate things with the Fang Plushies?**

Max: No.

Me: She lies.

Max: I don't.

Me: With them.

Max: I don't.

Me: If you catch my drift.

Max: Neytiri, knife...

Neytiri: -refuses-

**Fang: Did you know I do not feel at all 'one' with my plushie selves?**

Max: What a concept...

**Saint: If Edward and Dylan had a baby, what would it look like?**

Me: ...

Max: ...

Neytiri: ...It would be sky person...

Max: -facepalm-

**Fang: Where the Hell do you think that question came from?**

Me: Wherever Saint gets this...

**Saint: Max, do you realize that your man is damn good at-**

**Fang: Did you know I just cut Saint's question off for a VERY good reason?**

Max: -headdesks repeatedly-

Me: -is roflmao-ing-

**Saint: If Fang were a woman, would you still love her?**

**Fang: ...**

Max: -more headdesks-

Me: -is laughing even harder-

**Saint: Matt, if Fang were female, would you make out with her?**

Max: Neytiri. -headdesk- Give. -headdesk- Me. -headdesk- The. -headdesk. Knife. -headdesk-

Me: -is gasping for air- Yes. -keeps laughing-

**Fang: Ok, are these questions getting awkward, or is it just me?**

Max: They are definitely getting awkward...

**Saint: How do you think oral sex was invented?**

Max: NEYTIRI! GIVE ME THE FNICKDAMN KNIFE!

Me: -is barely breathing-

**Fang: Do you think it's time for Saint to go to bed before she asks more awkward questions?**

Max: PLEASE.

Me: -laughing too hard to answer-

**Saint: Would you love Fang if he painted himself blue?**

Max: KNIFE!

Neytiri: -is offended-

Me: -still can't stop laughing-

**Fang: Does our anonymity bother anyone?**

Max: No, not really...

Me: -is recovering-

**Saint: Hey...If we got together just so Fang and Max could go all kissy-face on each other, what the Hell would we do for fun? Sit and watch them? Throw stuff at them? Leave them and go to Margaritaville?**

Me: Throw s#$% at 'em.

Max: -whacks-

**Fang: Lear and Fromo, what about Cobra Starship's 'I Kissed a Boy'?**

Max: I just threw Fromo out... Lear too...

**Saint: I JUST SAW A MONTY PYTHON REFERENCE! How many Monty Python-related things have you all seen?**

Max: Holy Grail, Life of Brian, Spamalot, and some various skits.

Me: NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

**Fang: Ever seen 'Meaning of Life'? Porno...**

Max: -is glad she hasn't-

Me: -goes to rent-

**Saint: Ever watch Lord of the Rings?**

Me: Who hasn't?

**Fang: You realize that, if you bring up LOTR around Saint, she'll never shut up?**

Max: Fang, this is Saint. She never shuts up.

**Saint: Which Max do you think is the "real" Max?**

Max: Me.

Me: Mine.

Neytiri: There is more than one Max'mum?

Max: -sigh-

**Fang: What about the "real" Iggy?**

Me: I think Oggy... Just because he seems the most Iggy-like...

Max: That made no sense.

**Saint: Are you sick of the blue waffles thing?**

Me: No, not really.

Max: Yes.

Neytiri: I saw that, it looked normal...

Me: -stares-

Max: -backs away slowly-

**Fang: There's a girl who thinks she's my sister?**

Me: I guess so...

**Saint: And mine?**

Me: -shrug-

**Fang: What musicals do you guys like?**

Me: Ones we like...

**Saint: Ever heard of Wicked? The books were better...**

Me: Never seen or read it, but I know what it is...

**Fang: Er...N-Person...Jake?**

Me: Oh, f#$%...

Neytiri: Jake? Myjake?

Max: -facepalm-

Neytiri: -runs around, yelling "Jake!"-

Max: Just... Like... -sigh- Her... Uh...

Me: Mate.

Max: Yeah, that.

Me: Like how Dylan is supposed to be your ma-

Max: SHUT IT.

**Saint: Ok, we're done...Bedtime!**

Max: Thank God...

Me: -shrug-

**Fang: 'Night!**

**Saint: 'Night!**

**-Saint and Fang**

Me: 'Night!

Max: 'Night!

Neytiri: Jake?

Me: -facepalm-

* * *

**Max: -yawn- It's 3 AM... Must... Post...**

**-yawn- I haven't done an A/N with Matt for a while... -shrug- Hell, I just did one with Bell... TAE Bloopers. There you go, another plug.**

**Uh... What else...**

**Oh, and when you review, please please please comment on the Matt jealous of Iggy for having Bell/ Bell jealous of me for having Matt thing. It'll drive them both crazy...**

**Like I said, I love my job... The Amazing Max strikes back...**

**Oh yeah, Matt got pressured into a Twitter... Check it out for update info.**

**-yawn- Gotta go update _Losing Lissa_ for him now... See ya, peeps.**

**_Thanks for reading! -Max_**


	26. Beware of New Joisey

**Me: Well, I'm bored.**

**Max: Go figure.**

**Me: Well, Saint went to bed because she thought I got off Skype, when I was just in the bathroom...**

**Max: TMI...**

**Me: And now that she's gone, there's nobody left to re-add me to the group conversation, which I left for no good reason.**

**Max: Well planned.**

**Me: Hey, Kara's on!**

**Max: Speak of the devil...**

**

* * *

**

Me: Well, keeping in what is quickly (and unfortunately) becoming a new MM&aDK tradition, Kara (from FlockUpdates) followed up Saint's Q&A Extravaganza with one of her own.

Max: Whoa whoa whoa, these were anonymous! Don't assume anything!

Me: Max, they were submitted right after Kara finished reviewing every chapter of this story. Plus these exactly what Kara would ask. And the spelling sucks. It's Kara.

Max: Just watch, it's someone else...

Me: I know my Joisians pretty well, Max. It ish Barbie.

Max: Whatever. You have the questions?

Me: Yeah. -holds up sheet of paper- Where's 'Tiri?

Max: Watching Avatar for the 9th time...

Me: We should not have bought that... But anyway. Questions.

**Do you think Saint is really a forty year old man?**

Max: Yeah, she is.

Me: It's debatable. She's not a forty year old woman, that's for sure.

**Did you know Fang pissed in the Atlantic OceN? Several Times?**

Max: I somehow doubt that...

Me: -shrug- I don't care, I don't swim in it that often.

**What are your thoughts on this?**

Me: Hmm... You can rearrange the letters into "S#$%"...

Max: -facepalm- I don't think she meant "thoughts on 'this'?".

Me: This is Kara. Exept speeling an grammer misstakes.

**If i shoved you in a toaster, what would you do?**

Max: Get out.

Me: No thank you. This is my house.

Max: We need to stop doing these at 1 am. Your attempts at humor fail too miserably...

**If i covered you in bacon, would you just eat it?**

Max: Oh, hells yeah.

Me: Nope. I don't like bacon.

Max: -stares- You WHAT?

**What if it wasnt cooked?**

Me: Cooked, uncooked, I don't like bacon.

Max: B-B-B-But... It's BACON!

**What if it was cooked with a hair straightner?**

Me: Again, bacon me no likey.

Max: BACON! HOW DO YOU NOT LIKE BACON!

**What if i covered you in bacon and made Max eat it?**

Max: I'd resist like hell.

Me: I wouldn't care, unless she wasn't careful and bit something off...

Max: ...

Me: Yeah...

Max: ...

Me: Heh, I broke Max... Now when the world ends, we all die...

**What if it was Mac and Cheese insted?**

Me: I don't like Mac and Cheese either.

Max: What? Are you even HUMAN?

Neytiri: No.

Max: Wasn't talking to you...

Me: You're not human either, Max.

Max: ... -sigh- I give up.

**If I stole Max, would you get mad?**

Me: Yes.

Max: Yes.

Neytiri: NO! THAT CAME BEFORE JAKE GOT HIS IKRAN!

Max: 'TIRI, IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE F#$% UP, I WILL PERSONALLY KILL EVERY IKRAN IN THE UNIVERSE!

Neytiri: ...Bitch.

Me: -cracks up- Poor pterodactyls...

**If i threw a snowball at you, would you know what it was?**

Me: No. What's a snowball?

Max: He'd think it was a ball of jizz.

Me: -shrug-

Neytiri: What's jizz?

Max: -facepalm-

**What if it had bacon bits?**

Me: The jizzball?

Max: -facepalm-

Me: Hmm... I'm gonna go try to make a jizzball... I don't think it's possible. -leaves-

Max: -stares-

**Can you guess what I'm eating right now?**

Max: A jizzball with bacon bits?

**How long would you survive in an igloo?**

Max: I don't know.

Me: -comes back- It didn't work.

Max: Nice...

Me: What's an igloo?

**What if it was made of bacon?**

Max: I'd eat the bacon and freeze to death.

Me: Ew... Bacon? Cold? -shudders- Sounds like hell to me.

**What if the igloo was made of bacon and Max was rolling around naked, in** **ketchup, inside of it?**

Max: -stares-

Me: Oh, well in that case...

Max: -whacks-

**What if i ran out of questions to ask you?**

Max: I'd be happy.

Me: I'd go to bed.

Neytiri: I'd keep watching this movie.

Max: NEYTIRI. STOP WATCHING IT. YOU WERE THERE. -sigh- -goes back to reading MAX-

**Do you know who I am?**

Max: No we don't, Kara.

Me: You know what, I give up. I'm going to bed, we'll finish this tomorrow...

Max: -shrugs- I'm cool with that.

**Do you feel odd living on an innapropraitly shaped penisulua?**

Me: Okay, back.

Max: It's raining...

Me: Sunshine State, my ass.

Max: ... It just stopped...

Me: That's the inappropriately shaped peninsula for you.

Max: It'd be a lot worse if southern Louisiana was round... Ball-shaped...

Me: Good point...

**Did you know i cant spell peninsual?**

Me: Kara, you can't spell, period.

Max: She proably can't slepp period either.

Me: See, Kara? You're making Max spell badly.

Max: Damit! -sigh- I'm gona go do something smartish...

**Can you?**

Me: Peninsula. P-E-N-I-N (It'd be weird if that was an S, huh?) - S-U-L-A.

**Has Max ever attacked you with a spoon?**

Me: No.

**Fork?**

Me: Nope.

**Spork?**

Me: -headshake-

**Straw?**

Me: Nuh-uh.

**Stroon?**

Me: No.

Neytiri: You already said that...

Me: No, this time I said it in Spanish.

**Do you like grapes?**

Me: Ones that aren't all bruised and such.

**Cheese?**

Me: To a point. Too much makes me sick.

**Grapes AND cheese together? Aka Chrapes?**

Me: Never had it, wouldn't know.

**Did you know i'm watching you right now?**

Me: Huh. What am I doing, then?

Max: Back.

Me: Good timing. This next question...

**Does Max watch you in the shower, Matt?**

Me: Totally. You should see the lust on her face. She doesn't think I can see her, so she-

Max: LIES!

Me: -cracks up- Yeah, they are lies... -shrug-

**Does Matt watch you in shower, Max?**

Max: He'd better not.

Me: Little explanation, the way our bathroom is set up, the only way to watch someone is if you're in there with them.

Max: Yep.

Me: So we only watch each other on weekends.

Max: LIES! -whacks-

Me: -cracks up-

**Do you take your Fang plushies with you in the shower?**

Max: -sigh- No. No, no, no.

**Do you piss in Fangs bathtub, Max?**

Max: Fang has a bathtub?

Me: Fang has... uh... Damn, I can't think of anything insulting...

**You should. Will you?**

Max: Again, does he even have a bathtub?

Me: Kara, I don't know if it's possible for someone to piss while being f#$%ed senseless. What else would Max and Fang be doing in the bathtub?

Max: Thought of something, huh?

Me: -nods-

Max: -whacks-

**Does Fang take bubble baths?**

Me: Shouldn't you ask Saint that?

Max: Only with black bubbles. I think he believes the normal pink ones'll make him gay...

Me: Well, he's already bi...

**Do you?**

Max: Am I "you?"

Me: I think so. How about we both answer?

Max: Okay. No. Only showers.

Me: Ditto.

**Do you and Fang take bubble baths together?**

Me: I'm hoping you're "you?"...

Max: Kara, that's a no for both of us. How can we take bubble baths with Fang if we don't take bubble baths?

**Do you and Matt take them together?**

Me: I knew you were "you?"...

Max: -facepalm- Same comment as last time.

Me: Yeah, we only take showers together. There are so many more positions that involve standing up.

Max: -sigh- -headdesks-

**Do Matt and Fromo take bubble baths together?**

Max: -cracks up-

Me: No. Nononono. And, once again... -points to earlier answer regarding bubble baths-

**Do Fromo and Lear take bubble baths together?**

Me: I wouldn't know, nor do I want to.

Max: Gah... Mental images...

**Do you piss in Fangs BUBBLE bath?**

Me: This is still to you, Max.

Max: -sigh- Kara, I **A)** Don't piss in Fang's bath, and **B)** Don't take bubble baths.

**Do you know what time i started this at?**

Me: -goes to email- Damn, my email screwed up on that day. I don't know.

**Do you know that i'm just finishing these questions 7 hours later?**

Me: Now I do.

Max: Are these still meant for me?

**Do you find it creepy that i'm reading you at 2AM?**

Me: How are you reading me? -starts looking for words on his body somewhere-

Max: -facepalm-

**Does this 'Sara' girl have a criminal background?**

Me: Nope.

Max: Probably.

Neytiri: -yawns-

Max: STOP WATCHING THAT MOVIE! Damn...

**Do you think Saint has a criminal background?**

Me: Nah...

Max: Yeah, she does! Kidnapping!

Me: Good point...

**M.G?**

Me: -cracks up-

Max: -ditto-

Me: Why are you even asking? It's common knowledge, eh?

Max: Eh eh eh?

Me: Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh?

Max: And just in case she doesn't have one yet, murder counts. And there's gonna be one soon...

**Skits?**

Me: -heashake-

Max: Agreement.

**V?**

Me: Nope.

Max: Don't know her well enough to judge.

**Bell?**

Me: -laughs- Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Max: -coughJealouscough-

Me: -whacks-

**Rain?**

Me: Nuh-uh.

Max: I say same.

**Kara?**

Me: -laughs- Really? She's a Joisian. Joisey = Criminal past.

Max: Just passing through over winter break creeped me out...

**Iggy?**

Me: Max?

Max: Oh, yeah, he definitely does.

**Oggy?**

Max: ...They have the same background...

**How many times has max blow. Up your kitchen?**

Me: I don't own a kitchen...

Max: -eyeroll- You know what she means.

Me: Okay, okay... No, she's never blown up the kitchen.

Max: -grins-

Me: Now, the microwave is a completely different scenario...

**How many times have you gotten sock of her cooking?**

Max: Kara, spellcheck was invented just for you.

Me: Max doesn't cook. I'm not an idiot.

**Boxers or Briefs?**

Me: Boxers.

Max: Various styles of women's underwear.

Neytiri: Loincloth.

Max: -facepalm- You didn't have to say that...

**If Dora stuffed you in her backpack, what would you find in there?**

Max: Holy crap! -dives for cover-

Me: -winces- Damn... That was close...

Max: -shudders- I don't like thunderstorms...

Me: ... Yeah, this one's bad... As much as I hate to say it, we need to be safe and get off the computer. -sigh-

Max: Finish tomorrow... Again?

Me: Yep.

**If you had a head shaped like Doras, what would you do?**

Me: Okay, it's nice today. Should we answer the last question?

Max: Nah.

Me: Alright. How about this one?

Max: ...No.

Me: Okay, moving on.

**Do Doras parents really hate her?**

Max: Can we skip this one too?

Me: No...

Max: How are we supposed to answer?

Me: -shrug- -plays air guitar along to Anberlin-

**Does your spanis teacher assign "Watching Dora the Explorer" has homework?**

Max: Dude, why...? Air guitar?

Me: I like this song.

Max: Still, that doesn't justify the air guitar.

Me: But this is BillyBob!

Max: ...What?

Me: BillyBob the Air Guitar! Say hi, BillyBob!

Max: ...What the f#$% is wrong with you?

**If she did, would you watch it?**

Me: I just realized something, Max. Ever since Fang ditched, you haven't had a bestest friend. So...

Max: I have a bad feeling about this...

Me: BillyBob's gonna be your new bestest friend! Isn't that right, BillyBob?

Max: I totally called that...

Me: What was that BillyBob? You don't want to be Max's bestest friend?

Max: ... I'm lost...

Me: Who would want to be Max's bestest friend? Hmm... You've got a point there, BillyBob.

Max: ...Did I just get insulted by an imaginary talking guitar?

**Have i run iut of questions?**

Max: Yes? Please?

Me: What do you think, BillyBob?

Max: -facepalm-

Me: You think Max is an evil, cold-hearted douche-nozzle?

Max: Dude, if you think you can insult me by pretending to talk to an invisible guitar...

Me: I'm gonna have to agree with you on that one, BillyBob. She _is_ a douche-nozzle.

Max: -facepalm-

**Have you figured out who i am?**

Max: No, we haven't, Kara.

Me: What was that, BillyBob? Max is a-

Max: Just shut up, please...

**Are you tired?**

Me: Actually, yes. Which isn't good since I really need to talk to -, but she won't be on for over an hour... -sigh-

Max: -yawns- I'm always tired. It's the genetic-engineering thing.

**Does Max take long showers?**

Me: No, not really.

Max: -smiles-

Me: Unless she's washing her hair.

Max: -frowns-

Me: Or worse, her feathers.

Max: -glares-

**Do you yell at her?**

Me: No. She yells at me, though.

**Alot?**

Me: Yes, I don't yell at her a lot. -eyeroll-

**Does she yell at you?**

Me: ... -sigh- I need to read ahead before answering...

**Does she ever sleep in your bed?**

Me: Yes.

Max: NO I DON'T!

Me: Mmhmm. Right. You mean you're not in my bed when I go to bed or get up.

Max: What are you talking about?

Me: You fake sleep until I'm asleep, then join me, and get up before I do so you can return to your kennel.

Max: Pffft... That's... Preposterous...

Me: Explain the socks and feathers I keep finding in my blanket.

Max: Heheh...

Me: And I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, you know...

Max: ...NEXT QUESTION!

**Do you two have a sexual relanship?**

Max: NO!

Me: Yesh. -grins-

Max: -whacks- NO!

Me: -laughs evilly-

**Does fang know about it?**

Me: Saint does. Whether she told her husband or not, I dunno.

Max: -whacks- THAT MARRIAGE WAS ILLEGITIMATE!

Me: Mhm, right. Whatever you say. Because you're the almighty world-saver who's too lazy to make herself a sandwich.

Max: ...Screw you.

**Is fang involved in it?**

Max: In what? There's nothing to be involved in.

Me: Pfft, of course not. He's too busy being dominated by Saint.

Max: ...Saint the Dominatrix... Oh, damn, mental images... -cringes-

Me: -cracks up-

**Is iggy?**

Me: Which one?

Max: -facepalm- I give up...

**

* * *

**

**Max: It took three days to write and it still sucks. Nice one.**

**Me: Max, you think _everything_ I write sucks.**

**Max: Because it does.**

**Me: -facepalm- Whatever you say, almighty world-saver.**

**Max: -yawns- I'mma going to bed now.**

**Me: Heh, I would too, but I feel like reading some FanFics. After three days of writing...**

**Max: Suit yourself.**

**Me: Here, you can take BillyBob with you.**

**Max: -facepalm-**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max_**


	27. Kinda Live from Disney World

**Me: We're gonna pretend we're still at Disney World, sitting on the hotel balcony, listening to Boys Like Girls perform Grad Nite.**

**Max: Why?**

**Me: Be**

**

* * *

**

**Me: -is not happy-**

**Max: Hey, it's your fault you were up late and your mom kicked you off the computer.**

**Me: Since when is 11 late?**

**Max: Since always.**

**Me: It's not my fault I'm nocturnal... At least I was able to save it before she pulled the plug.**

**Max: -nods-**

**Me: Okay, we've got things to talk about after the chapter, so let's get it over with...**

**

* * *

**

Me: LIVE FROM THE EPCOT CENTER AT WALT DISNEY WORLD IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA, IT'S-

Max: Nobody gives a s#$%.

Me: -eyeroll- Well, we're here on a pointless and random vacation. So I figured we oughta answer _Skits_' questions.

Max: WILL YOU PEOPLES STOP FREAKING ASKING US QUESTIONS? I mean, one of two questions are fine, but this is the THIRD TIME IN A ROW we've had to set special time aside...

Me: Shut up. This way I don't have to set aside time for us to do things that people will be willing to read.

Neytiri: Why can't we go on Mission: Space?

Max: Because you're over the MAXIMUM height requirement, 'Tiri.

Me: Besides, Maximum Ride on a ride? That just sounds kinky.

Max: -whacks- We have to do SOMETHING.

Me: -points to board-thing- Fastpasses are all gone. And there's at least an hour wait for anything good.

Max: -sighs-

Me: So... We've got questions from Skits.

Max: Brilliant.

Me: Hey, she organized it nicely. The first section is for me...

**You said you don't take bubble baths, but do you take bubble _showers_?**

Me: ...Wait, what?

Max: There's a 5-minute wait for Living With The Land!

Me: Max, that's It's A Small World for hippies.

Max: ...Oh.

**Do you take them with Max?**

Me: Hang on, can you even take a bubble shower?

Max: Can we ride It's A Hippie World anyway?

**Have ever given Max a blue waffle?**

Me: -shrug- Max, drop your pants, let's see.

Max: -facepalm- Whay, you expect me to get naked in freaking DISNEY WORLD?

Me: Yes.

Max: -eyeroll-

**Would you give Christin and Kaitlyn a blue waffle? They're being mean to me...**

Me: Yep. It's a win-win situation.

Max: How so?

Me: ...Because I said so.

**Is Billybob involved in your sexual relationship with Max?**

Max: Yes, because an AIR GUITAR can be used in sex.

Me: Double penetration.

Max: -facepalms-

**Is Max kinky?**

Max: -gags on drink-

Me: -cracks up-

Random Fangirl Leader: ZOMG! IT'S NEYTIRI!

Random Fangirl Chorus: ZOMG! HI! CAN WE HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? HOW ABOUT A PICTURE? HOW ABOUT ANOTHER ONE?

Max: -facepalm-

Me: Hey, she's a movie star.

Max: -eyeroll-

**Spit or swallow?**

Max: -gags again-

Me: -cracks up- How about that, Skits? She can't even handle it. She chokes under pressure! Geddit, _chokes?_

Max: -whacks with map-

**Max, same for you.**

Me: Wait, then how...

Max: I give up. I mea- -facepalm- Really, 'Tiri? Really?

Neytiri: -signs autograph- -poses for picture- -signals for next person in line to come forward-

**Moving from perversion, did you know it rained here today?**

Me: We do now.

Max: Can you get the blue one to stop being an attention-whore?

Me: So you can go back to being the attention-whore? No thanks.

**Did you know I got wet?**

Me: That tends to happen when it rains.

Max: -nods-

**Did you take that sexually?**  
**I bet you did.**

Me: Actually, I didn't, until now.

Max: -shrug- -glares at Neytiri-

**Did you know that I'm sitting in the floor?**

Me: Nope.

Max: But we do now.

**Are you stalking me?**

Me: Nope.

Max: Heheh... Maybe...

**Do you hate me?**

Me: Nope.

Max: -headshake-

**Do you dislike me?**

Me: -headshake-

Max: Nope.

**Do you think I'm strange?**

Me: Pfft, yeah. I think everyone's strange.

Max: That's because _you're_ strange.

**Do you think I'm odd?**

Me: Yep. Same reason.

Max: Same taunt.

Me: Max, you're not quite as annoyingly creative today.

Max: I'm too busy being pissed at the blue one to think.

Me: ...MAX IS JEALOUS!

Max: ... -facepalm- You bastard.

Me: -cracks up-

**Do you lovest me?**

Me: -nodnod-

**Do you lovest Bell?**

Me: -nodnod-

Max: -coughJEALOUScough-

Me: Am not.

Max: Are too.

Me: Am not.

Max: Are too.

Me: Unless I'm mistaken, she and Iggy broke up. There's nobody for me to be jealous of.

Max: ...Damn.

Me: -grins- I win.

**Do you lovest Mumsie(AKA Saint)?**

Me: -nodnod-

**Do you lovest Kara?**

Me: -nodnod-

**Do you lovest M.G?**

Me: -nodnod, eh-

Max: Eh?

Me: Eh eh eh.

Max: Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh?

Me: Eh eh eh eh eh.

Max: Eh _eh _eh eh? Eh _eh-eh?_

Me: Eh'eh, eh _eh_ eh, eh eh-eh, eh eheheh, eh.

Max: Eh, eh eh... We are so dead.

Me: We sure are, eh?

**Do you...-looks up- So...many...red...squigglies...**

Me: That's it, time to get out of here. 'TIRI! We're on the move.

Neytiri: -eyeroll- -abandons loyal fanbase-

Max: Where to, Human?

Me: -points to "countries"- Mexico!

Max: Ay caramba...

**Did you know 'lovest' is not a real word according to Firefox?**

Me: No. Pues, mi iPod dice que "loooooooooooovests" es una palabra.

Max: Dude, just because we're in "Mexico" doesn't mean you have to speak Spanish.

Me: -shrug- No. Well, my ipod says that "loooooooooooovests" is a word.

Max: Do I want to know why you were using "loooooooooooovests"?

Me: No, not really.

Neytiri: Tsun ayoeng txìng?

Max: Lu fnu, Neytiri.

Me: -facepalm- No Na'vi. Just... No.

Max: Fine. No, we can't leave, so shut up.

Neytiri: -eyeroll-

Me: Actually, we can. Let's move.

Max: But I'm not done with my burrito!

Me: This is Florida, Max. You can get Mexican food anywhere.

**Did you know you were wrong about my criminal background?**

Me: No.

Max: Ni hao... Uh... Can we leave "China?" I don't know any more Chinese...

**Did you believe that last statement?**

Me: Not really.

Max: -yawns- Can we go on a ride already?

**What's your favourite cheese?**

Me: Find one with less than an hour wait, sure.

Max: ...-sigh- Do you think the crowds will disperse around midnight?

Me: Yep. Let's plan to hit Test Track...

Max: Nah, that'll probably screw up Neytiri somehow.

Me: Good point.

Neytiri: -is signing autographs-

**What's your favourite movie? (To all three of you and Avatar does not count...)**

Me: Well, that's no fair.

Max: Yeah...

Neytiri: It's the only movie I've ever seen...

Max: -eyeroll-

Me: Uh... Caddyshack.

Max: I'm gonna go with that movie with that one actor in it.

Me: Way to be specific.

**Do you screw Fromo on the weekends without telling anyone?**

Me: ...

Max: What, you don't know?

Me: No, I'm trying to think of a word that's "no"er than "no."

**Okay, now to question Max senseless...**

Max: Oh joy.

**Have you and Matt gone on your honeymoon yet? Damien and I haven't...**

Max: -facepalm-

Me: -ignores-

Neytiri: -signs autographs-

**I just burped, red, so now you have to make a sex noise. Ha!**

Max: That's not a question, ha!

Me: No comment.

**Though I'm sure you have plenty of experience with that, don't you?**

Max: ...

Me: Yep, she sure does.

Max: -whacks-

Me: Go treat that blue waffle of yours...

Max: -whacks repeatedly-

**Do you like pizza?**

Max: Yes. That was random.

**What would you do if you walked into Matt's room and he was laying on the bed, naked, and covered in pizza sauce, cheese, and pepperonis and other various pizza toppings?**

Max: I knew there was a catch.

Me: -cracks up- I've gotta try that...

**Have you ever walked in on Matt doing...unmentionable things?**

Max: Nah.

Me: -grins-

Max: Define "unmentionable."

Me: -eyeroll-

**Has anyone ever walked in on you and Matt doing unmentionable things?**

Max: Again, define "Unmentionable."

Me: We're Amish now. Unmentionable = using technology.

Max: Then yes, constantly.

**Have you ever walked in on Fromo and Lear?**

Max: Yes. Now, have I ever walked in on them doing "unmentionable things"...

...

...

...

Matt, did you get that word that's "no"er than "no?"

**Did you know that you're in love with Justin Bieber?**

Max: One, I am NOT in love with Dylan.

Me: Yeah, that makes it sound like she's already dating him. Book 7 isn't out yet.

Max: -whacks- And two, he is NOT Justin Bieber.

Me: He is, actually.

**Do you have "Bieber fever"?**  
**I don't.**

Max: If "Bieber Fever" is a disease that causes your ears to bleed when you listen to his music, then yes, I do.

Me: Ditto.

**Are you cold? I am.**

Max: It's up in the 90's. I'm hot.

Me: It's in the 90's. This is comfy.

Neytiri: It's in the 90's. This is pretty nice. Could be warmer.

Max: -facepalm- Are we done now?

Me: Yeah, technically... BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Max: You've gotta be kidding me...

Me: Well, Saint sent in even _more_ questions...

Max: Dear God, no...

Me: Don't worry, it's only a few. I thought that, due to our location, we oughta answer them now.

Max: What does Disney World have to do with Saint?

Me: More specific.

Max: ...Okay... What does Cana... OH. Got it.

Me: -nods-

**Questions for BillyBob!**

Max: -facepalm-**  
**  
**How does it feel to be an air guitar?**

Me: Well, BillyBob?

Max: -eyeroll-

Me: Good point. How would you know what it feels like to be an air guitar? You don't know what being anything else feels like... Or do you?

Max: -groans- Please stop this...

**What do you think of Max?**

Me: What _do_ you think, BillyBob?

Max: Will. You. Quit. It. With. The. Fnicking. Air. Guitar.

Me: You've never met a bigger bitch in your life?

Max: That's it. I give up.

**Of Matt?**

Me: Why, thank you, BillyBob! I think you're freaking awesome too!

Max: That's it, I'm gonna go harass Neytiri's fan club...

**Of Tiri?**

Me: Well, yeah, I guess she can be clueless... But yeah, generally cool, I agree.

Neytiri: -grins-

**Of Saint?**

Me: Crazy pedo 40-year-old man? That's debatable...

**Of Fang?**

Me: Of course he's a total dick for abandoning the Flock. And yeah, we've already established that he's Max's emo angel...

Max: -whacks-

**Can you play any Bon Jovi songs?**

Me: -plays "Living On A Prayer"- Yep.

**Jimmy Buffett?**

Me: -plays "Cheeseburger In Paradise"- Yep.**  
**  
**What's your favorite song?**

Me: -plays "F#$% A Dog"- Duh.

**A Question for Max!**

Max: Oh God, no...

**Did you know Matt's afraid of you becoming a Dominatrix?**

Max: ...Hey, that's a good idea...

Me: -runs for life-

**A Question for Matt!**

Me: This is why I wanted to do this...

**Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh** **eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh** **eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh** **eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh** **eh eh eh eh eh eh ?**

Max: -cracks up-

Me: Eh eh eh!

Max: Eh eh eh eh eh eh!

Me: Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh!

Max: Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh!

Me: Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh HI MG! eh eh eh!

Max: Eh?

Me: Eh.

Neytiri: You guys have a death wish, eh?

* * *

**Me: Alright. There you go.**

**Max: Now, what was it that you had to say?**

**Me: Well, one, I have more ideas than I can keep track of.**

**Max: -nods in agreement- I've seen your list...**

**Me: Two, I have lots of other things I want to do besides write FanFiction...**

**Max: -gasp- NO!**

**Me: -whacks- And three... The next few weeks of school... Heh, we're ending the year by taking a tour of hell.**

**Max: You can say that again...**

**Me: So yeah, the first two are completely irrelevant, really. The tour of hell's the big problem.**

**Max: Aaaaaaaaaaand...?**

**Me: There aren't gonna be any updates of anything until after school's out. The last day is the 24th. So 20 days minimum until I'll be writing again.**

**Max: Aw...**

**Me: And I plan on writing as much as possible before updating, so I'd say more like early June. Of course, that's an early June with a lot of updates. But still.**

**Max: Aw...**

**Me: Max, since when do you care?**

**Max: I really don't.**

**Me: -eyeroll-**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max_**


	28. Q & A Part 9

**Max: QUICK! BEFORE THEY ASK MORE QUESTIONS!**

**Me: BUT THEY'VE ASKED SO MANY! I'LL HAVE TO SPLIT THIS INTO TWO CHAPTERS!**

**Max: JUST DO IT SO WE CAN GET BACK TO OTHER STUFF!**

**Me: OKAY! AND THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!**

**Max: -facepalm-**

**Me: Hey, I thought my Shift key was stuck. Huh.**

**

* * *

**

Me: Okay. Let's get this over with, shall we?

Max: That's what she said.

Me: -eyeroll- Thanks for that, Max. I really needed that.

Max: That's what she said.

Me: …...I'm gonna pretend that didn't happen…

Max: That's what she said.

Me: ….Okay, you wanna answer these yourself?

Max: Oh, HELL no.

Me: That's what she said.

Max: -facepalm-

Me: Okay! From Caris L _(Not Claris, sorry, Caris L… Yeah, mixed me up.)_ Clearwater and her OCs Violetta and Jenna:

**Violetta: Hey! What's up?**

Max: (with extreme sarcasm) The economy.

Me: -eyeroll- That was cold.

Max: Like Canada, eh?

Me: Eh?

Max: Eh.

Me: Eh eh eh eh e- What are we doing?

Max: Right, questions, eh?

Me: Eh.

**Caris: Okay, girls, take it away.**

**Vi: Hm...Well, I've always wondered...if Jeb is hell, then what's heaven? Dr. Martinez?**

**Caris: Or is it Fang?**

**Vi: No, the religion is called 'Fnick's Witnesses,' or some other crap like that. It doesn't make any sense for a Fnick's Witnesses to name their heaven Fang.**

**Caris: Vi? Shut it.**

**Vi: -glares-**

Me: That is a very good question. In fact, heaven for Fnick's Witnesses is the Chinese afterlife. You can't get enough of those wontons.

Max: Not that it matters, since we're all going to Jeb when I fail to save the world because I'm stuck in Florida.

Me: Not that it matters that it doesn't matter. Even if you end up in Jeb, you can order takeout.

**Jenna: Get on with this already...**

**Vi: Jenna! You spoke! -hugs Jenna-**

**Caris: Can we get on with this, please?**

**Vi: Fine. Um...if Neytiri had the option of moving in with Vera or Saint, would she?**

**Caris: It's probably even crazier at Vera's…**

Neytiri: Sehnt.

Me: Because V hated Avatar, while Saint loved it and you're her hero, right, 'Tiri, eh?

Neytiri: Eh.

Max: The question isn't a multiple choice, it's a yes or no…

Me: -rereads- Good point. Neytiri?

Neytiri: No. It's too cold in New England.

Me: -grins-

**Vi: -ignores- And, for Max: If you get pregnant with Matt's illegitimate child/children, what would their names be? You must answer for both boys and girls.**

**Caris: I hardly think that Max is going to get pregnant...**

Max: You're damn right, Caris.

Me: Because I'm not dumb. I wear a condom.

Max: -whacks-

Me: Anyway, names.

Max: Ida Ho and Hugh Jass.

Me: -eyeroll-

Neytiri: Ooh, Hu'jas. I like that name. -tries to write down- -remembers Na'vi have no written language- -repeats so she'll remember-

**Vi: And, furthermore, I must know, where did you have your honeymoon? I mean, you had a wedding, why not a honeymoon? Was it in a condo on the beach? Or somewhere romantic, like Paris?**

Max: -facepalm- No honeymoon, because I'm still in denial…

Neytiri: Hey! I didn't get a honeymoon! I got my home blown up!

Max: Nice wedding present...

**Caris: -and even if she does, I think she'd rather get an abortion than deal with...Wait. When did we switch to HONEYMOONS?**

Me: Just then.

Max: You really oughta pay attention, Claris.

Me: It's Caris.

Max: Whatever.

**Vi: -still ignoring- I mean, Paris is great and all, but maybe you'd prefer somewhere new, considering you've already been, Max. Oh. Maybe Australia?**

**Jenna: You moron, that trip got canceled…**

Me: -sulks-

Max: Way to bring that up… Hey look, it leaves in a week...

Me: Well, you're really helping...

**Vi: -still blatantly ignoring- And, once you're done with the honeymoon, how are you going to tell your parents? Honestly, you're too young to be getting married. Still, it would be kind of funny if you both walked up to Matt's parents and said, "Hey, Mrs. X (don't know your last name) guess what? Your son and I got married on Skype last night! Just call me daughter-dearest!"**

**Caris: -facepalm-**

Max: Ditto, Claris.

Me: CARIS.

Max: WHATEVER.

**Vi: And then they'd be all, "WTF?" And then you'd have to explain about the wedding...and the drunken after party...How would that go?**

Max: I guess we could just blame Iggy.

Me: Or the Canadians.

Max: Eh?

Me: Eh.

Caris: Jenna? Do we have any hope of shutting her up?

**Jenna: -shakes head sadly-**

Max: You'd better find a way… Or else I'll…. I'll…

Me: Stutter at them? Ooh, scary.

**Vi: So, anyway, I'm getting off track here. I'm supposed to be doing something...oh, yeah, asking you all random crap! So, Max, what would you like for a wedding present? And, please, don't say a divorce.**

Max: Besides a divorce? How about a restraining order?

**Vi: And what about you, Matt?**

**Caris: I highly doubt he wants a present for a wedding he can't remember.**

Me: …..I got married?

Max: -eyeroll-

**Vi: -STILL ignoring- Oh, and are you planning on having a wedding for Fromo and Lear? And, if so, who'd be the groom and who'd be the bride? Would Vera be the priestess again? Would that technically be considered incest since they're, y'know, cousins?**

Me: …

Max: …

Me: …

Max: …

Neytiri: I think you broke them...

**Vi: And when would said wedding take place? June or December? I've always liked winter better, but, hey, everyone has a preference! Hey, this reminds me of a random question for all present: Would you rather freeze to death or die in a blazing fire?**

Me: -is still broken-

Max: -ditto-

Neytiri: -is confused- What is this "freeze to death?"

**Caris: -desperately- Jenna, is there any duct tape left?**

**Vi: I think I'd rather freeze to death. Dunno, though...Hmm...Oh! Another random question: Purple or green? Which is your favorite?**

**Jenna: -searches for duct tape-**

Me: …..Blurple…

Max: Mareen…

Neytiri: They're on their way back...

**Vi: Do you own any pets? Like a cat or a dog? I'm more or a cat person myself. Of course, my friend's cat can sing the ABC's, so that just adds onto my random love of them...do you know any singing cats? And, no, Total in cat ears does not count.**

Me: I…. Dog…

Max: Don't know…. Singing cats…

Me: Except…. Neytiri…

Neytiri: -eyeroll-

Max: She… Does look cat-ish.

Me: -nods-

Max: Except… She can't sing… Worth a damn.

Neytiri: -glares-

**Vi: Oh! Another question for Lear: Do you have a beard? Oh, and for Fromo: Fang or Dylan? The answer 'Lear' is non applicable in this Q&A.**

**Jenna: I think we ran out.**

Max: QUICK! SOMEBODY! GET THESE PEOPLE SOME DUCT TAPE!

Lear: -pops up- Not on my face! Teehee!

Fromo: Both! I have two holes, you know!

Me: OUT OF MY ROOM!

Max: …..Gah… Mental images… Neytiri? Knife?

Neytiri: -refuses-

Me: Saint? Mind bleach?

**Vi: -blinks- What are you two yelling about? -shrugs to self- Never mind. So, Matt, if I dared you to, would you run around in the middle of your neighborhood in a pink dress singing "I Feel Pretty"? Would Max? Would Lear? Would Fromo?**

Me: …..There would have to be significant monetary recompense.

Max: There would have to be MORE that significant monetary recompense.

Fromo: We haven't tried that yet, Leary. Order two pin-

Me: OUT!

**Vi: What if I dared you to tell Max that you're gay? And then say that you and Fang are running away to Canada where you will be married by Dylan and Vera? Seriously, I must know, will you do this?**

Me: Max, I'm gay, and Fang and I are running away to Canada where we will be married by Dylan and Vera.

Max: For some unknown reason, I don't really believe you.

**Vi: Does being called the Damn Floridian annoy you, or do you think it's a cute nickname? Should your readers call you that? Do you think it's wise for me to abuse said nickname? Do you think it's incredibly creepy that I WANT to abuse said nickname?**

**Caris: Please, ignore my stupid, idiotic little witch. She hasn't taken her potions yet today.**

**Vi: -glares- Caris, we've discussed this. The doctor said that it was fine if I was off my potions as long as I stopped hearing those voices.**

**Caris: And do you still hear these voices?**

**Vi: Shh! Stella, shut up! The mother ship will hear you! -turns to Caris- I'm sorry, what did you say?**

**Caris/Jenna: -facepalm-**

Me: ….Do I have to answer that question, now that it has been proven that Violetta is crazy?

Max: I'd say no.

**Vi: Which leads me to think of another question! Does anyone in this story hear voices? You know, besides the Voice. The kind that tell you to do crazy stuff...like set your house on fire...or shout 'I'm not dead yet!' at twelve noon every Saturday...**

**Caris: -hangs head in total defeat-**

Me: ….Yep. Crazy.

Max: I hear voices… Well, a Voice...

Neytiri: I'M NOT DEAD YET!

Max: It's Sunday, 'Tiri...

**Vi: Speaking of which, is anyone there on meds? Or potions? Including love potions. Anyone ever tried those? I hear they're bull, but there was this one witch who...**

**Caris: -groans- Not this story again.**

Me: I'm on meds… Which reminds me… -goes to take-

Max: I need meds… Heheh…

Neytiri: I have no idea what you mean by "meds"…

Max: Let's keep it that way, okay?

**Vi: ...said she found true love with it. Oh, another random question! And this time it's for Neytiri: Do you believe Ja-I mean the J-word, is your soul mate? And if so, do you think he will ever rescue you from this hellhole we love and are proud to call Earth?**

Neytiri: -facepalm- He is my mate, yes. And I believe he will.

Max Unfortunately, it takes 6 years by crazy-high-tech spaceship from the future to get here. And there's the time difference… All 144 years of it.

Neytiri: Brilliant.

Me: -swallows pills- Makes the 14-hour difference from here to Australia seem like nothing, huh?

**Vi: So, to sign off this incredibly lengthy Q&A., I'll ask one final question.**

**Caris: Thank god.**

**Vi: For everyone: Do you know any good blonde jokes? If so, can you please tell them on the next Q&A?**

**Caris: That's you're final question? Blonde jokes?**

**Vi: -shrugs- What the hell?**

Max: Jeb, Violetta, what the JEB.

Me: Well, really, it oughta be what the FNICK, but I'll let it pass.

Max: A blonde took a look back on her year, and this is what she said…

_**January: **Took that new scarf back to the store… It was too tight!_

_**February: **Got fired from that pharmacy job because I couldn't print the labels. Duh, the little bottles don't fit in the typewriter!_

_**March:** Finally finished that jigsaw puzzle I've been working on for 6 months… Awesome, because the box said 2-4 years!_

_**April:** Got trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out!_

_**May:** Tried to make Kool-Aid. How are 8 cups of water supposed to fit into that little packet?_

_**June:** Wanted to go water skiing, but couldn't find a lake with a slope._

_**July:** Lost breast stroke swimming race… But the others cheated! They used their arms!_

_**August:** Got locked out of car in a rainstorm. Car got soaked too, beccause the top was down._

_**September:** The capital of California is "C," right?_

_**October:** Why are M&Ms so hard to peel?_

_**November: **Baked a turkey for 4 ½ days. It said an hour per pound, and I weigh 108, so why'd it burn?_

_**December: **Tried to call 911, but couldn't find the "11" button._

Me: I like this one, because it has a twist…

_There was a blonde sitting next to a lawyer on an aeroplane. _(I honestly prefer that spelling.)_ The lawyer kept trying to get the blonde to play a game of intelligence.  
Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said that for every question of his she got wrong, she owed him $5, but for every question of hers he got wrong, he owed her $50. She accepted._

_The lawyer asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"_

_The blonde immediately gave him $5 and asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down with 4 legs?"_

_The lawyer didn't know, and he took the entire flight trying to find the answer, doing everything from searching the internet to calling friends.  
Finally, when the plane landed, he gave up and handed her $50._

_As the blonde got up from her seat to get off the plane, he asked her, "What was the answer to your question?"_

_The blonde handed him $5._

Max: And that is how you make a quick buck, kids.

Me: 40 of 'em.

Max: Details, details.

Me: Moving on to Vera! She decided to amp up the randomness this time around...

**Do you prefer parachutes or elevators?**

Max: ...Wings.

Me: -facepalm-

**Parakeets or raccoons?**

Me: -glares at annoying sister's parakeet- Raccoons.

Max: Is your sister annoying, or is the parakeet annoying?

Me: ...Well, the parakeet is worse...

**Limes or strawberries?**

Max: Ever had lemon-strawberry soda? Yeah, I'm gonna go with lime.

Me: Ditto. Except strawberries in chocolate are amazing.

**Are my questions random yet?**

Max: Pfffft, nah. I eat more random things for breakfast.

Me: Frosted Flakes?

Max: Hey, you can't predict their shapes...

**Theoretically, if ALL of the kidnappees (Max, Max, Max, Max II, Fang, Fang, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Nudge, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, Angel, Angel, Total, Total, Ari, Dylan, Dylan, etc) were put into one room, what would happen?**

Max: Reality as we know it would come to an end.

Me: That, or it'd be one hell of an orgy.

**If I say "blueberry", you say...?**

Max: Pancakes!

Me: Waffles!

Max: Blue waffles!

Me: Eww...

Neytiri: I'm blue...

**If I say "circa", you say...?**

Max: Circa 1800!

Me: Circa Survive!

Max: You don't even listen to Circa Survive.

Me: -shrugs- I like the name.

Max: Fair enough.

Me: And now, we get interrogated by Niteside-Taylah-Tyler.

**For Matt: If you had to pick between Pamela Anderson and Dora the Explorer, who would you choose? The thing is, they both have a yeast infection.**

Me: ...Pamela... At least I can retain some dignity...

**For Matt: Dude! THEY HAD A YEAST INFECTION! HOW COULD YOU?**

Me: -facepalm- You never said I had to screw them...

**For Max: If Fang wasn't married to Saint and didn't have a kid with Iggy but looked just like Vin Diesel, was gay and had the hots for Fromo and Lear and had an Ahnold accent, would you still have hot sex with him?**

Max: ...What is with you and impossible sex scenarios?

**For Matt: Same question.**

Me: Same answer.

**For Matt and Max: What do you guys do on Matt's f#$ing couch with Neytiri?**

Me: -facepalm- Great. My couch is known for all the fictional sex that occurs on it.

Max: Emphasis on the fictional.

Me: I have a bed, people.

Max: -facepalm-

**For Neytiri: Has Matt explained what sexually means yet?**

Neytiri: No.

Max: I did.

Neytiri: Unfortunately.

**For Matt: Did you explain Max's drunken experiences?**

Me: Why would I?

**For Max: What you say if you saw an army of dead people, Boobahs, Angel, Dylan, Miley Cyrus, Dylan, and Fang coming at you?**

Max: I'd ask where the second Dylan came from.

**For Max: What would you say if the army was being lead by Michael Jackson?**

Max: I'd still ask about Dylan.

Me: I'd ask him to teach me to moonwalk.

**For Neytiri: Do like being stuck with Matt?**

Neytiri: He's okay.

**For Neytiri: And Max?**

Neytiri: Same.

**For Neytiri: And how are you feelings on the color blue?**

Neytiri: I am it.

**For Neytiri: Has Iggy tried to f#$ you yet? If you don't know, ask Matt.**

Me: He's not that stupid...

Neytiri: Do I want to know?

Max: No.

**For Max: If Fang was gay, spoke in a freakishly high voice, wore only pink, and wouldn't stop acting like Zac Efron, would you still love him?**

Max: No, I'd take him to the doctor.

Me: And now, from MaxRide101:

**For Neytiri: Do you realize your deity is a plant?**

Neytiri: Eywa is not a plant, she is _nature,_ and protects the balance of life.

Max: -coughplantcough-

**For Max: Okay, you have wings. Matt has a window. Um, DUH?**

Max: it doesn't open all the way...

**What do you do when JP isn't looking? -evil grin-**

Max: How many times have we answered this one?

Me: Lost count.

**a) have you ever made out with Fang during this time?**

Max: Duh.

**b) Have you ever shrieked like a little girl?**

Max: Seeing as he didn't start watching until I was 14, obviously.

**c) Are you secretly obsessed with ballet and frills?**

Max: ...What do you think?

Me: Yes.

Max: -whacks-

**d) ...these are lame questions. Matt person, you get a wild card. Pretend I said it, and ask.**

Me: Yes, I believe that American schools should teach the metric system, Aluminium, and the letter "zed," so that we become less of an oddball nation.

Max: You've been talking to the Aussie too much...

Me: I know. I don't care. From Rose the Packs Fang:

**Max, why are you scared of snakes?**

Max: Same reason pretty much everyone else is... They're damn creepy.

**Max, if you could have any power what would it be? And why?**

Max: The ability to fly! Oh, wait...

**Matt, if you could be any type of hybrid what would you want to be mixed with? And why?**

Me: Bird. Then annoying Max would be easy.

Max: ...It's hard?

Neytiri: That's what she said.

Me: Hell yeah, 'Tiri! High four! -high fours Neytiri-

**Max and Matt, what would you say if I kidnapped Jeb and Lissa, made Jeb take over Hades and rename it Jeb and sentenced Lissa to four years of the isolation tank from book two?**

Max: I'd celebrate.

Me: ...I probably wouldn't say much.

**Max, what are your feelings on cats, Diego, my devil cat, wants to know...**

Max: ...'Tiri is cat-ish...

Neytiri: -eyeroll-

**Matt, have you ever ticked Max off so bad she started throwing pots and books at you? Why?**

Me: One, I read that as "tickled," and two, no, she skips straight to the whacking.

Max: -whacks-

**Max, if Matt stuck you in a room with Lissa, Sam, Mr. Chu, UD, Total, and Danny Phantom, who do you think will walk out alive?**

Max: Me.

**Matt, who do you think will walk out alive?**

Me: Max.

Neytiri: Neytiri!

Max: -facepalm-

**Max, what would you think if you woke up and found out that is was all just a dream?**

Max: I'd be very happy. Just saying.

**Max, have you grow attached to Matt and that is why you have yet to use your magicalness to break free and take her Fang plushies with you?**

Max: Uh... Yeah, let's go with that.

**Matt, do you own a Max plushie?**

Me: Hell no.

Max: He only has a - plushie.

Me: -facepalm- No, I don't. You made one and planted it on me, that doesn't count.

Max: I didn't make one!

Me: Oh really?

Max: Yeah! 'Tiri helped!

Neytiri: -grins-

**Max and Matt, have either of you seen _How To Train Your Dragon_ yet?**

Me: Nope.

Max: No.

**Matt, why did you kiddnapped Max and not Nudge?**

Me: This story is a series of chapters, not novels.

**Max, do you miss your flock?**

Max: No s#$%, Sherlock.

**Max, how much do you wish FANG was a dream?**

Max: ...It wasn't a dream?

Me: She's still in denial. Now, for Maddie / Edward Hydes Gal101:

**Max, do you have periods?**

Max: -facepalm- Unfortunately.

**Matt, if she does have periods is it living hell for you?**

Me: What do you think?

**Matt, can I go with Saint to Florida to see you?**

Me: Only if she lets you go with her, otherwise you'd just be going to Florida to see me.

Max: Obviously.

**Do you guys know what a GLOMP is?**

Me: We know Skits.

Max: Very well.

**Do you feel violated?**

Me: I've gotten used to it.

Max: 'Tiri hasn't...

Neytiri: -waves knife around menacingly-

**Max, have you ever seen Matt's dick?**

Max: ...No comment.

**Do you WANT to?**

Max: No.

**Did you know Skits' Iggy is afraid of squirrels because of Saint?**

Max: Did you know Saint can't take _anything_ seriously now because of Matt?

Me: She could never take anything seriously...

**Can you vote on my poll?**

Me: -nods- -goes to do so- And now, Alex-Rhodes:

**For Neytiri: Jake?**

Neytiri: ...How is this a question?

**For Max: Have you ever felt the urge to beat Matt up with Billy Bob?**

Max: -facepalm- BillyBob is an AIR GUITAR. You CAN'T beat ANYONE up with BillyBob.

Me: -beats up with BillyBob- Feel the pain, nonbeliever.

Max: ...I don't feel anything.

Me: You're covered in air bruises.

Max: -eyeroll-

**For Matt: Have you ever slept in a dog kennel?**

Me: No way, thank God.

**For Max&Matt: Has Neytiri calmed down yet?**

Neytiri: Was I not calm?

Max: I think you were supposed to react to the Jake...

Neytiri: Ah...

**For Matt&Max&Neytiri: Which would you use in a fight, A) a herring, B) Jake**

**Neytiri: You cannot use Jake...**

**Max: Herring.**

**Me: I'd give Jake a herring.**

**For Fromo&Lear&Stevo: Which would you use in a fight, A) a herring, B) salami**

Stevo: -grabs dick-

Fromo: -has been kicked out-

Lear: -ditto-

**For everybody: Do you think guinea pigs are plotting to take over the world? But they can't because they lack opposable thumbs. It makes sense, think about it. When you enter the room, they all stare at you and they don't make any noise. So they must be planning something.**

Max: ...Was that a question?

Me: I don't know...

Stevo: -grabs dick- -grabs guinea pig instead- -frowns- -grabs guines pig's dick with spare hand-

**For everybody: Do you think I have too much free time?**

Max: I think Matt has too much...

Me: I think I misuse the hell out of it, too...

**Oh Matt, maybe I should kidnap someone. Are any Flock members still free or have they all been kidnapped?**

Me: They've all been kidnapped multiple times. I've seen the entire Flock kidnapped before... heh...

Max: And I disapprove of this question.

Me: No duh.

**I'm out of questions for now does that make you happy or sad?**

Max: Ecstatic.

Me: You're nice.

Max: I know.

**For Max: If Fang saved you from Matt, but it turned out he was an Eraser/Flyboy, what would you do?**

Max: I thought you were done!

Me: This is technically a different review.

Max: Brilliant... I'd whoop his ass. Next question.

**For Max&Matt: If you had to be locked in a cupboard with either Lear or Fromo, who would you choose?**

Max: That's not possible. They're kinda unseparable...

Me: Well, they are, but if you separate them, one'll be spilling sperm out of his asshole...

Max: -facepalm-

**For Max&Matt: Fromo and Lear, or Gazzy after he has eaten three bean chilli?**

Max: Gazzy.

Me: Agreed.

Neytiri: What is three bean chili?

Max: You _don't_ want to know.

**For Matt&Max: Who would win in a fight, Fromo or Lear?**

Me: I think they take turns.

Max: Huh?

Me: Like, they switch between pitching and catching.

Max: -facepalm- That's not the question...

Me: Well, doesn't the winner come out on top?

Max: -headwall-

For Matt&Max: The winner or an angry gnome?

Me: Is the gnome gay?

Max: Hey, hey, hey, what's with the random switch from "Max&Matt" to "Matt&Max?" Why am I not first anymore?

Me: Because.

**For Max: Have you ever about Ham Fang and a Zebra playing the bongos?**

Max: ...Is that a riddle or something?

For Matt: If yes, when do the men in white coats arrive?

Me: ...at noon on Saturday, when Violetta's voices tell her what to do.

Max: -eyeroll-

* * *

**Max: That's about half, right?**

**Me: At least. Now quick, let's write the second half so we can post it ASAP...**

**Max: Okay. Got anything to say, 'Tiri?**

**Neytiri: Ask more questions!**

**Me: ...**

**Max: ...**

**Me: ...**

**Max: ...**

**Me: ...**

**Max: ...**

**Neytiri: -clicks "Add Chapter" button-**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max&Neytiri_**


	29. Q & A Part 10

**Max: I hate you, 'Tiri.**

**Neytiri: -grins evilly-**

**Max: I mean, now we have MORE questions to answer.**

**Neytiri: -grins- -nods-**

**Max: Including ANOTHER assload from Saint and Fang.**

**Neytiri: -grins- -nods-**

**Max: -sighs- Matt? Anything to say?**

**Me: ...10th... Q&A... Chapter...**

**

* * *

**

Me: And now, from Noel of Randomness:

**For Max: Can I ask a few questions?**

Max: No, you may not. Of course, You're going to anyway, so why do I even bother?

**So, do you ever preen?**

Max: ...Yes, I do. Because technically, brushing your hair is preening. Look it up.

Me: You know what that question meant...

Max: But I took it literally. Now shut up.

**Do you know if you have a crop or gizzard?**

Max: Do you want me to cut myself open and find out?

**Do you like syrup on your bacon?**

Max: ...I've never tried it... Huh. Will do so.

**How many times a day do you dream about Fang?**

Max: Do I have to be asleep for it to count?

**How many times does Dylan pop into these dreams?**

Max: ...Maybe it's best if it only counts when I'm sleeping...

**Do you think Fang is bipolar?**

Max: No, he's just emo.

**Are you bipolar?**

Max: Well, you see that NO I'M F#$%ING NOT!

**How's Total?**

Max: He's... A dog. So... Ask your local talking dog that, and that's probably about how Total's doing.

**Man, I'm bored... Do you ever think about Figgy? Diggy? Niggy? Eggy? Aggy(ew)?**

Max: Living with this freak, I don't have a choice.

Me: -is planning epic OMGWTFPairing fic-

**...my creativity is limited at the moment so bear with me. Is Nudge still a veggie?**

Max: Last I checked, yes.

**Have you ever stumbled while flying?**

Max: ...Is that even possible?

Me: She crashes into trees a lot. -points to -'s TAEBloopers-

Max: -facepalm- Must you do shameless plugs?

Me: Yep. EVERYONE! GO READ SAINT'S STORIES! THEN GO READ -'S! AND SKITS'! AND RAIN'S AND M.G'S AND KARA'S AND VERA'S AND EVERYONE ELSE'S!

Max: -headwall-

**What is your hair color anyway?**

Max: I don't know, my hair has a mind of its own.

Max's Hair: -nods-

**Am I asking too many questions?**

Max: Yeah, one is more than enough.

**Is Dylan hotter than Fang? Vice Versa?**

Max: ...Yes. For both.

Me: -eyeroll-

**Do you daydream about punching /Fang in the face?**

Max: Punching doesn't begin to cover it, ditto, and why the hell would I do that?

**Have you considered anger management?**

Max: WHY THE F#$% WOULD I DO THAT? I'M NOT F#$%ING BIPOLAR!

**How much would you like me if I said I was a redhead?**

Max: I'd hate you if your name was Lissa too.

**Oh...really?**

Max: -nods-

**Why did the chicken cross the road?**

Max: BECAUSE IT F#$%ING WANTED TO! NOW GIVE THE GODDAMN CHICKEN SOME F#$%ING PRIVACY!

**What are you getting your mom for Mother's Day?**

Max: Uh... It passed... But I sent her a nice card...

**How thoughtful of you! Is Nudge fashion obsessed?**

Max: ...Have you even _read_ the books?

**If Total and Akila had babies would you name one Takila for me?**

Max: I figured _they'd_ name 'em, but I'll make sure to recommend it.

**Would you name one Fabio?**

Max: I'll ask, but that may not happen.

**How about Medusa?**

Max: Again, that may be pushing it.

**Or maybe...Fang?**

Max: No.

**Are these questions annoying?**

Max: Very.

**Am I annoying?**

Max: I wouldn't know. Your questions are.

**Should I stop now?**

Max: Yes, please.

**Are you sure?**

Max: Yes. Are you gonna stop? No...

**What do you like better, hands or feet?**

Max: Hands. You don't have thumbs on your feet.

Neytiri: Yes you do!

Max: Well, 'Tiri does, but she's also ten feet tall and blue.

Neytiri: -glares-

**Have you ever gone cow tipping?**

Max: ...You're a cop, aren't you? Then no. Never.

**What is your weirdest 'quirk'?**

Max: I'm gonna go with the wings...

**Do you like school?**

Max: Do I like THE School? No. Do I like Matt's school? Not particularly. Did I like that school in Virginia? Kinda.

**When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?**

Max: When the man on the TV with the radar map says so.

**What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?**

Max: I kill the animal, then use the plant as seasoning when I eat the animal. Last I checked, there are way less mutant birdkids than any endangered species.

**Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?**

Max: Because nobody likes styrofoam almonds.

**Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?**

Max: Ask Total...

**Can you cry underwater?**

Max: I don't see why not...

**Do you consider my questions random?**

Max: Very.

**Soo...I'm out of questions. Yay?**

Max: Hallelujah.

**For Matt: ...I dont actually have anything to say to you…**

Me: Hallelujah.

Max: Aw, come on!

Me: Now, from Skits and Iggy...

Max: Hang on, we just did an entire goddamn chapter for these guys!

Me: And they had another review, one with more questions.

Max: -facepalm-

**Iggy: I have a question for Matt.**

**Me: -laughs- Go...'head...Iggles...**

**Iggy: Now that Bell broke up with me, are you going to try to get in her pants?**

Me: Well, If she lets me, I guess, but I doubt I'll fit.

Max: -facepalm- You know what he meant.

Me: I know. But I took it literally.

Max: And I took your answer sexually.

Me: -rereads- -facepalm-

**Iggy: Max, are you going to be jealous when Matt tries to get in Bell's pants?**

Max: Only if they're damn nice pants.

**For Neytiri: Did you know you're freaking epic? You are.**

Neytiri: -grins- -nods-

Max: As if her head wasn't big enough...

**Did you know I have kidnapped Jake now? He's in the closet.**

Neytiri: -frowns- -hisses-

Max: -sings- Jakesully was trapped in the closet!

**Did you know that Jake is downright sexy, even as a blue cat-person? He is...**

Neytiri: -eyeroll- -nods-

**Is Jake good in bed? Or, well, more like under the tree...heh...**

Neytiri: -ignores question-

**Did you know I finally watched Avatar and I'm in love with it?**

Neytiri: -nods- -grins-

Max: Are you gonna say _anything?_

Neytiri: Anything.

**Did you know...I forgot what I was going to ask?**

Neytiri: Clearly.

**For Matthias: What's it like living with a big, blue, cat-person?**

Me: Uh, she takes up a hell of a lot of space...

Max: She's blue, too.

Me: What a concept...

**Do you think Avatar is a racist movie?**

Me: Me personally? No. And I had a good little mini-rant about racism here that got deleted when this failed to save (I'm answering these for the second time). Unfortunately, it took me a while to write, since I pulled up quotes and s#$%, and I really don't feel like rewriting it, so I guess you all got lucky. -shrugs-

**Did you know that I just got back from marching band practice and I fell so many freaking times in just 2 hours, I didn't even know someone could fall that much...It hurt... Can you march?**

Me: Nope.

**Can you march CORRECTLY?**

Me: Given that last answer, probably not.

**Did you know I shake my hips too much when I march?**

Me: Do tell.

**Did you know my tongue feels weird?**

Me: I do now.

**Iggy: Did you know Skits is in love with you?**

Me: I somehow doubt that.

**For Max: Did you know I'm just doing this to annoy you?**

Max: Gee, thanks...

**Did you know when you march you have to thrust your boobs out?**

Max: Are you in the Playboy Bunny Band or something?

**Did you know when you march you must NOT shake your butt? You get yelled at for it. "DON'T SHAKE YOUR ASS!" Yeah...**

Max: -hums "1985"- "She was gonna shake her ass..."

Me: Okay, this next set of questions is from Vera.

Max: AGAIN? She... But... Aw, come on!

Me: -shrugs- Take it up with her, you know how to use Skype.

**For Matt: Have you ever been dragged along while someone was bra shopping?**

Me: Hmm, that's a good question... -thinks- Not that I can remember. If it doesn't involve me, I plug in the iPod and zone out the world, so... Yeah. Probably not.

**If so, with who?**

Me: It'd definitely be with my mom and sisters. Yay.

**What was it like?**

Me: Loud. Because I'd have had my iPod at top volume.

**Mwahaha?**

Me: Eh?

**What color is your hair, anyway? I know it's "soft", but I can never remember the color...**

Me: Dark brown, it looks black at times, though.

Max: Like how my hair works.

Me: Yeah. And, well... -pats head- Yeah, the majority of it may be gone, but there's enough left for it to still be "soft."

**What would you do if you were magically turned into a pink mini-dragon that breathes sparkles, not fire, by the guy from the Lucky Charms commercial?**

Me: I would dance around in circles singing songs by Ke$ha. Of course, that would happen on the same day that Saint's dad stops being a dick, Crossover decides to stop liking the Beatles in favor of the Jonas Brothers, the US Virgin Islands rise up and take over the world, Guam capsizes, Stevo lets go of his dick, Spiffy and Pooky get caught having gay sex by Fromo and Lear, who were having straight sex with the Maxes, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, and Rodney Dangerfield come back to life to create the greatest musical group of all time, Mario and Luigi lead an army of video game characters against the US Virgin Islands for control of the world, it starts raining wontons, Saint takes that as a sign and declares herself Pope, Fang takes that as a sign and declares himself Head-Boss-Jew-Oy!, the Jews of the world revolt on the grounds that there has never been a Head-Boss-Jew-Oy! and they don't want one, Captain Jack actually finds that rum, Iggy... does something, James Patterson finally writes a book that completely makes sense, MG says "eh" like a true Canadian, not just as a mistake, eh, ET tries to phone home, but he misdials and accidentally calls a sex line, Jesus returns, takes a look around, and runs back screaming to heaven, Bell actually_ doesn't_ get mentioned in a chapter of MM&aDK, and Max realizes this is the apocalypse she was supposed to stop, and in her last-ditch attempt to stop it, she gets crushed by a rampaging army of massive murderous Mexican mutant minkles.

Max: ...

Neytiri: ...

Max: ...

Neytiri: ...

Max: ...

Neytiri: DAMN.

Max: You can say that again, 'Tiri.

Neytiri: DAMN.

**And, if faced with the opportunity, would you finally give that poor rabbit some Trix?**

Me: Oh, hell yes.

**Have you ever met anyone named Alice? I haven't...**

Me: Nope... Not that I can remember.

**For Max: My Max wants to know if you'll agree that neither of you are the actual Max, nor are either of your Max II. She says - and I agree - that you two are Max I and Max I, while Wryder's Max is Max I.**

Max: ...Uh... What?

Me: I think they're saying you're not Max, but you are Max.

Max: ...Uh...

Neytiri: I'm 'Tiri!

Max: We know.

**Did you know your sister's a vampire?**

Max: I knew that Robert Pattinson obsession was only gonna cause problems...

**What's your opinion on your sister being a vampire?**

Max: She'd better not bite me.

Me: Or what? You'd bite her back?

Max: -eyeroll-

**Have you ever tormented Dylan - who's Canadian - by Spehming him? (NEW WORD! Spehm. It means Eh Spam. XD)**

Max: Not in anything JP writes... But Matt here...

Me: -looks up from story-in-progress- Spehm doesn't work... "Spam" has an "ah" sound, not an "ay" one... So you can't really replace it with "eh"...

Max: Picky picky picky...

**What's your actual middle name? My Max refuses to tell me, and I know it's not actually "Charging-Off"...**

Max: My name is Maximum Ride. That's it. Maximum. Ride.

Me: -whispers- It's Fluffy.

Max: -eyeroll-

**For ****Neytiri: If someone dyed you, say, orange, with permanent (meaning it'll wash out in a few months) dye, what would you do? Also, that someone isn't Max or Matt.**

Neytiri: I would be orange. And I would hunt down those _joiks_ and make them pay.

Max: Who said it was Kara?

Neytiri: -shrugs-

**What does cheese taste like to you?**

Neytiri: Cheese. What's it supposed to taste like?

Me: And now, from Vera...

Max: ...THOSE WERE JUST FROM VERA!

Me: This is another set.

Max: Dear Lord...

**For Matt: What's your shoe size?**

Me: American Men's size 11 1/2. Dunno what it is in anything else, though.

**For Max: If someone dyed your wings hot pink in the middle of the night, who would you blame, other than Matt?**

Max: I'd blame 'Tiri, but she couldn't figure it out, so I'd blame one of the resident homos...

**For Lear: What would happen if you turned into a giant pink tulip?**

Lear: Alas! I cannot answer, as I would not know.

Me: Didn't I kick you out?

**For Stevo: Is life boring, always doing the same thing over and over again?**

Stevo: -headshake- -grabs dick-

Me: And why haven't I kicked you out yet?

Max: Because... -checks question list- WE'RE DONE! YESH!

Neytiri: They're gonna ask more.

Max: Shut up, 'Tiri, let me enjoy this.

* * *

**Me: Well, thank God that's done. We'll hopefully wait a bit before returning to answering questions...**

**Max: Can "a bit" be a few hundred years?**

**Me: No.**

**Max: Damn.**

**Me: Oh, and I'd like to take a moment to remember everyone who has died protecting the US. It _is _Memorial Day, after all.**

**Max: Not anymore, it's not.**

**Me: It still is in California!**

**Max: ...Okay.**

**Me: And since people from all over the world read this, I'd like to remember everyone who died protecting those countries too.**

**Max: So... In some cases, you're remembering people who killed people you're remembering?**

**Me: Don't rain on my parade.**

**Max: Any last words, 'Tiri?**

**Neytiri: MORE QUESTIONS!**

**Me: ...**

**Max: ...**

**Me: ...**

**Max: ...**

**Me: ...**

**Max: ...You'd think I'd have learned...**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max&Neytiri_**


	30. Candy Mountain Adventure with Bell

**Bell: Hi people! It's Bell and Iggy here, reporting live from Australia with this new edition of MM&aDK!**

**Iggy: Bell, what the hell are we doing?**

**Bell: Matt and I wrote a chapter together so he came up with the brilliant idea that we write each others A/Ns!**

**Iggy: And the point of that is…?**

**Bell: -shrug- Does it matter? It's fun!**

**Iggy: So he, Max and 'Tiri writing your AN?**

**Bell: Yup**

**Iggy: And we're writing his?**

**Bell: Yesh**

**Iggy: For absolutely no reason whatsoever?**

**Bell: Uh-huh**

**Iggy: …you two worry me sometimes, you know that?**

**Bell: -shrug- I worry a lot of people- LOOK! A DISTRACTION!**

**Iggy: -looks around-**

**Bell: Fail, Ig, fail**

**Iggy: -glares-**

**Bell: Anyway, Matt and I were bored-**

**Iggy: High. They were high.**

**Bell: Okay, fine, we were high-**

**Iggy: Really, _really _high.**

**Bell: Okay, whatever. We were really, _really _high and-**

**Iggy: You two were so high that-**

**Bell: IGGY! SHUT UP! _Anyway_, we decided to write a chapter together that totally rips off Charlie the Unicorn and llamas with hats.**

**Which is why I need a disclaimer…or, rather, Matt needs a disclaimer**

**Iggy: This is confusing…**

**Bell: I don't think it is. **

**Disclaimer from Australia: I…Matt doesn't own Maximum Ride, Charlie the Unicorn or llamas with hats. If he did, he'd have enough money to come here like he wants to :P**

**Iggy: -facepalm-**

**Bell: Also, just keep in mind that I say 'zed' instead of 'zee' when describing 'z'. Wow...that looks weird...**

**Iggy: You are weird**

**Bell: -eyeroll- On with the chapter.**

* * *

Bell: ;( :D ;( :D ;( :D ;(

Matt: Stop PMSing dammit!

Bell: -bursts into hysterical laughter-

Iggy: …you guys are crazy

Bell: -continues laughing- I wish that Saint was here to be hyper with us!

Matt: Saint's asleep

Bell: Let's email her then!

Matt: She's still asleep! Let's call her and wake her up!

Bell: SEEEEEHHHHHHHHNNNNNTTTTTT!

Matt: SEEEEEEHHHHHHHNNNNTTTTTT!

Bell: We're going to Candy Mountain Sehnt!

Matt: Yeah, Sehnt, we're going on an ad-ven-ture, eh. On an adventure, Sehnt. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh!

Bell: Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh! Come with us, Sehnt!

Matt: Yeah, come with us Sehnt! We're going to Candy Mountain Sehnt!

Iggy: OKAY WE GET IT!

Matt: Look Sehnt, a Leoplurodon!

Bell: It's a magical leoplurodon!

Neytiri: Uh…

Matt: IT HAS SPOKEN!

Bell: IT HAS SHOWN US THE WAY!

Neytiri: -is confused-

Iggy: -is also confused- Where's Max? We need help…

Max: -is making out with Fang plushie-

Iggy: …

Matt: SEEHHHHNNNTTTTT! Guess what, Seeehhhhnnntttt? We're on a briiiddgggeeee, Seeehhhhhnnnnttttt!

Bell: Look, Sehnt, it's a zed!

Matt: No, Sehnt, it's a Zee!

Bell: Zed!

Matt: Zee!

Bell: Zed!

Matt: Zee!

Bell: IT'S A ZEED!

Iggy:…a what?

Bell: A ZEEEEEEEEEEDDDD, Oggy.

Matt: I thought it was Sehnt…

Bell: -shrugs- SEEEEHHHHHHNNNTTTTTT!

Iggy: -is now beyond confused-

Max: -continues making out with Fang plushie-

Iggy: DAMMIT, MAX!

Matt: Look, Sehnt, it's the choo-choo-shoe!

Bell: Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- SHOE SHOOOEEEE!

Iggy: What the hell are you guys on?

Bell: I'm PMSing, which makes me hyper, and my hyperness is contagious so Matthias caught it

Iggy: …I don't know what to say to any of that. Did you just tell me in a long form that Matt is PMSing too?

Bell: …Matt?

Matt: -looks down pants- Nope

Bell: Okay then…now where were we?

Iggy: I was asking Max what the hell she was doing!

Max: -stops making out with Fang plushie- What? What is so freaking important that I have t- IGGY! -hugs-

Iggy: Uh, yeah... -hugs back-

Matt: BELL! -hugs-

Bell: MATT! -hugs back-

Neytiri: NEYTIRI! -hugs tail-

Iggy: So are you guys done being high or n-

Matt: SEEEEEEHHHHHHNNNNNNNTTTTTTT! LOOOOKKKKK! A DOOR!

Bell: The door is everything! All That once was and all that will be! The door controls time and space! Love and death! The door can see into your mind! THE DOOR CAN SEE INTO YOUR SOUL!

Neytiri: Damn.

Max: So what's going on?

Iggy: Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumbass here are on drugs.

Bell: THE DRUGS ISH NOT IN ME SAYS MOMMY! I ish BLEEDIN' from mah NETHER REGIONS!

Matt: I'm on drugs though!

Max: ...Prescription doesn't count.

Matt: Aw…

Bell: It does considering they want to make sure that Matt doesn't get pregnant…

Matt: But Bell! I only have one pill left!

Bell: Yay!

Matt: Then three more months.

Bell: Aw...

Matt: But then I'll be hot, sexy, and not pregnant!

Bell: Yeah, that'd be weird...

Matt: What would you say if I told you I was pregnant?

Bell: I wouldn't believe you...

Matt: Yeah, me either...

Bell: So you wouldn't believe yourself?

Matt: Nope. I wouldn't believe it until a baby crawled out of my ass.

Bell: Why would the baby crawl out of your ass?

Matt: The other hole's too small...

Bell: Well, it's too small for woma-

Iggy: Can we change the topic?

Bell: No.

Matt: Beeeeelllllllllllllll…

Bell: What?

Matt: There's a dead Oggy in your room!

Oggy: ...Huh?

Bell: Oh noes! How did he get here?

Matt: Beeeellllllll, what did you do?

Bell: Huh? No, I've never seen him before in my life.

Oggy: ...Well, in that case, I've never seen you, either.

Max: You haven't... You're blind...

Matt: Why did you kill this person Bell?

Bell: I did not! Killing mutants is my least favourite thing to do!

Matt: But you killed Oggy!

Bell: No I didn't!

Matt: Alright, Bell, tell me exactly what you were doing before I randomly appeared out of thin air.

Bell: Well, I was sitting in my room

Matt: Uh-huh.

Bell: Reading Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu

Matt: Go on

Bell: When Oggy walked in

Matt: Yes

Bell: So I went up to him

Matt: Yeah…

Bell: And I stabbed him 7 times in the chest!

Matt: ...

Max: ...

Iggy: ...

Neytiri: ... Oh, look, a koala!

Matt: Beeeellllllllll, that kills people!

Bell: Oh, really? I thought his mutant powers...

Matt: How could you not know that kills people?

Bell: Okay, I'm wrong here, I kn-

Matt: Bell?

Bell: Yeah?

Matt: What happened to his ears?

Iggy: -grabs ears- Is there a problem?

Bell: His ears?

Matt: Yes, why are they missing?

Bell: Oh, well, I cooked them up and fed them to Neytiri.

Neytiri: -licks lips-

Matt: ...Beeeellllllllllllllll, why on Earth would you do that?

Bell: She was hungry, give me a break!

Matt: 'Tiiiiiirrrrrriiiiiiii...

Neytiri: Hey! My tummy was making the rumblies.

Matt: It can do that?

Max: -pokes Neytiri's belly- I guess so...

Bell: Neytiri! Ish you PREGNANT?

Neytiri: ...Uh...

Bell: QUICK! TAKE MATT'S ANTI-PREGNANCY PILLS!

Matt: Aw, I need those...

Bell: But whhhhyyyyyyy?

Matt Because… Becau… Be… -yawns-

Bell: It's 4 am Matt... Go to bed...

Matt: Noooooooo...

Bell: Yes... You need sleep...

Matt: Noooo... I want to talk to you...

Bell: Sleep, Matt...

Matt: No...

Bell: Come onnnnnn Maaattttttt...

Matt: Noooooooo...

Bell: Goodnight...

Matt: No...

Bell: Go to bed...

Matt: But I don't want to!

Bell: Pwease? For me?

Matt: -sighs- Fine...

Bell: -hugs tight- Good night!

Matt: -hugs back tight- 'Night!

Bell: Sleep tight!

Matt: I will!

Bell: I'll talk to you tomorrow!

Matt: Not if I do first!

Bell: No, I will!

Matt: Just you wait and see!

Bell: Oh, well, y-

Iggy: WILL YOU JUST F#$%ING GO TO BED ALREADY?

Neytiri: Shut up, Heartless Bitch.

Matt: -sigh- Well, I'm going to bed.

Bell: -sigh- Okay.

Matt: 'Night!

Bell: 'Night!

Matt: -hugs tight- I love you!

Bell: -hugs back tight- I love you too!

Matt: -kisses-

Bell: -kisses back-

Matt: -pulls closer- -kisses more-

Bell: I lov-

Iggy: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL MUTANTS GO TO BED ALREADY!

Max: ...Did I miss something?

Matt: Yeah... We're together!

Bell: -grins-

Oggy: ...thanks for telling us -gags-

Neytiri: ...Hey, look, a kookaburra!

Iggy: Oh, I wish I could see that!

Neytiri: I'm sure you do, Heartless Bitch.

Bell: Yes, Iggy, I know you want to see me and Matt making out but you can't. Ha. :P

Iggy: -facepalm-

Bell: -shrugs-

Max: ...So...

Matt: Okay, 'night Bell!

Bell: 'Night Matt!

Max: 'Night Iggy!

Iggy: ...It's night?

Neytiri: Go kick a puppy, Heartless Bitch.


	31. HOLY SHIT AN UPDATE

**Max: HOLY SHIT AN UPDATE!**

**Me: Yeah. Well, let's get started, shall we?**

**Max: Okay.**

**Me: I am officially way too busy. I have no time to do anything I want to do. Because I'm too busy doing other things I want to do.**

**Max: Uh-huh.**

**Me: Yeah. Uh... I'm far behind in about a million things, and the fact that my room flooded randomly and destroyed my laptop doesn't help.**

**Max: I feel the need to comment.**

**Me: ...**

**Max: What?**

**Me: Anyway. Multiple art projects, schoolwork, listening to music, writing music, playing music, reading, hanging out with friends, and, lastly, writing fanfiction.**

**Max: Notice what's last on the list.**

**Me: Winged Girl is right. But- and I've said this many times- I've got ideas galore and I'm ready to get back on track. I think tonight will be a writing night.**

**Max: Yay?**

**Me: -shrugs- Anyway, due to FF being a bitch and my computer going kaput, I lost all the MM&aDK work I had done. Which was a 4-chapter series looking back at the first year of this story and an ungoldly long Q&A answering the thousands of questions I have backed up.**

**Max: ...We have to answer them again?**

**Me: Actually, only the majority. I think I have a copy of the Vera chapter.**

**Max: ...Yay?**

**Me: Well. I need to get back to writing LL, because that story is awesome, and finally write that FSM sequel. And I've got ideas for other stories...**

**Max: Like Hunger Games?**

**Me: Yep, my epic Hunger Games idea. I read the first book and was inspired. So, I'm doing an all-FF Hunger Games.**

**Max: Pray tell, what is that?**

**Me: I'm gonna take characters from a whole bunch of stories, toss them into an arena, and have 'em kill each other.**

**Max: Fuuuuunnnnnnn.**

**Neytiri: For those of you who haven't read the book, Matt is talking about the annual competition the book focuses on. Simply put, 24 teens are thrown into a massive arena, and the last survivor wins.**

**Me: Thanks, 'Tiri. And the way things play out will be determined 1/3 by reader feedback, 1/3 by Skype Crew feedback, and 1/3 by me.**

**Max: But wait... Why are you telling THEM?**

**Me: Because I need their help! I want you guys to recommend characters to use! (Or stories to pull characters from. That too.)**

**Some rules...**

**1.) Must be human. So no 'Tiri. She'd win by default, anyway.**

**Neytiri: Damn.**

**Max: ...Hey, I'm not human.**

**Me: I know, I'm still trying to decide if you can compete or not.**

**Max: Meh...**

**2.) Not Twilight. If you make me put Edward in, I swear he will die brutally on day one.**

**Max: Heheh...**

**Me: Now, the stories I am definitely going to use characters from:**

**1.) Hunger Games (This one is kinda a given. But I refuse to use Peeta. Hate him.)**

**2.) Avatar (Nickelodeon, not James Cameron.)**

**3.) Percy Jackson (But probably not Percy. And definitely Thalia.)**

**You guys get to tell me which characters from these stories to use!**

**Max: And they get to suggest the other stories/characters?**

**Me: Yep! I'm either gonna do 2 each from 12 stories or 3 each from 8.**

**Max: Waaaayyyyy toooooooo .**

**Me: Go to hell. Anyway... Yeah, I think that's all.**

**Max: Good, I'm hungry.**

**Me: So, review and let me know who to use! (And I expect you all to read it when I start writing. :P )**

**Neytiri: And don't forget to ask que-**

**Max: NOOOOOOOO!**

**Me: 'Tiri. Hell. No. No more questions.**

**Max: They're gonna ask questions now, aren't they?**

**Me: -facepalm- Probably.**

_**Thanks for reading! -Matt, Max, & 'Tiri**_


	32. Q & A Part 11, Caris, dijah12, & Skits

**Me: We're FINALLY back with new material!**

**Max: It's been long enough...**

**Me: That's too true. Here's a longass Q&A chapter(s). Gonna keep this simple, there won't be much in the way of A/Ns, I want to go to bed. Plus, this way, it won't be broken up as harshly.**

**Max: Alright, let's do this.**

**

* * *

**

Me: Alright, we're finally back.

Max: Whoohoo.

Me: And we've got a damn lot of questions to answer.

Max: -nods-

Me: But FIRST, there's something I have to do… But beware. 'Tis spoilers.

Neytiri: GASP!

Max: -facepalm-

Me: Yeah, I've got a basic, mildly humorous summary of the first 23 chapters of ANGEL, which are available for reading. We have a few weeks left until the full book is out.

Max: So… DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT IF YOU WANT ANGEL TO SURPRISE YOU AT ALL.

Me: DON'T READ PAST HERE EITHER.

Max: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS, JUST SKIP TO THE NEXT ALL-CAPS TEXT.

Me: BUT NOT THIS ALL-CAPS TEXT. THE ONE AFTER THIS.

Max: BUT NOT THIS ONE.

Me: Alright, I think they get it. So, here goes nothing.

What you may have already known, from chapters 1-9: Max is sulking because of Fang being gone. Dylan is really bold in his advances. Max is being the total opposite of what she was in books 1-3. Then Jeb and Hansen-Jansen show up and say that they've made an army of mutants for Max to command and, when she takes over the world and rules as queen, she's gotta screw Dylan, because she'll need an heir.

Max: Why they can't make me an heir, I'll never understand. Did they lose the birdkid blueprints or something?

Me: And what you probably don't know yet, from 10-23, they travel in a plane into an illogical trap. It just makes no sense. And they survive in a way that also makes no sense. But Doc Heidy-Deidy goes missing (Thank God). Meanwhile, we find Fang organizing his own Flock, except they aren't all birdkids, they're mixed specimens. All sorts of mutants. Etc. Meanwhile, Dylan somehow is finding success in convincing Max that they should sleep together.

Max: Not that direct.

Me: Fine, that they should BE together, which would lead to sleeping together. Horny bastard. And Max is, like I said, believing him. -sigh- Back at Camp Fnick, the group decides to name themselves "Fang's Gang," and Max shows up.

Max: I what?

Me: …Fine, Max II shows up.

Max: I thought so.

Me: And then Fang's Gang gang-rapes her.

Max: …

Me: …What? I have already decided that I'm gonna call them the Fang-Bangers. It's a much better name.

Max: …

Me: And the Flock has been fail lately. New name: F(ai)lock.

Max: …You're a major pain in the ass…

Me: Tell it to the Fang-Bangers. AND NOW WE'RE DONE WITH THE SPOILERS. RETURN, O READERS.

Max: AND DON'T BELIEVE THE LIES JAMES PATTERSON WRITES ABOUT ME AND DYLAN AND IGGY HAVING A THREESOME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT. BECAUSE THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

Me: YEAH, ELLA WAS THERE TOO.

Max: -glares-

Me: AND on that note, we move on to questions. If we miss some you sent in, we're sorry. When we copied and pasted all the questions into a word document, it was 47 pages long. FOURTY. SEVEN.

Max: That's a lot.

Me: So we're gonna number them, see if we break 1000.

Neytiri: Don't you just love me?

Max: Shut up, 'Tiri.

Neytiri: -evil grin-

Me: ANYWAY. First up, good ol' Caris L. Clearwater & friends.

Max: Claris?

Me: -facepalm-

**Vi: For Max/Matt: Which pairing do you support the most? Dang (Fang/Dylan) or Fax II (Fang/Max II)? (1)**

Me: Figglan. Fang/Iggy/Dylan.

Max: Fax. Fang/Me.

Me: Oh, and

Saint and I are debating whether Fax II is a possibility. She thinks ANGEL will end with Mylan and Fax II. I think book 8 will end with Fax, Eggy, and Mylan II. We'll see. I'm still hoping for Figglan and Max/Max II. -shrugs-

END

Max: -facepalms repeatedly-

**Vi: For Max: Has anyone ever called you Maxie? (2)**

Max: And lived to tell the tale? No.

Me: You sure, Maxie?

Max: -glares-

**Vi: For Matt: Has anyone ever called you Matty? Or Matt-man? Or something else stupid? (3)**

Me: I've been called Mattie recently. I've also been called a whole ton of stupid things that only two people on FF know, me and Bell. She ain't talking.

Max: What about me?

Me: You're a roommate, you don't count.

**Vi: For Max: If unfurry minkle number 8 from Vera's house asked you out, would you accept? What would you name your kids? (4)**

Max: …I'm just gonna say no and leave it at that.

**Caris: Um...Max! Who would you rather date: Omega or Iggy? (5)**

Max: …Iggy…?

**Vi: -pouts- Well...uh...Matt! If you were on death row, about to die (obviously), and Max was standing next to you, would you profess your love for her in the form of a Shakespearean sonnet or a ballad? (6)**

Me: …Iggy…

**Jenna: Fine...For Matt and Neytiri: What would you rather choose; a moment of beauty and fire, or a long life, half lived and dulled? (7)**

Me: …Congratulations, Jenna, I'm gonna go curl up in the emo corner now, thanks.

Neytiri: FIRE, BEE-OWTCH! BURN BABIES BURNING!

Max: …That's not how the song goes, 'Tiri.

**Vi: For everyone!: If you had to be trapped in a room with either Caris, ****Jenna, or I for an entire hour, who ould you choose? Keep in mind that I've not yet had my potions, it's noon on Saturday, Caris is having writers' block, and Jenna is pissy because The Girl in the Other Room hasn't been updated in over a month. (8)**

Me: …Caris, she hasn't done anything too crazy and/or emo.

Max: Claris, just to see if-

Me: It's Caris.

Max: I know.

Me: -facepalm-

Neytiri: BURN BABIES BURNING, DISCO IN FRESNO!

Max: …Neytiri, just… no…

Me: ALRIGHT, moving on to dijah12!

**For Max- Are you secretly in love with Matt, you're just afraid to admit it because it will lead to you being "sexually active" and then you will get pregnant and even more impatient and crazy and plain whacko than before? (9)**

Max: …No, I'm not.

Me: She's secretly in love with Max II.

Max: …I'm not even going to bother responding.

**Matt, do you think that it would be wrong if I kidnapped Iggy? (10)**

Me: If you can find one that hasn't been captured yet, go right ahead.

Neytiri: Skits's turn!

Max: Oh joy.

**TO MATT: You said you've played poker, are you any good? (11)**

Me: Not really.

**Do you have a good poker face? (12)**

Me: Yeah, I just act like a deranged maniac. Nobody knows what cards I have. Of course, neither do I, but that makes it more fun!

**Did you just start silently singing Poker Face by Lady Gaga in your head like I did? (13)**

Me: Not a fan of Gaga's music, so I don't even know the song.

**If you didn't before, did you this time? (14)**

Me: Well, if you consider "Can't read my, can't read my, can't read my poker face!" as singing it, then yeah, but that's all I know.

**What would you do if Stevo mistook his dick for yours? (15)**

Me: I mean, I approve of her and all her outfits, but I don't listen to her music that often.

**Would you feel violated? (16)**

Me: But hardcore/metal covers of "Bad Romance" are epic, just saying.

Max: You're not answering the questions.

Me: There's a good reason for that.

**I noticed that you associated glomps with me, do you think I glomp too much? (17)**

Me: Nah, you're… a glomper. You glomp. It's in your DNA or something.

**Glomps are like hugs, they're great! Unless the person smells like toilet water. Do you agree? (18)**

Me: That depends. Used toilet water?

**Why do you deny the wedding that we evilly tricked you and Max into? (19)**

Me: Why do you deny the relationship you and Max had?

Max: …What relationship?

Me: That question's for you, too, Maxie.

**Did you ever get your couch fixed? (20)**

Me: Nope.

**Do you and Max repeat the acts done on that couch on your wedding**

**night? (21)**

Me: What wedding?

Max: What night?

Neytiri: BURNING BABIES YEAH!

Max: 'Tiri, find a different song, please…

**Did you understand that? (22)**

Me: Understand what? 'Tiri's singing?

**If not, I'll translate it to English from 'Skits Language at 1 AM': Do you and Max fuck on the fucking couch? (23)**

Me: No. Only Max and the various guys she drags home on Friday nights…

Max: …That's a load of crap…

**Have you re-broken the couch? Well, if you even got it fixed...I think you did...-shrug- (24)**

Me: It's still broken…

**What would you do if I did get to go to Florida this summer? (25)**

Me: You'd have to come visit me. Saint's in Orlando right now, but I can't do anything about it.

**Would you get off your lazy bum and come meet me unlike you did for M.G? (26)**

Me: Maybe. She's not out to kill me.

**What would you do if a random girl came up and glomped you? (27)**

Me: …I'd be glomped.

**What if said girl smelled like toilet water? (28)**

Me: Used or fresh?

**What if she smelled like a cupcake? (29)**

Me: Digested or not?

**Did you know I have cupcake perfume? (30)**

Me: I do now…

**Don't you just LOVE my questions? (31)**

Me: I'm thrilled…

**Do you think I should just shut up? (32)**

Me: I think you should interrogate Max now.

Max: …Hey!

**TO MAX: WHY DO YOU NOT BELIEVE IN BILLY BOB? (33)**

Max: …Because. It. Is. AIR.

Me: -whacks with BillyBob-

**What would you do if Matt cut your hair in your sleep? (34)**

Max: He does that…

Me: Otherwise she'll never get a haircut.

**What would you do if you finally got a hold of 'Tiri's knife? (35)**

Max: …Y'know, I'm not sure really…

**What would you do if that window opened all the way? (36)**

Max: I'd-

Me: Go find your true love, Max II?

Max: …

Me: Go on a graffiti rampage, painting "Max was here" all over the town?

Max: …

Me: Fly to China, get some wontons, then fly over Paris and toss them down to the ground so the French think the Chinese are bombing them and they start a full-scale war during which you move to Canada and learn how to play hockey so that someday, you can play hockey in the Great State of Maxedonia, which you'll create out of the ruins of China and France?

Max: …What the hell?

**What would you do if Matt raped you? (37)**

Max: …

Me: …

**Did you know that in my state, if you say "no", but get pressured into having sex anyway, it's considered rape? Well, if you press charges... (38)**

Max: …I do now.

**Would you come up here, agree to f#$% Matt (after denying at first), and then press charges against him just to get free? (39)**

Max: …No…

**If you just decided to try that, did you know that if you DID do that, I'd ****kidnap you? Then, when Matt got out of jail, I'd give you back to him. (40)**

Max: …bitch…

**Have you played poker with Matt? (41)**

Max: Yep.

**Is he good? (42)**

Max: No, he makes all these weird faces…

**Are you good? (43)**

Max: Not as good as Angel…

**Do YOU have a good poker face? (44)**

Max: Don't need one. A single Max Glare sends people running, so I win automatically.

**Did YOU just start singing that song like I did (again)? (45)**

Max: Nope.

**TO NEYTIRI: Did you know that you're f#$%ing epic? You are... (46)**

Neytiri: Hells are the two yeahs.

Max: …Did you mean "hell to the yeah"…?

**Did you know I've kidnapped Jake? (47)**

Neytiri: -shrugs- -yawns-

**Is riding that...flying thingy (yeah, my technical names fail) fun? (48)**

Neytiri: -nods-

**TO STEVO: Why the fnick do you grab your dick so much? What if it gets worms like a puppy does when you hold it too much? And, why did you grab your dick WHILE taking a picture? (49)**

Me: Stevo is unavailable for comment.

**TO FROMO: Did you know that this girl I know thinks you're hot? (50)**

Max: Fromo is uninterested.

**And why do you f#$% your cousin? (51)**

Me: …

Max: …

**BACK TO STEVO: Do you join in the f#$% party with Lear and Fromo? (52)**

Me: …

Max: …

Neytiri: BURNED BABIES BURNING!

**AND TO LEAR: ****I just thought you might feel left out, so...um...did you know that...um...my...ex-husband/boyfriend thingy was named Leer? Well, actually, his name was Lyric, and we called him Leer..but still... (53)**

Max: … 'Tiri, please, stop singing…

* * *

**Max: End chapter?**

**Me: End chapter.**

**Max: On to the next part?**

**Me: On to the next part!**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max_**


	33. Q & A Part 12, By Saint and About Saint

**Me: Moving right along...**

**Max: Guess whose turn it is?

* * *

**

Me: NEXT UP…

Max: …Oh, God, please no…

Me: The One, The Only, THE… SAINT FANG OF BOREDOM.

**Saint: So...Ummm...Fang, you were on my left side...**

**Fang: Yeah, and you were leaning on your pillow...**

**Saint: And... Ok, I don't think we have to be in the exact same positions as we were when we wrote the review.**

**Fang: Heh, did anyone else take that convo sickly? (54)**

Me: This fic is (supposedly) rated T, guys, keep it clean.

Max: …Knife,'Tiri.

**Saint: Did you know it's now 2:20 a.m.? (55)**

Me: No, it's not.

Max: You guys are crazy.

**Fang: Ok...What were some of the questions we asked, anyway? (56)**

Me: …

Max: …

Me: …I don't think that was for us.

**Saint: Let me think...Oh! Stevo, does your dick have a nickname? (57)**

Me: … No comment.

Max: … 'TIRI. KNIFE. NOW.

**Fang: We're just gonna throw the questions out randomly as we remember them, I guess. Matt, if you had the ability to get pregnant, what do you think you'd be craving? (58)**

Me: … (insert witty answer here)

Max: …You cheat.

Me: Heh.

**Saint: What are you guys doing for Memorial Day? (59)**

Me: …Y'know, maybe we should answer these sooner…

Max: Ya think?

**Fang: Did you know it's very hard to review with a broken 'u' key? -glares at Saint- (60)**

Me: I don't doubt it, Fnickles.

**Saint: What's your favorite ice cream/number/musical/? (61)**

Me: Swirl, 14 or 15, and Spamalot.

Max: Chocolate, pi, Wicked.

Neytiri: Blue, blue, blue.

**Fang: Neytiri, if you had to dye yourself a different color or Jake would die in a terrible ice skating accident in July, what color would you be? (62)**

Neytiri: Blue.

**Saint: Matt, you've been told you must shave your head bald or Max will be turned into a bottle of Mountain Dew. Will you go to Wal-Mart to pick up your mom's groceries or get therapy for your other personality named Orzo? (63)**

Me: I would rent a car, drive to Madagascar, call Orzo to tell him that the King Lemur dude likes to move it, move it and that Saint is bats#$% crazy and should probably have her laptop confisticated.

**Fang: Did that question make any sense? (64)**

Me: You tell me, emo kid.

**Saint: -deep breath- Max, do you think J.P. watches you in the bathroom as he was definitely watching you in the bathroom in books 2 and 3? Do you think he watches the rest of the Flock in the bathroom? Do you think he watches Matt and I, because we kidnapped you guys? Do you think he watches us in the bathroom? Does anyone find these thoughts creepy? (65, 66, 67, 68, 69)**

Max: …I sure hope not. For pretty much all of those.

**Fang: Can anyone tie a cherry stem in a knot with their tongue? (70)**

Me: Nope.

Max: Nope.

Neytiri: Blue.

**Saint: How is it that, wherever Fang is in the books, he has good internet ****connection? (71)**

Me: …

Max: …

Me: …

Max: …

Me: …Damn, JP loves those plotholes.

**Fang: Neytiri, do the Na'vi have babies like humans do, or differently? (72)**

Neytiri: That's for me to know and for you to find out, birdboy.

**Saint: Billybob, do you have any siblings? (73)**

Me: You sure do, don't you, BillyBob?

Neytiri: -plucks Lucille, her air bass-

Max: -sigh- You guys are crazy…

**Fang: What is St. Matthias the Patron Saint of? (74)**

Me: …TO GOOGLE!

Max –eyeroll-

Me: …He's the patron saint of alcoholism.

Max: …Wooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww that's ironic.

Me: Are you saying I'm an alcoholic?

Max: You were drinking rum like Captain Jack at Gasparilla, so yes, you are.

**Saint: How's that internship thing you needed the resume for coming? Any news? (75)**

Me: …yeah, we need to answer these more promptly next time.

Max: Oh, please don't let there be a next time.

**Fang: Are we good at remembering questions or what? (76)**

Me: I'm gonna say not.

Max: Ditto.

**Saint: Do Max's wings twitch in her sleep like Fang's do? (77)**

Me: Yeah, and she moans stuff like "Oh, Dylan, yes! Yes!"

Max: …I swear, I will kill you if you keep talking.

Me: And then she screams and wakes up and pretends it was a nightmare.

Max: It WAS!

Me: For Fang, maybe…

**Fang: Matt, you found out that Max is pregnant with Stevo's kid. What will you tell Billybob? (78)**

Me: …What would I tell you, BillyBob? Really? Okay!

Max: -headdesk-

**Saint: Is it just me, or are Fang and I better at remembering each other's questions than our own? (79)**

Me: …I dunno, is it?

**Fang: Matt, did you know that Saint's Gram thinks you're a 50-year-old pedophile? (80)**

Me: Hey Fang, did you know that me and Saint are on the phone right now and talking about you as a car?

Max: Don't let other cars rear-end you, heheheh…

**Saint: Ironic, no? (81)**

Me: …Yes…?

**Fang: Neytiri, can you get Saint a 6-legged horsey thing? (82)**

Neytiri: -shrugs-

**Fang: One more... Is it creepy that Saint has her mom's fake eye in a jar? (83)**

Me: …Yes, very.

Max: Go see a doctor.

Me: Like Jeb, he's a doctor.

**Saint: -eyeroll- Well, here's a question: If I didn't have it in the jar that my mom left it in, by the way, where the Hell /would/ I put it? (84)**

Me: …That's a very good question.

**Fang: Did you see Saint's cemetery pics on dA? (85)**

Max: Put the eye there.

Me: That's just cruel…

**Saint: And don't you just _love_ the 'One More Damn Eh' pic? (86)**

Me: …I'd forgotten about that…

**Fang: Eh? (87)**

Me: Eh…

Max: Eh!

**Saint: Eh eh? (88)**

Me: Eh eh eh, eh eh.

Max: Eh!

Neytiri: BLUE!

**Fang: Would you like some new questions to go with the old ones? (89)**

Me: No…

Max: Hell no…

Neytiri: BRING THEM ON AND BURN THE BABY!

**Fang: Did you know Saint couldn't take anything seriously before she met Matt, but Matt has only made the problem worse? (90)**

Me: I have that effect on people.

Max: Did you know Stevo didn't have a fan club until Matt met Saint?

**Saint: Matt, you've just found out that Stevo and Lear have, somehow, produced a child. Brain bleach or knife? (91)**

Me: …Since I'm supposed to be, y'know, not going near anything suicide-related, I'm gonna say brain bleach.

**Fang: Do you have any pictures of manatees? (92)**

Me: Plenty. You have some now too, methinks.

**Saint: What's your least favorite name? (93)**

Me: Hmm… What would you say if I said Matthias?

Max: Mine's Maxie.

Me: Really, Maxie?

Max: Do you want to retain possession of both of your testicles, or do you intend to provoke me to the point of castration?

Me: So you admit you want my balls?

Max: -facepalm-

**Fang: Do you want a baby guinea pig? (94)**

Me: After hearing that story the Lax Bro told…

Max: Wasn't that a hamster…?

Me: Same difference. Anyway, so this was back when he was in 4th grade. He was at a friend's house, and his friend had a new hamster named Smokey.

Max: How is the name relevant?

Me: Adds a personal touch. So, anyway, they had a blanket and were tossing Smokey up in the air, you know, all fun-like.

Max: … This can't end well.

Me: Well, they launch Smokey up a bit too high…

Max: He hit the ceiling and died?

Me: What? No! That's cruel!

Max: Oh, good, because…

Me: He hit the ceiling and survived.

Max: …

Me: Of course, the Lax Bro freaked and dropped his end of the blanket.

Max: … So he hit the _floor_ and died?

Me: Nah, he's not dead yet.

Max: …So he dies.

Me: Eventually. So Smokey has now hit both the ceiling and the floor, so he crawls under the trundle bed to die.

Max: Great ending.

Me: Not done yet. The Lax Bro's an idiot, you know. These dumb f#$%s decide to try and coax Smokey out, but he's not budging. So they decide to open the trundle bed and take him out themselves.

Max: …Please don't tell me that he…

Me: Yep! Smokey got caught on the wheel and ripped in two!

Max: … 'Tiri, brain bleach, now.

**Saint: What would you name it if you did have one? (95)**

Me: SMOKEY!

Max: That's it, you're not getting any rodents.

**Fang: Is Feanor a good name for a guinea pig? (96)**

Me: No, but Smokey is.

**Saint: Do you know who Feanor is? (97)**

Me: Probably not Smokey.

**Fang: If you don't, Google him and answer the question, ok? (98)**

Me: I don't feel like it, sorry, Fnickles.

**Saint: Speaking of Tolkien, did you know we kidnapped Aragorn from LotR to be our babysitter, but I kinda lost him and forgot about him? (99)**

Me: Let's hope he's not under the trundle bed, heh.

Max: -facepalm-

**Fang: And we don't know where he went? (100)**

Me: Hopefully, not under the trundle bed.

Max: …We've already hit 100 questions and aren't even done with Saint yet?

Me: …Saint sent in less than 100 questions?

**Spiffy: Did you know we tied him up in the basement? (101)**

Me: …Can we go back and un-answer the last question, now that Spiffy did it for us?

**Pooky: And tried to get him to hand over the Key to Gondor? (102)**

Max: …How is this even relevant?

**Fang: Does anyone like my idea of me switching places with Max once a month so that Matt and I can hang out while the girls PMS? (103)**

Me: …

Max: …

Me: …

Max: …

Me: HELL YES.

Max: -facepalm-

**Fang: Matt, how are you hiding someone as tall as Neytiri in your house? (104)**

Me: We don't hide her, people just don't believe what they're seeing.

**Saint: Neytiri, how long is Jake's dick? (105)**

Neytiri: Blue.

**Aragorn: Can I quit now? (106)**

Me: Nope.

**Aragorn: Ummm... What does it take to get some freedom around here? (107)**

Me: You have much to learn, grasshopper.

Max: You can say that again…

**Saint: Matt, how the Hell did you end up having 'The Talk' at Subway, anyway? (108)**

Me: Honestly, no idea.

**Fang: Did it involve footlongs? (109)**

Me: Thankfully, no…

**Aragorn: What's 'The Talk'? (110)**

Me: Well, when a daddy mutant decides he was built to be with a mommy mutant, he tries to convince her to-

Max: -whacks-

**Fang: If Guam actually did capsize, do you think anyone would notice? (111)**

Me: Probably not.

**Saint: Do you ever wash that couch of yours? (112)**

Me: …Couches don't fit in laundry machines…

**Fang: Or your sheets? (113)**

Me: Those I do…

**Saint: Max, can you buy Bell and Matthias Plushies in box sets? I'm thinking epic Store idea... 'The Jealousy Duo Pack, comes with Bell plushie, Matthias plushie, Billybob air guitar accessory and krill toy accessory'... (114)**

Max: …Wow, we really need to answer these questions sooner…

**Fang: Could also sell all those Fang plushies, huh?**

Max: -hisses- My precioussssss…

**Saint: Add some Saint plushies? (115)**

Me: Show your face first…

**Saint: How about a Stevo Coat Hanger? (116)**

Max: …There's a joke here, I know it…

**Me: Put your iPod/mp3/whatever on shuffle. What's the fourth song that comes up? (117)**

Me: "Sometimes Things Get, Whatever" by deadmau5.

Max: Shuffle, you dumbass.

Me: -eyeroll- Alright… -pulls out iPod- Alright, "Beverly Hills," "Noel," "Black Mamba," and fourth… -cracks up-

Max: …What?

Me: -laughs harder-

Max: …What song is it?

Me: -falls out of chair laughing-

Max: …What's so funny?

Me: -gasps for air- -hands iPod to Max-

Max: … "F#$% A Dog." Of course it is.

**Fang: Max, what song reminds you of us? (118)**

Max: F#$% A Dog.

**Saint: Matt, what song reminds you of Stevo? (119)**

Me: Dick In A Box.

**Fang: Did you know book 6 is a lie as I've been with Saint the entire time? (120)**

Me: Sure…

**Saint: Did you know that he's right? (121)**

Me: I believe the birdboy.

**Fang: Did you know Amanda has a pet piranha? (122)**

Me: …Fun.

**Fang: And three great danes? (123)**

Me: …That's… great…

**Saint: And she still thinks you might be gay, Matt? (124)**

Me: …Not. Gay.

Max: Gaaaaayyyyyyy.

Me: Maxie.

Max: -glares-

**Saint: Do you like guacamole? (125)**

Me: I lurrrves me some guac.

**Fang: Hey...You ever realize that Dylan's name has that famous Canadian quote in it? Dylehn. (126)**

Max: -eyeroll-

Me: Upset that they're insulting your lover, Maxie?

Max: You have a death wish, don't you?

**Saint: You guys have any more Dylan's Face jokes? (127)**

Me: I know! What's brown and sticky?

Max: Dylan's Face?

Me: No, a stick!

Max: ….-facepalm-

**Fang: Matt, what's your mom's favorite color? (128)**

Me: …I honestly have no idea.

**Saint: What's your dad's favorite color? (129)**

Me: …This may be blue, but I don't know for sure…

**Fang: What are your siblings' favorite colors? (130)**

Me: Blue and green.

**Saint: Does your dog do any tricks? (131)**

Me: Duh.

**Fang: Pretend I've just asked you the one question you've been hoping to get. What's your answer? (132)**

Me: ...I want Iggy to beat up Dylan and say "MY MAX! MINE! MIIINNNNEEEE!" then they make out and have babies and then Dylan wakes up from his nightmare and finds himself naked in bed next to Max and then Max wakes up from her dream in a panic because she doesn't want to sleep with Dylan and then she randomly explodes into a ball of fire and then Fang wakes up from his dream because he's scared s#$%less of Max dying and then Jeb wakes up because he jizzed his pants because the thought of Fang in bed turns him on. Then Leonardo DiCaprio escapes with the plans to destroy the world and the police finally arrest JP for being legally insane.

Max: …What the hell type of question would that be the answer to?

Neytiri: If JP is _legally_ insane, why is he being arrested? Wouldn't he have to be _illegally_ insane?

Me: …

Max: …

Me: …Blue girl has a point.

Neytiri: -grins-

**Saint: Pretend I've just asked you the most uncomfortable question you can think of. What's your answer? (133)**

Me: That's what she said.

Max: -facepalm-

**Fang: Why does the word 'answer' have a 'w' in it? (134)**

Me: It doesn't. You're just dreaming. In a minute Max here will explode and you'll wake up.

Max: -eyeroll-

**Saint: Do you think I'll ever get the 'u' key fixed? (135)**

Me: I think you've fixed it by now…

**Fang: What do you think of Saint's dad's tires getting slashed? (136)**

Me: I think that's freaking hilarious.

**Saint: Did we lose Aragorn again? (137)**

Me: Good going.

**Aragorn: Why are you always losing me? (138)**

Max: Because Saint's incompetent and should not be holding captives?

**Saint: How much is this house that's across the street from you guys? (139)**

Me: It sold. But there's one two houses down that's going for $140,000, I think… Really cheap for a house.

**Fang: Is the Hokey Pokey really what it's all about? (140)**

Max: No. The song is a lie.

Me: Yes. The song is the truth, the cake is a lie.

Neytiri: No. The song of truth is BURN BABIES BURNING!

**Saint: Is anyone secretly a pirate? (141)**

Me: Arrrrrrgh. Just wait a while, there is a pirate-themed chapter coming up…

**Fang: Matt, did you know Saint wants a recording of you saying 'eh' as a ringtone? (142)**

Me: …Eh?

**Saint: It'd be epic... Speaking of recordings, we ever gonna hear you sing, Matt? (143)**

Me: …I know Bell has, maybe Rain too… Maybe…

**Fang: Does Fnick's Witnesses have a Bible? (144)**

Me: Yeah, MR books 1-3.

**Saint: Or a Messiah? (145)**

Me: …That'd be Fang.

**Fang: What are our beliefs on creation? (146)**

Me: For Fnick so loved Max that he created the world or something or other when the meatball on top of the spaghetti rolled off the table when he sneezed.

**Saint: End of the World? (147)**

Me: When Max needs to save the world, she'll be too busy sleeping with Dylan to save it, so the world will end as a result of her sin.

Max: -glares-

**Fang: Do we have any daily rituals? (148)**

Me: Thou shalt always make fun of JP.

**Saint: Do we have any demons? (149)**

Me: Jeb, Dylan, Jeb, Dr. Hansen-Jansen, Jeb…

**Fang: Do you think we can bring this religion up at our next Bible Study? (150)**

Me: Oh, Jeb yeah.

**Saint: What do you think the Crazy Christians will say? (151)**

Me: They'll try to convert you.

**Fang: Did you hear that the new girl who works in the barn says that all****Catholics are wrong and are going to Hell? (152)**

Me: That's a new one.

**Saint: And she believes all fat people are going to Hell, too? (153)**

Me: There goes America…

**Fang: And that Saint and I want to work with her just so we can piss her off? (154)**

Me: …Max, why aren't you replying?

Max: You're better at this than me.

Me: …Alright, I gu… Hang on, did…

Max: Yep, Saint and Fang have now asked over 100 questions in one review. Congratulations, guys.

**Saint: Why do we ask 'did you know' when we know you don't know? (155)**

Me: …Huh?

**Fang: Do you think we ask it just to make it a question? (156)**

Max: You've asked enough…

**Saint: Do you think we've done enough now and should just shut up and go to bed? (157)**

Max: Please do…

**Fang: Matt, about our wedding in Canada that Vera and Dylan are doing, are we eloping or can I invite a couple people? (158)**

Me: Am I missing something?

**Saint: Neytiri? Knife? (159)**

Neytiri: -headshake-

**Fang: Did you know we had wontons the other day? (160)**

Me: …Sweet.

**Saint: Do they have krabrangoon in the Chinese Afterlife, too? (161)**

Me: Sure, why not?

**Fang: Do they serve Subway in Jeb? (162)**

Me: No, but you have to work there.

**Saint: It's 3:25 a.m. Do you think we should go to bed? (163)**

Me: Yep.

Max: Please do.

**Aragorn: So...I can leave now, right? (164)**

Max: He'll learn eventually…

Me: -yawns- We're up to how many pages now?

Max: 56.

Me: Damn. Moving on. "anonymous ha" has what may be the most awkward question ever…

**You're the most epic guy MR FF writer on here and have a kidnapped flock member. And Saint is the most epic girl MR FF writer on here and has a kidnapped flock member. So the 2 of you combined would make the most epic FF writer ever! So, my question is... Is there any chance that you and Saint could get together and do it so Saint could have your baby 'cuz it would grow up to be the most epic FF writer ever? Plus, than Max and Fang could get back together! (165)**

Max: …

Neytiri: …

Me: …Well, I'm conveniently talking to Saint on the phone right now. What say you, Saint?

Saint: Uh… Um… Ehh…

Me: This is exactly what she's saying, no lie.

Saint: Well I suppose I should come up with a response…

Me: Yes, you should, because I just answered a s#$%load of your questions and you owe me.

Saint: -is silent-

Me: -eyeroll- Her reaction the first time I read it to her was better.

Saint: Ooh, I found little arches in my Pokemon thingy.

Me: …Well, there's your answer, anonymous ha. Saint found arches in her Pokemon thingy.

Saint: Yeah, besides "WTF", that's the best I can do. I mean, what do you say to that? Why would you even ask that? Why?

Me: …Saint, you had your turn to ask questions. Moving on to...

* * *

**Me: Most. Awkward. Question. Ever.**

**Max: And you read it out loud to her on the phone?**

**Me: It was more fun that just reading a review with basically the same stuff being said.**

**Max: Good point. Gotta love your fail attempt at a cliffhanger there.**

**Me: -shrugs- You've gotta do what you've gotta do. Moving on...**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max_**


	34. Q & A Part 13, Vera, EHG, and More Caris

**Me: Alright, time to resolve the fail-cliffy.**

**Max: -eyeroll-

* * *

**

Me: ...Moving on to Vera!

**"the US Virgin Islands rise up and take over the world," ...you realize Caris lives in the US Virgin Islands, right? (166)**

Me: Yes, I do, that's kinda why I tossed it in there.

**Oh, and where it says "For Max: My Max wants to know if you'll agree that neither of you are the actual Max, nor are either of your Max II. She says - and I agree - that you two are Max I and Max I, while Wryder's Max is Max I."  
****Yeah, part of it got removed. Stupid FF.N.**

**What I was ACTUALLY saying was: For Max: My Max wants to know if you'll agree that neither of you are the actual Max, nor are either of you Max 2. She says - and I agree - that you two are Max 3 and Max 4, while Wryder's Max is Max 5. (167)**

Max: …I'm Max One, Uno, Negative-I-Squared, Two-Minus-One, Radical-One, The-Absolute-Value-Of-X-Minus-The-Absolute-Value-Of-X-Minus-One-When-X-Is-Not-Equal-To-Zero-One-Or-Negative-One, BIOTCH.

Me: …Next time, answer questions _before_ you do your math homework.

**To Matt: Do you have a diary? (168)**

Me: My Friday Updates! On dA are as close to a diary as I've ever had.

**If so, has Max read it yet? (169)**

Me: I do believe Max reads my Friday Updates!, yes.

**(To Max: Without him finding out you read it?) (170)**

Max: He knows.

**If not, why don't you have one? (171)**

Me: Can't be bothered doing a daily update. That's why I go with a weekly format.

**Or do you have a "journal"? (172)**

Me: …I think I've already answered this, in theory…

**Do you prefer... Pines trees, apple, or pineapples? (173)**

Me: Pineapples, got some growing in the backyard. (They don't grow on trees, by the way…)

**Coniferous or deciduous tree? (174)**

Me: Palm trees.

**Hearts or flowers? (175)**

Me: Stars.

**Pink or purple? (176)**

Me: Green.

**Day or night? (177)**

Me: Evening.

**Vampires or werewolves? (178)**

Me: Ghouls.

**Fairires or leprechauns? (179)**

Me: Elves.

**Griffins/Gryphons or phoenixes? (180)**

Me: Hippogriffs.

**Camelot or Atlantis? (181)**

Me: El Dorado.

**Andalties or Yeerks? (182)**

Me: Creatures from books I actually _have_ read.

**Brigid or Lissa? (183)**

Me: Dylan.

**Abyssinians or Persians? (184)**

Me: Trojans.

**Lions or tigers? (185)**

Me: Bears.

**Or bears? (185)**

Me: Packers.

**Fewer questions or more questions? (186)**

Me: No questions.

**D: Why? (187)**

Me: Because, if you haven't caught on yet, I'm making up my own answers.

**Incubi or succibi? (188)**

Me: I have a bad feeling about what these are, and I don't feel like turning to Google for confirmation…

**(Did you understand what I just said?) (189)**

Me: I honestly hope not.

**To Max: Is Matt's constant "eh eh eh"'ing annoying? (190)**

Max: No, because it stopped not long after these were sent in, months ago.

**Why? (191)**

Max: …See above.

**WHY WON'T ANY OF YOU TELL ME YOUR FREAKING MIDDLE NAME! (192)**

Max: Charging-Off.

**Oh, hey, is it Sally? I bet it's Sally. (193)**

Max: It's Charging-Off.

**Are my questions annoying? (194)**

Max: Very.

**Stop I stop asking questions? (195)**

Max: My answer doesn't matter, does it?

**Do you prefer... China or Japan? (196)**

Max: Korea.

**M-Geeks or Flyboys? (197)**

Max: Erasers.

**Pepsi or Coke? (198)**

Max: Dr. Pepper.

**Chocolate or chips? (199)**

Max: Vanilla.

**Did you catch the pun in my last question? (200)**

Max: That's 200 questions, and I wouldn't call that a pun, Vergasm.

**Can you solve a Rubik's cube? (201)**

Max: Who needs to? It's like Omega all over again…

**Can anyone you know solve a Rubik's cube? (202)**

Max: A couple people, actually…

**Have you read anything by JP, other than Maximum Ride? (203)**

Max: I don't even read MR, what's the point, I lived it….

**What was the point of you kidnapping Neytiri, again? (204)**

Max: …To prove I'm responsible so Matt doesn't loan me out to strangers when he's in Australia.

**Uh-huh. And how's that working for you? (205)**

Max: …I have a new roommate…?

Neytiri: -grins-

**To Lear: What would you say if I suddenly shouted "ROMEO, ROMEO, LET DOWN YOU HAIR!" (206)**

Me: It's 2:30 am, I will kill him if he's in here somewhere…

**Did you know Fang shouted that in "Poor Fang", a oneshot by moi? (207)**

Me: Nice to know…

**No? Why? (208)**

Me: …Uhh…

**Yes? YAY! (209)**

Me: …What just happened?

Max: No idea…

**To Stevo: What would you grab if you were a girl? (210)**

Me: …

Max: …

Me: …

Max: …

Me: … 'Tiri, knife.

Max: NOW.

**...DO NOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION. Get it? (211)**

Me: …Mind… Gone…

**Got it? (212)**

Max: Mental images… Never going to leave…

**Good. DON'T ANSWER IT.**

Me: …That was traumatizing. EdwardHydesGal101 is next up…

**For Max: Does Matt PMS more than you do? (213)**

Max: …Hang on, what? Is that even possible?

**Have you or Matt ever seen the movie Newsies, Zombieland, South Park Bigger Better Longer and Uncut? (214)**

Max: Nope.

Me: Nope.

**Have you ever watched South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, American Dad, or Futurama? (215)**

Me: All except _American Dad._

Max: Haven't seen _South Park_ or _American Dad._

**If so, do you like any of those? (216)**

Me: Not a fan of _South Park,_ but love the rest.

Max: …I could care less.

**If so, who's your favorite character out of all of them? (217)**

Me: The Evil Monkey.

Max: Me. They just haven't put me in yet.

Me: -eyeroll-

**What's your favorite band, T.V. Show, Movie, and song? (218)**

Me: Anberlin, _24, Inception/Avatar/Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World_, and too many to list here.

Max: Third Day, _Cake Boss,_ whatever they're gonna call the MR movie, and whatever the theme song for said movie is gonna be.

**Have you ever seen Willy Wonka with Gene Wilder? Have you seen the one with Johnny Depp? Which one do you like better? Did you know there's a musical version? My school did it, I was Mike Teavee! (219)**

Max: …That can't be one question…

Me: I've seen both, Gene Wilder's is much, much better, and I'm not surprised, especially since the movie itself was a musical…

**Do you like Pirates of the Caribbean? What's your favorite movie out of them? Who's your favorite character out of the movies? Do you think Keira Knightley is hot? Does Max think Johnny Depp is Hot? Or Orlando Bloom? (220)**

Max: …Again, that's not one question…

Me: What movie? The only Pirates of the Caribbean I know is the ride…

Max: -whacks-

Me: Alright, alright… -rubs head- Ow… Anyway, ride owns the movies, well, it did until they changed it. Now the movies are better. Original movie is by far the best, and you can't go wrong with Captain Jack. I could really care less about Miss Knightley, and Max could care less about the other characters, unless, of course, their name is Dylan.

Max: NOT TRUE.

**Are you guys are annoyed about all my questions? (221)**

Max: It's not just your questions…

**For Stevo: What would happen if I cut off your dick? (222)**

Me: Vera asked what is essentially the same question…

Max: We're up to 59 pages.

Me: Caris is next.

Max: Didn't we already deal with Claris?

Me: Caris, and maybe. There are so many questions, I don't remember.

**For Matt: Do you enjoy Special K cereal? (223)**

Me: Not really.

**What kind? (224)**

Me: …The kind that's Special K…?

**Have you ever been to Europe? (225)**

Me: Nope, but I should be hitting Spain this summer.

**Do you enjoy Ashlee Simpson's music? (226)**

Me: …Not really.

**What is your favorite Demi Lovato song? (Vi: I KNOW you have one.) (227)**

Me: Uh… That one song off her first album. (I know a grand total of two Demi Lovato songs, so… yeah.)

**What is your favorite Max Ride book? (228)**

Me: School's Out Forever, by far.

**Have you read the Alex Cross series? (229)**

Me: Nope.

**Do you plan on kidnapping Sampson? (230)**

Me: I'm gonna assume Sampson's from Alex Cross.

**Or Nana? (231)**

Me: Besides, we're full over here. No more captives.

**Or one of Alex's numerous girlfriends? (232)**

Me: …Microsoft Word, what in the hell is so wrong with that question that you need to go all squiggly-line on it?

**What about Gary Sonji? (233)**

Me: …I'm lost here.

**Would you stay in a room longer than a minute with a psycho killer if we paid you a dollar? (Vi: Jenna's got more. She's just hoarding it. Jenna: I'm not!) (234)**

Me: …Just one dollar? Hell no…

**Which psycho killer? (235)**

Me: Dr. Hansen-Jansen.

**What would you do if Daniel X showed up at your house and asked your sister out? (236)**

Me: I'd tell him to get the hell out of here, I only have room for one horribly written book character.

Max: …Hey!

**If he asked Max out? (237)**

Me: Same reaction.

**If he asked you out? (238)**

Me: I'd give him a kick to the nads.

**Have you ever been to the Caribbean? (239)**

Me: Yep, went on a cruise once.

**Do you plan on going? (240)**

Me: Definitely going back someday.

**Do you know that Jenna and Vi can't spell Caribbean without the help of spell-check? (241)**

Me: Me either…

**Do you think that's as pathetic as I do? (242)**

Me: Yeah…

**Um...do you own any striped clothing? (243)**

Me: Tons.

**What about polkadots? (Applies to Max as well)**

Me: …Not sure, I doubt it.

Max: Nope.

**For Max: Would you rather catch Fang with Iggy, Dylan, or Lissa? Please feel free to explain your answer in great detail, and remember to use a number two pencil! (Caris: That was Vi's question, not mine.) (244)**

Max: …I'd rather catch him with me, thank you very much.

**Would you rather dye your feathers Maid Maren purple or your hair? (Um...oddly enough, that was Jenna's.) (245)**

Max: …Hair.

**Have you ever eaten a blue waffle? Not BLUEBERRY, but blue. (Vi's, again.) (246)**

Max: No, I do not perform oral sex on 'Tiri.

**Do you think you could beat up Kit from When the Wind Blows? (247)**

Max: That pre-me book about me? Sure.

**What would you do if you encountered the "other flock"? (248)**

Max: Whoop some ass.

**Is Frannie also a mother figure to you? (249)**

Max: My mother figure is named Dr. M and she makes cookies.

**Am I the only one around here who's even freaking READ THAT BOOK? (From all three of us, naturally.) (250)**

Max: …Which three of us?

**Okay, and now Vi has a question for Fromo:**

**Vi: Dude. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR LAST NAME? Your mother could not have possibly been so cruel as to name you Fromo the Homo...right? (251)**

Me: Not gonna say it, but his initials are F. A. G. III. I swear. It's the truth.

Max: The kid's asking for it…

**And Jenna has a question for Stevo:**

**Jenna: Do you really believe that if you don't speak or do something in the next chapter other than fondle your penis, I WON'T track you down and beat you up? (252)**

Me: …I made a special 1-year anniversary chapter, and Stevo sung in it, but that chapter got lost somehow… Maybe some other time…

**For Lear: What the hell is YOUR last name? (253)**

Me: We have no idea…

**For 'Tiri: When the Apocalypse comes and the V.I. is on its way to victory against the rest of the unsuspecting world, will you join us? (254)**

Neytiri: -grabs knife- Heck yeah.

* * *

**Max: -yawns- This could take a while.**

**Me: Yeah, no way the other, non Q&A chaps will go up tonight.**

**Max: Finish posting these and hit the sack?**

**Me: Of course.**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max_**


	35. Q & A Part 14, Wry, WS101, & DohdieRide

**Me: And so we fight onward...**

**Max: -yawns- Must... Stay... Awake...

* * *

**

Me: On that note, here's Wryder.

**Have you ever gone camping? (255)**

Me: Yep.

Max: Does living in a cave count?

**Skiing? (256)**

Me: Fail water skiing, yes.

Max: Nope.

**Backpacking? (257)**

Me: …I think dragging about 50 pounds of books around campus all day counts, eh, Max?

Max: -nods-

**Do you like quiche? (258)**

Me: Hate it.

Max: -shrugs- It's food.

**What would you do if my Max (who is loose and insane) found you? (259)**

Max: …Dammit, Max II's back. I'll go get the shovel.

**Max, what would YOU do? (260)**

Me: …Oh, wait, that was for me? Oh, well, we know what she'd do, I'd just call Max to go get the shovel.

**Have you a Wii? (261)**

Me: Yeppers peppers!

Max: I thought I told you not to say that…

**What color is your hair? (262)**

Me: Brown.

Max: Good question…

**Have you ever had pizza bagels? They're nomnomnomnom. (263)**

Me: Bagel Bites, EPIC.

**Have you played Sims?**

Me: Nope.

Max: Nope.

Neytiri: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!

**Have you ever, while playing Sims 2, had a party. In the middle of winter for your neighbors to try and thaw your characters who are frozen in their hot tub? (264)**

Me: …

Max: …

Me: …

Max: …What the hell, 'Tiri?

**Did it not work? (265)**

Neytiri: -shrugs- I was boredededed.

**When summer came, did you discover a baby that was under the snow all winter, left there during the party in the middle of winter? (266)**

Me: …Dammit, we need to stop getting distracted from the questions…

**And were your characters still frozen? (267)**

Max: …Whose characters?

**Have you played Skip Bo? (268)**

Me: …Who what?

Max: I'd say that's a no.

**How about Mao? (269)**

Me: …He was Chinese, right?

Max: -eyeroll-

**Do you own a bike? (270)**

Me: Yep.

**Were you shocked with the twist in Phoenix's story, _Diary of a Lovesick Mutant_? (271)**

Me: Don't read it.

**Do you speak to ghosts in your sleep? (272)**

Me: Nope.

**Do you own a parakeet? (273)**

Me: My sister does. It's defective.

**Parrot? (274)**

Me: Nope.

**Have you played any of the_ Paper Mario_ games? (275)**

Me: Nope.

**Do you have a cat? (276)**

Me: Nope.

**Are you secretly gay? (277)**

Me: Nope.

**Do you own hooker heels? (278)**

Me: Nope.

Max: Can you say anything other than 'nope'?

Me: Nope.

**Ninjas or pirates? (279)**

Me: Pirates.

**Ninjas or dinosaurs? (280)**

Me: Dinos.

**Dinos or pirates? (281)**

Me: Pirates.

Max: I'm not answering, because I just generally don't feel like it.

**Kara or M.G? (282)**

Me: Whoever has less weapons and is farther away at the time.

**Mack or Kara? (283)**

Me: Kara.

**The Mafia or Kara? (284)**

Me: The Mafia, I have family members who were in it.

**McDonald's or Wendy's? (285)**

Me: Anything but McMoney's.

**Bacon or- Wait. That's a stupid question. (286)**

Me: Yep, despise bacon. Definitely anything other than that.

**Do you have a girlf- Ha. Another stupid question. (287)**

Me: Yep, single, no girlfriend, probably none for many years to come. Now, on to WinterSky101…

**For Max: Do you like Taylor Swift? (288)**

Max: Not really.

**For Matt: Do YOU like Taylor Swift? (289)**

Me: Nope.

**For 'Tiri: Have you listened to Taylor Swift? (290)**

Neytiri: I heard the Man-Log Song.

Max: Monologue…

**For Max: Are you wondering why I'm talking about Taylor Swift? (291)**

Max: You're listening to her?

**For Matt: Did you know I was just listening to Taylor Swift? (292)**

Me: Guessed.

**For 'Tiri: Did you know that you are my FAVE CHARACTER from Avatar? (293)**

Neytiri: -grins-

Max: 'Tiri, don't take too much credit, there weren't many characters to begin with.

**For Max: Did you know I kidnapped another Iggy? (294)**

Max: …How many are there?

**For Matt: Have you experimented with your sexuality using Fromo and Lear? (295)**

Me: …No comment.

**For 'Tiri: Have you and Jake had sex yet? (296)**

Neytiri: …

Max: Did you even watch the movie?

**For Max: ...Should I stop asking questions? (297)**

Max: Sure, why not?

**For Matt: Should I totally disregard Max's answer? (298)**

Me: …Yes, you should.

**For 'Tiri: Just for you, I'll keep asking questions. How does that make you feel? (299)**

Neytiri: Like I'm burning babies burning!

Max: 'Tiri, find a new song, please.

**For Max: Do you know why I'm asking you a question, then Matt, then 'Tiri? (300)**

Max: Because you… Damn, 300 questions.

**For Matt: What is your favorite song EVER? (301)**

Me: I think we've already covered this, don't have one.

**For 'Tiri: Do you like being with Max and Matt? Wait, that sounds wrong... (302)**

Neytiri: They're warm.

Max: Cool, 'Tiri, cool.

Neytiri: That too.

**For Max: Do you take things Fang says sexually? (303)**

Max: Occasionally. Now Iggy is a totally different story…

**For Matt: Are you going to try and get in Bell's pants, metaphorically? You didn't answer. (304)**

Me: Not anymore, I'm not…

Max: But he wanted to.

Me: …Your point being…?

**For 'Tiri: Do you know a lot more sex jokes after staying with Matt & Max? (305)**

Neytiri: What's a sex joke?

Max: …Pretty much everything we say.

**For Max: Do you want me to stop now? (306)**

Max: Yes…

**For Matt: Do YOU want me to stop now? (307)**

Me: Yes…

**For 'Tiri: Do YOU want me to stop now? (308)**

Neytiri: No… But you know what else I want?

Max: …What?

Neytiri: I want you to BE IT! BE IT! NO ONE WANTS TO BE A PHOENIX!

Max: …Neytiri, please don't sing Michael Jackson either…

**For Max: I didn't stop. Are you mad? (309)**

Max: …You put two spaces after the end of a sentence, why?

**For Matt: If I asked to see Fromo and Lear, what would be your first thought? (310)**

Me: They can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message and they'll be with you shortly.

**For 'Tiri: Did you like that other guy you were supposed to get with? Yah know, the one in your tribe who was gonna be the next leader or something... (311)**

Neytiri: Not really.

**For Max: What would you do if I told you that Fang proposed to you, but you never found out? (312)**

Max: I'd have to kill you, then Fang, then Dylan.

**For Matt: Can I meet Fromo and Lear? (313)**

Me: I'm not stopping you…

**For 'Tiri: What do you think of the OCs? (314)**

Neytiri: The who whats?

**For Max: Do you want the ring Fang proposed to you with? (315)**

Max: …Yes…

**For Matt: Can you steal one of Max's Fang plushies and send it to me? (316)**

Me: No problem. -grabs plushie-

**For 'Tiri: What religion is the Ewya thing? (317)**

Neytiri: …Eywism?

**For Max: If Jeb is hell and Fnick is god, what's the rest of the flock? (318)**

Max: Minor deities.

**For Matt: Are you happy that I'm ending the questions? (319)**

Me: Less work for me…**For 'Tiri: Are you sad I'm ending the questions, are you happy I sent in a lot of questions, or are you feeling happy and sad AT THE SAME TIME? (320)**

Neytiri: I'm BLUE!

Me: …Alright, Neytiri, you're blue. DohdieRide's next.

**For Matt: What have you done with Max that you haven't done with Neytiri? (321)**

Me: …Just saying, my computer will send red squiggly lines to kill me if I type "Neytiri" too many more times…

**What have you done with 'Tiri that you haven't done with Max? (322)**

Max: Why'd you completely ignore that last question?

Me: Because the obvious answer is sexual, and I don't want to answer questions sexually at the moment.

**For Max: what have you done with 'Tiri that you haven't done with Matt? (323)**

Max: …You can do that? Just ignore questions?

Me: I can, I'm the author. You can't, you're the captive.

Max: …So I have to answer this?

Me: Yeah.

Max: …Why should I?

Me: 'Cuz I said so.

Max: …Alright. NO COMMENT.

Me: …You're no fun.

**Are either of you taking these questions sexually? (324)**

Me: Clearly.

**For Neytiri: Did you understand those previous questions? (325)**

Neytiri: -nods-

**Do you have any fang plushies left? Can I have one if you do? (326)**

Me: How many plushie requests have we gotten?

Max: Quite a few…

**I need it to finish off my collection! I mean, sure, I can make it like the other ones, but the fact that Max made it just makes it more... Magical! But I do love my other plushies! Especially the max one -huggles Max plushie- Max, are you creeped out? (327)**

Max: At this point, it'll take a damn lot to creep me out…

**What about now? -takes out mMx drawing and adds it to the shrine- I don't love you, though. It's just that you're here, and it's fun creeping you out... (328)**

Max: Still no creepy.

**Soo... Matt... -takes out matt plushie- are you creeped out? (329)**

Me: Not really… Now, if you have a Stevo plushie…

**Max - What would you do if I killed Fangles? (330)**

Me: She'd thank you for making her Screw Dylan/Not Screw Dylan decision that much easier.

Max: HEY! Not true.

Me: Fine. She'd kill you, then she'd screw Dylan.

Max: -glares-

**Neytiri - What would you do if I killed Jake? (331)**

Neytiri: -points to knife- -grins evilly-

**Matt - Who's Bell? Do you love her? What would you do if I killed her? (332)**

Me: Aussie FF writer, yeah, and probably something violent, but not as violent as what I would have done a few months ago.

**Do you like glee? (333)**

Me: No, I hate it. It exploits artists for the greedy purposes of the major record labels. And it's stupid.

**Neytiri - How long is your sword? (334)**

Neytiri: Knife, and it's forearm-length.

**Fromo - Have you ever had wild fantasies about matt? Have you ever fulfilled them? (335)**

Me: …So glad he's not here to answer this, the second part is a big NO though…

**Lear - Same question. (336)**

Me: Same answer.

**BillyBob - What's your favorite song? (337)**

Me: What's that, BillyBob? You love all music? Of course you do!

**Max - do you only hate BillyBob 'cuz you love him? Can you still feel the air****bruises? Do you only hate Matt 'cuz you love him? (338)**

Max: …I refuse to answer these questions.

Me: You can't do that.

Max: Alright. BILLYBOB ISN'T REAL!

Me: …You hurt his feelings.

Max: -facepalm-

**Matt - Do you only hate Fromo 'cuz you love him? What about Lear? (339)**

Me: I don't hate them…

**'Tiri - can I have a go on your bird thing? Why don't you use that bird thing to escape? Why don't people notice you when you're walking down the street? (340)**

Neytiri: I don't have my Ikran here, so that answers the first two questions. And nobody just walks down the street in Florida, that's a death wish.

**Have you done free hugs? (341)**

Me: This will be answered in the next legit MM&aDK chapter… Just wait for it…

**Matt - Do you have AIDS? Have you given Bell AIDS? Isn't that mean? I thought you loved her! (342)**

Me: …No, no, and is giving people AIDS a good thing now?

**Is this enough questions? (343)**

Max: None is more than enough.

**Are you starting to feel uncomfortable? (344)**

Max: …Nope.

Me: …I am, these pants are kinda small on me…

**Are Lear and Fromo having sexy time? (345)**

Me: I hope not.

**What about Matt & Max? (346)**

Me: …

Max: …HELL NO.

**Is it disgusting to watch? (347)**

Neytiri: Very.

**Are you and Max married, Matt? (348)**

Me: No, pfffft, where do you get that idea…?

**Why is it Matt and not just Mat? (349)**

Me: Because I said so.

**Isn't Mat a bit boring? (350)**

Me: Seeing as it's a rug, yes, I'd say so.

**Do you think Sophie's boring? (351)**

Me: Nahh…

**Do you know a Sophie? (352)**

Me: Nope…

**What do you smell right now? (353)**

Me: …Air…?

**Matt & Max - Have you ever done an all-nighter? (354)**

Me: Yep.

Max: Yep.

**Together? (355)**

Me: Nope.

Max: -headshake-

**Are you creeped out? (355)**

Max: Still not.

**What time is it there? I'm doing this at 1:29 in the morning. I'm not tired. (356)**

Me: 10:45 PM at the moment.

Max: If you're paying attention, it was 2 AM a few questions ago. You think we did this whole thing in one day?

**Have you ever had KX? (357)**

Me: …What?

**Is there a Tesco near you? (358)**

Me: …Is that a strip club? It sounds like a strip club…

**Is there an Asda near you? (359)**

Me: That sounds like a Swedish strip club…

**Is this enough questions? (360)**

Max: Yes, it is…

**How many chapters will this fill? (361)**

Me: God only knows…

**Am I annoying? (362)**

Max: …I thought you were done!

**Have you ever been to England? (363)**

Me: Nope.

Max: Yep.

**Do you ever want to go? (Again?) (364)**

Me: Yeah, I'd like to visit.

Max: Probably not.

**Why? It's disgusting. (365)**

Me: Historical purposes.

**Max - Do you wear makeup? Why? (366)**

Max: Not really, it's pointless…

**Why do Canadians go eh? (367)**

Me: Ask M.G…

**Are all Americans fat? (368)**

Me: Are you fat, Max?

Max: No. Are you?

Me: No. That proves that all Americans aren't fat…

**Are the rest scrawny? (369)**

Me: Nope…

**How many people you know have real feathers? (370)**

Me: -points to Max-

**Is it magical? (371)**

Me: …Is what magical?

**Umm... Will you actually post any of these? (372)**

Me: I post every question we answer.

Max: Unfortunately.

* * *

**Max: How long is this going to take?**

**Me: Hopefully, not too much longer...**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max_**


	36. Q & A Part 15, More V, Noel, & Then Some

**Me: We're over halfway there!**

**Max: Good... I want to sleep...

* * *

**

Me: More Vera coming right up.

Max: …Grilled Cheesus Chrust, does she ever stop?

**For Matt: Eh? (373)**

Me: Eh.

**Eh eh eh? (374)**

Me: Eh, eh eh, ehhhhh… Eh!

**Eh! What color is your shirt right now? (375)**

Me: White.

**What about your pants? (376)**

Me: Khaki.

**Your eyes? (377)**

Me: Brown.

**Have you ever been forced to have your nail painted? (378)**

Me: Which one?

**If so, what color? (379)**

Me: You see, that depends on the nail.

**Who painted 'em? (380)**

Me: …Them? Is it more than one nail now?

**Why? (381)**

Me: Why what?

**How much did you fight back? (382)**

Me: …Against what?

**Or did you allow them to paint your nails? (383)**

Me: Who's them?

Max: How you manage to get out of those questions, I'll never understand.

**Repeat the last six questions, but with makeup instead of nail polish. (384)**

Me: …Where was nail polish mentioned in the last six questions?

**When was a last time you sharpened a pencil? (385)**

Me: Not sure.

**Do you know where that pencil is now? (386)**

Me: Probably at school.

**When was the last time you used that pencil? (387)**

Me: Probably soon after I sharpened it.

**Are my questions random? (388)**

Me: Vera, _you're_ random.

**Do you want me to stop asking questions now? (389)**

Me: Please.

**Too bad. ¿Me permite meter un mono en tú pantalones? (390)**

Me: …No se. ¿Como tú puedes?

**Can you believe my questions are over? (391)**

Me: …Not really. You didn't ask Max anything.

**Are you sad? (392)**

Me: Not really.

**Mad? (393)**

Me: Not really.

**Glad? (394)**

Me: More apathetic.

**Feeling bad? (395)**

Me: Nope.

**Saying "Egad!"? (396)**

Me: Does anyone?

**Thinking my rhyming's bad? (397)**

Me: It is…

**Wondering if I'm saying "Too bad!"? (398)**

Me: You're just trying to rhyme now, aren't you?

**Or are you wondering if I'm wearing plaid? (399)**

Me: …Well, I am now, I guess. Now up to the plate, Noel of Randomness.

**Noel: If you mated a bulldog and a shih tzu, would it be called a bullx#$%? (400)**

Me: No, but if a bull took a s#$%, that'd be called a bull#$%.

**Noel: Matt, would you rather spend life in prison or be executed? (401)**

Me: Life in prison, you can't break out of death.

**Noel: Do you dance like crazy when no one is looking? (402)**

Me: I dance crazy all the time.

**Noel: Do you have any phobias? Care to explain? (403)**

Me: Falling/big drops. For logical self-preservation reasons.

**Eva: Bagels or donuts? (404)**

Me: Bagels.

Max: Donuts.

Me: Look who's back.

Max: I felt like disagreeing with you on that one.

Me: … -eyeroll-

**Noel: Donuts or bagels? (405)**

Me: Donuts.

Max: Bagels.

**Noel: If I told you that someone in the room was gay, who would you think it'd be? (406)**

Me: Max.

Max: Matt.

**Noel: Max, have you ever tried to kill Matt in his sleep? (407)**

Max: Nope.

**Eva: What is the craziest thing you've ever done? (408)**

Me: Kidnapped a mutant.

Max: Kidnapped an alien.

**Noel: How do you plan to escape if you aren't using violence? (409)**

Max: Using mainly spoons, I'm going to tunnel under the city…

**Noel: Has Fromo ever raped you? (410)**

Max: …

Me: …

Max: …

Me: …No.

**Noel: Do you like waffle? (411)**

Max: …Not waffles?

**Eva: Waffle singular? (412)**

Max: …A waffle, or just waffle?

**Noel: -ignores- So, do you watch Tosh.0? (413)**

Me: Nope.

Max: Yes.

Me: No you don't.

Max: True, but I like disagreeing.

**Noel: What comes to mind when I say blue? (414)**

Me: -points to 'Tiri-

**Noel: When I say potato, you say... (415)**

Me: Salad.

**Noel: Stevo, would you be able to tell if someone glued your hand to your dick, 'cause you are never not grabbing it anyway. (416)**

Me: Stevo can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message and he'll get back to you.

**Noel: Fromo, do you like playing with small children? (417)**

Me: Fromo can't come to the phone right now…

Max: -eyeroll-

**Eva: Max, what would you say if I told you Fang was a playa' who dated multiple redheads behind your back? (418)**

Max: I'd rip his balls off.

Neytiri: Fangles is a play-uh!

Me: High four, 'Tiri! -high fours 'Tiri-

**Eva: What would you do I told you that one of them was Noel? (419)**

Max: …Must… Castrate… Fnick…

**Noel: -ignores- Max, I know you preen your hair but do you preen your feathers? (420)**

Max: …Hey, look, question 420. Who's got the weed?

**Noel: Those evil scientists cut you up often, will you check to see if you had a crop or gizzard next time they operate on you? Please! (421)**

Max: …I'll be sure to ask.

**Noel: Matt, will you smack Max for me to prove my point? (422)**

Me: -slaps Max-

Max: -slaps Matt-

**Noel: Have you ever found a Matt plushie? (423)**

Me: -whacks Max-

Max: -whacks Matt-

**Noel: Matt, can I start referring to you as the Damn Floridian even if I am a Floridian myself? (424)**

Me: -tackles Max-

Max: -fights back-

**Noel: Only one more question! Are you excited? (425)**

Me: -twists Max's wing-

Max: -pulls Matt's hair-

**Noel: Jake? (426)**

Neytiri: -grabs popcorn to watch the fight- I'll take over. Here's YourBooksAreMyDrug!

**For Max: How far would you go to get Fang back (Post-FANG but pre-kidnapping)? (427)**

Neytiri: That's not possible, she was kidnapped pre-FANG.

**Who are you most annoyed at right now? (428)**

Neytiri: Well, she's wrestling Matt, so that's a safe bet.

**Why? (429)**

Neytiri: -points at recent question-

**Who are you least annoyed at right now? (430)**

Neytiri: Probably me, because I'm cool like that.

**What would happen if you kissed that person? Would it be awkward? Or would you love it? (431)**

Neytiri: …Next question.

**For Matt: When will the (432)**

Neytiri: …Next question.

**What chores do you have to do? (433)**

Neytiri: He doesn't do them, anyway, so it doesn't matter

**Does Max help you with them? (434)**

Neytiri: Nope.

**Will she now? (435)**

Neytiri: Probably not.

**Don't you hate mosquitos? They are my least favorite part of Florida. I take the trek (In a car! Gah!) every year from the thumb of Michigan( I just love saying "the thumb" when referring to that peninsula) to see my cousins. Do you even remember my question anymore? (436)**

Neytiri: Everyone hates mosquitoes.

**I bet you just looked back to see what my question was. Will you answer it ****now? (437)**

Neytiri: …Next question.

**Do you and Max ever go the beach? If so, does she wear a bikini? If so, does Fang get jealous? If so, does he ever go off to his emo corner? If so, do these "if so" questions bother you? They're even starting to bother me, and I wrote them! (438)**

Neytiri: Yes, they do, yes, she does, and I have no idea about the Fang stuff. And… -shrugs-

**Do you find it weird that you don't find it weird that you say fnicking all the time? (439)**

Neytiri: …Can you repeat that, in Na'vi this time?

**Does Fang think it's weird that you say fnicking all the time? (440)**

Neytiri: -shrugs-

**Have you read Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by PhoenixFanatic? (441)**

Neytiri: Nope, I know nobody in this room has.

**For Neytiri: How will Jake react when you come back tainted with the horrible effects of this degrading culture? (442)**

Neytiri: …Hmm… -ponders question-

**How can people tell when you roll your eyes? (443)**

Neytiri: -keeps thinking-

**Is your back hurting from bending over so much? (444)**

Neytiri: Hmm… That's a good question… How _will_ he react…?

**What's your favorite scene of the movie Avatar? (you can't be in it.) (445)**

Neytiri: …Maybe he'd… No… -thinks more-

**What is the most perverted thing you have ever done? (446)**

Neytiri: …Ah, I give up. …And I'm not gonna answer that… Nathalie Cullen-Black's up now.

**To Max: Do you like bacon? Do you LOVE Matt? What about Fromo? Lear? 'Tiri? (447)**

Neytiri: …Maybe I should break up the fight now…

**To Matt: ALL HAIL MATTHIAS! Do you LOVE Max? Neytiri? Would you be gay for Fromo? What about Lear? Fang? Iggy? (448)**

Neytiri: Nah, not yet…

**To Neytiri: JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! Do you miss Jake? If he's dead, would you go for Matt? Have you tried the joy of bacon? (449)**

Neytiri: …Alright, maybe I will. –goes to break up fight-

* * *

**Max: One more?**

**Me: Maybe two, but we're close.**

**Max: Good... So... Tired...**

_**Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max**_


	37. Q & A Part 16, Everybody Else

**Max: Is this the last one?**

**Me: Hopefully... I think so...

* * *

**

Me: -pulls feathers out of hair-

Max: -goes to grab a shirt that hasn't been torn to shreds-

Me: …Out of context, it sounds like we just had sex…

Neytiri: …Anyway, megamanfangirl is up.

**For Max: Are you emo? (450)**

Max: No.

Me: But my friend called a stick-figure version of Max an "emo angel"…

**Like Fang? (451)**

Max: Fang's the only emo angel.

**Or is it different? (452)**

Max: …Your train of thought is on a different track than mine.

**You do know it's not a tattoo, right? (453)**

Max: …What is?

**If you had to pick between Matt or Jeb who would win? (454)**

Max: Matt…

**Is it fun being hit by an old lady with a bible? (455)**

Max: …Are these from chapter 2?

Me: …I think so… Someone came late to the party…

**For Matt: Did I spell your name right? (456)**

Me: It's not hard…

**Can you guess my name? (457)**

Me: It starts with a letter and ends with a letter?

**Did you know I'm a major Narutard? (458)**

Me: I do now.

**And a Megaman fan? (459)**

Me: I got that from the screenname…

**Who also loves the Akatsuki? (460)**

Me: …The who what huh?

**Do you know what I'm talking about? (451)**

Me: No idea at all.

**Do you loooooove Max as much as I love Deidara? Which is a lot by the way. (452)**

Me: …Not likely.

**Why is there a dog kennel in your pocket? (453)**

Me: …Convenience.

**Will I ever stop? (454)**

Me: Hopefully.

**Will my friends ever give pixie stix again? (455)**

Me: …They'd better.

**Do you mind if one question is slightly inappropriate? (456)**

Me: …You're new to this, aren't you?

**How do you spell inappropriate? (457)**

Me: The way I just corrected it to.

**If a quiz is quizzical? (458)**

Me: Then the question is unfinished.

**Are you wondering why that question is incomplete? (459)**

Me: It's some lame joke, isn't it?

**(continuation of unfinished question) Than what is a test? (460)**

Me: A more difficult and more heavily weighted quiz.

Max: We're almost done…

Me: Praise Grilled Cheesus. Here's bananaflakes…

**Did you know I captured Gazzy? (461)**

Me: We do now.

**Do you know anyone else who's captured Gazzy? (462)**

Me: Nope.

Max: But we've had some reviewers who have.

**Did you know I live in Florida too? (463)**

Me: We do now.

Max: You're not alone.

**What is your opinion on Fangalicious(Fergalicious Fang version)? (464)**

Me: Kinda catchy.

Max: -nods-

**What's your favorite song? (465)**

Me: Alright, this is at least the third time I've had to answer this…

**Band? (466)**

Me: Anberlin.

Max: Third Day.

**Fruit? (467)**

Me: Either oranges or guavas.

Max: Ditto.

**Color? (468)**

Me: Red.

Max: Blue.

**Flock Member? (469)**

Me: Depends.

Max: Me.

**Weapon? (470)**

Me: Art.

Max: My fists.

**Gazzy: Can I ask some questions? (471)**

Me: Go right ahead, Gasmaster.

**Gazzy: How the hell do I escape? (472)**

Max: Does it look like I know?

**Gazzy: 'Tiri- How do you like Earth? (473)**

Neytiri: It's chilly…

**Would you cry if I told you Banana doesn't like Avatar? (474)**

Neytiri: No…

**Banana: 'Tiri- What would you do if I told you I was secretly screwing Jake? (475)**

Neytiri: -points to knife- -grins evilly-

**Max- What would you do if I told you Gazzy was in love with you? (476)**

Max: Severe creep-outage.

**What would you do if I told you that last question was a lie? (477)**

Max: Questions can lie?

**Matt- Why do you take everything sexually? (478)**

Me: I don't take _everything_ sexually…

Max: Do you know when the second coming of Jesus is?

Me: …heheheheh…

Max: THE END IS NEAR!

Me: Here's Iggyz girl 4 life…

**Iggyz Girl-Max can punch Fromo? (479)**

Max: …Yes, I can…

**Iggy- Max can I also punch him? (480)**

Max: If you can find him.

Me: …That was quick. Here's Lilac Rose6.

**Lilac: Can we ask some questions? (481)**

Max: …If I say no, will you not ask anything?

**Iggy: Max, what would you do if I took your Fang plushie? (482)**

Max: …Wait, another Iggy?

Me: He gets around…

**Lilac: For Matt: If I ate your shoes, what would happen? (483)**

Me: I'd need new shoes.

**Iggy: What's your favorite color? (484)**

Max: Didn't we just answer this?

**Lilac: Really? (485)**

Me: Yes, really.

**Lilac: Oh, and Tiri? Where's Jake? (486)**

Neytiri: -shrugs-

Max: THREE TO GO!

Me: Alright, let's see if we'll break 500. Wings of Darkness or Blackness, you're up!

**Matt, if you keep saying that you 'did it' with Max, does that mean you want it to happen, or are you being slightly self obsessed and are thinking that's what she'd do? (487)**

Me: …Hang on, what?

Max: …Yeah, that made no sense to me either…

Me: …Well, that's all they asked. On to FlyingSolo365.

**1) I forgot to review chapter one.**

**2) I forgot to write out the questions.**

**Works out nicely, don't it? (488)**

Max: …I guess…

**For Max: What base have you gotten to? (489)**

Me: She and Fang got all the way to fourth base.

Max: -facepalm-

**How about with Matt? (490)**

Max: …The dugout.

Me: Yep, we made it all the way around the bases and kept going!

Max: -headdesk-

**How mad would you be at Matt if he tickled you right now? (491)**

Max: Don't. You. Dare. Tickle. Me.

**What about if Fang tickled you? (492)**

Me: That depends where, heheheh….

Max: -eyeroll-

**What color is your backpack? (493)**

Max: Black.

**Do you approve of geeks? (494)**

Max: Only if they're not M-Geeks.

Me: ON TO THE FINAL SET!

Max: Thanks be to God.

Me: Finishing this off is The Meddler, who asks:

**What do you think about Maximum Ride ending in 2012? (495)**

Me: It proves the Mayan theory. Clearly, she'll fail to save the world, resulting in the apocalypse. Good job, Max.

Max: -eyeroll-

**Do you think it's your fault because you're keeping Max here when she should be out saving the world? (496)**

Me: Nah, the Mayans predicted the end of the world, releasing her now won't do anything.

Max: …Gee, thanks.

Me: Anytime. And… WE'RE DONE!

Max: Our backlog of questions has been answered!

Me: Awesome. And we didn't even break 500…

Max: We'll have a backlog again in about 24 hours, won't we?

Me: Most likely.

Max: …Damn.

Me: …WAIT! DON'T SEND IN QUESTIONS YET!

Max: …That won't work.

Me: Yes, it should. I'm gonna try something new for the next Q&A, so hold off on the questions until after we get through that, alright?

Max: Let's hope they do…

Me: On that note, we're done here. Got a new chapter and a Hunger Games-thing update coming ASAP for you guys, so stay tuned!

Max: 'Tiri, any last NON-QUESTION RELATED words?

Neytiri: BURN BABIES BURNING!

Max: …-facepalm-

Me: Alright, see ya!

Neytiri: WAIT!

Max: …What is it?

Neytiri: -points to email-

Me: … -facepalm- Dammit, Vera, really?

Max: …Did she really just send in four questions so we'll break 500?

Me: -sigh- Alright, V, here you go…

**What's your opinion on Paramore? (497)**

Me: I've lost all respect for them, now that it's 110% clear that they're not Paramore, but Hayley Williams and the Paramores. Major label whores, I have no tolerance for that.

**What's your fave song at the moment? (498)**

Me: …Alright, this is what, the fifth time?

Max: But she specified right now.

Me: …Good point. "I Remember" by deadmau5 and Kaskade.

**What's your fave color? (499)**

Me: … -facepalm-

**Do you hate me, Brittany? (500)**

Me: …Who's Brittany?

Max: -eyeroll- Alright, we're done now.

Me: Happy, V?

Max: Alright, I'm closing the document before anyone else sends in questions. Bye.

* * *

**Max: FINALLY.**

**Me: Alright, we're out. We'll hopefully have a new 101 EASY STEPS chapter and an update on the Hunger Games thingy within the next 6 months! -grins-**

**Max: -eyeroll-**

**Me: Yeah, sorry about being so damn slow to update. I've been beyond busy, I've been working on this in chunks over a few weeks. That being said, hopefully things will get more frequent.**

**Max: Can I go to bed now?**

**Me: Sure, I'm done here. See ya!**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max_**


	38. The End

**Alright, so you may have noticed a huge decline in update frequency. For some stories, it's a complete and total stoppage.**

**Yeah, I noticed too. And there are reasons for each case, but I'm not gonna get into those. I'm gonna keep this simple.**

**The other day, I was talking to Saint about FF. More specifically, how I hated doing tons of Q&A chaps for MM&aDK, didn't know where LL was going, couldn't get any inspiration to continue STW?, etc. And then, of course, she asked the million-dollar question:**

_Saint: ...Here's my question...Do you enjoy writing FF?_

**Well, I thought about that for a bit, and (as you've probably guessed by now), I realized the answer is no. Not anymore. It's become more of a hassle, it's just not as fun anymore. That phase of my life has passed.**

**Since I've been dealing with depression and other fun stuff like that, the less hassles I have, the better. So, well, I'm not gonna write FF anymore. Plain and simple.**

**Now, I don't know if I'm done for good. I have plenty of ideas, I just don't have the inspiration or motivation to bring them into fruition. Maybe I'll start writing again someday, but for now, I'm done.**

**And now, so this doesn't make you depressed, here's a joke:**

**Why was six afraid of seven?**

**It wasn't. Numbers are inanimate objects and are as such incapable of feeling fear.**

**Heheheh...**

**Alright, that'll do it. Thanks for sticking with my craziness for so long, everyone. See ya.**


	39. Get Ready

**GET READY.**

**IT'S NOT OVER 'TIL THE FAT LADY SINGS.**

**WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A FAT LADY.**

**GET READY ANYWAY.**

**6-21-11**


	40. We're Back, with News and Announcements

Me: So, how many of you were hoping for a big new update? Huh? We're back and all that?

Max: Well, if you wanted it… Maybe we'll let you have it. Maaaayyybbbeeeee.

Me: Do you want us back full-time? New chapters and all that?

Max: Because if you do… TOO BAD!

The end.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

(You all know the dots mean there's more to come, so I'm not sure why I even did this. Meh.)

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Me: Nah, just kidding. We're back!*

(*For the foreseeable future)

Max: Asterisk?

Me: -shrugs- Better safe than sorry.

Max: Whatever. Anyway, just what exactly do you have in store for these crazy fans of ours?

Me: Uh… To be honest, I have no idea.

Max: …You've had two months to think about it since posting that first message… And you don't know?

Me: …Yep!

Max: Goddamn…

Me: Heh. Actually, I do have a few things!

Max: Oh, good, I thought this would be a total waste.

Me: First! We're doing a ton of traveling this summer, we've already been to DC and Chicago. We've got New York, Boston, and a potential get-together with a certain author known as Saint… You know her, right?

Max: The one you're supposed to get pregnant?

Me: …...Yeah. Speaking of Q&A, an announcement regarding that.

Max: Ooooh. New rules?

Me: Yeah. From now on, there will be no more Q&As.

Max: F#$% YES!

Neytiri: Damn.

Me: Oh, there you are, 'Tiri. Anyway, I wasn't done. From now on, WE'LL be asking YOU questions, and the best and/or most creative answers will be mentioned in the following chapter! This makes it a lot easier for us, a lot more fun for you, and… STEVO!

Stevo: -grabs dick-

Max: -facepalm-

Me: Alright, moving on. As I was saying before, we're doing a lot of travelling, so we'll get caught up with Tales of Faraway Lands Where It Actually Snows later.

Max: Cool. Literally.

Neytiri: -whacks- No bad puns.

Max: Ow…

Me: Oh, another new rule, 'Tiri whacks us whenever we make a bad pun.

Neytiri: -nods-

Me: Anyway, let's see… We've got Q&A covered… Will be writing chaps about previous travels in the future… What else…

Max: -coughCOMICcough-

Me: Right! Because I'm better at art than at writing, I'm going to try to gradually shift MM&aDK away from literary form here on FanFiction over to short comics on my deviantArt page! (NotMatthias)

Max: …Yay?

Me: I was planning on having a few ready… But that didn't work out. Anyway, they'll be up at some point, and they'll be focusing on 'Tiri.

Neytiri: Hell yeah! –whacks Max for no good reason-

Me: Yeah, it'll be called "Life With 'Tiri" and the comics will be short stories (like, 4 panels) about, well, life with 'Tiri.

Max: And her whacking obsession.

Neytiri: -whacks-

Me: But don't worry, MM&aDK will still be here to provide you with your longass chapters of random stuff and Q&As and Stevo's dick-grabbing.

Stevo: -grabs dick-

Me: Like that.

Max: Whoop-de-doo. What else is in store?

Me: Now here's the part you guys are gonna be most involved in. I'm starting two contests, and, unlike other contests run by some friends of mine via FF.n, this should actually work…

Max: Oh really?

Me: Yeah, because they're really simple. The first one is called "Create Your Own Adventure!"

Max: Not at all ripped off of the book series.

Me: Not really. You guys tell us what you want to see us do! Like, if you want us to kidnap Stevo's dick, let us know!

Max: But please, don't make us do that.

Me: Yeah… Anyway, the ones I like the best– this is where it gets good– I'll let the person who suggested it help co-write the chapter! So if you review with a really awesome idea, I'll let you help out with writing it.

Max: But please, nothing involving Stevo's dick.

Me: Yeah… Be creative, but not super-specific. Give us some room to have some fun!

Max: Example, "go to California" sucks. "Go tour wine country in California" is good. "Go to wine country in California, get super-drunk, and go around in your underwear making out with random strangers" sucks too, since it severely restricts our options.

Me: Yeah. See, we couldn't do that anyway, since 'Tiri doesn't wear underwear.

Neytiri: -grins-

Me: Anyway, I think you get that. So review with suggestions/contest entries. Now, the second one is more difficult. It's the "Every Day Is Halloween" contest.

Max: You suck at coming up with titles.

Me: -ignores- Here's the deal here– You draw one (or all) of us as, well, something other than us.

Max: Basically in a costume, or, for you anime freaks out there, cosplaying.

Me: Yeah… But don't call it cosplaying, that's gay. Anyway, like, draw Max as Darth Vader, 'Tiri as a Muppet, etc. Being a good artist isn't necessary– ideas count more than execution here.

Max: But no drawing me as an angel. Because that's lame.

Me: Yeah, avoid drawing me and Max as Na'vi, or 'Tiri as a human, obvious stuff like that. Again, get creative!

Max: But after they've created such artwork, how shall they let you see it?

Me: Easy. Basically… Let me see it. Email works (I'm pretty sure there's a link on my page… I don't think there's anything else on my page…), as does dA message or Twitter -message, etc. If you can't directly send the file to me, upload it to Tinypic or Imagefrog or something and send me the link. I'll check those three mediums regularly, so just get it to me, and, well… Yeah! (If there are no links, email is tgypwya (at) gmail, and Twitter and dA are both NotMatthias)

Max: Any deadlines?

Me: For the adventure one, no. That's a rolling deadline… Just keep 'em coming. For the art, let's say… First deadline will be the 4th of July, then I'll set a new deadline for Round 2.

Max: Alright, so, we've got the art contest, the adventure contest, the announcement of the comic, and the announcement regarding Q&A. Is that all?

Me: I think so. We'll be back soon-ish (Hopefully within the month… Heh…) with the first set of questions for you guys, but until then… Bye!

Max: See ya, suckers.

Neytiri: -whacks you-

Me: 'Tiri! Don't whack the readers! Then they won't review and give us entries for the adventure contest! –winkwink-

Neytiri: And they won't send in art or anything… -winkwink-

Max: Will you two stop it already? They get the message.

Neytiri: That's right. Review… Or Stevo will GRAB YOUR DICK!

Stevo: -winks-

* * *

**_Thanks for reading! –Matt, Max, & 'Tiri_**

**Note 1: Wow, I almost forgot my password... Heh... Been awhile...**

**Note 2: ...So there's an ad for a cosplaying competition on the top of the FF homepage. Weiiiirrrrddddd.**

**Note 3: WHOA. They redid the interface. Nice. I'm liking it.**

**Note 4: ...What's the point of these notes, anyway?**

**Note 5: Goddamn FF deleting my spaces and ellipses...**

**Note 6: So apparently there's an actual Na'vi in Avatar named Tiri... Well, I'll have to check. Our 'Tiri may need a new nickname.**

**Note 7: ...Alright, I'm done.**


	41. Q & A v2

Me: Alright then, first off, even though we're two days early, I'm gonna end the Halloween-y drawing contest thing now; I've got other plans for the 4th of July, so... Yeah.

Max: -shrugs- Doesn't affect me.

Me: Alright, without a doubt, the hands-down most awesome thing I've seen in a longass time goes to The Mighty Rhodes, who not only drew me in a sombrero, but gave me a moustache upon request! Pure awesomeness!

Max: Only because you can't grow your own.

Me: That's a lie! I can totally grow some stubble...

Max: So impressive... -eyeroll-

Me: Anyway, I also have to mention, uh, Athenagal88 (I don't know your FF name off the top of my head...), for making what has to be the cutest, most awesome 'Tiri ever as part of her submission.

Neytiri: -grins- Loved it.

Me: So, yeah, the 'Tiri Seal of Approval goes to that one. Oh, and Vera? C'mon, I knew people would get my hair color wrong, but you've seen photos of me. You've **edited** photos of me. So... No excuse.

Max: Lame.

Me: Alright, so, uh... Question time!

Max: Already?

Me: Yeah, my plan right now is to ask some questions, then answer them at some point while we're on an "adventure."

Max: Reader-submitted?

Me: Of course. Now, let's see... So, tell us, readers... Who let the dogs out? (1)

Max: What will you do when Saint declares herself Pope? (Saint, you're not allowed to answer this.) (2)

Me: Do you guys think Saint is really making a Mattax fic, or was that just blackmail? (3)

Max: Do you think she's gonna make one now? (4)

Me: Would Max turn lesbian if Dylan turned into a girl randomly? (5)

Max: If Matt had to update one other story of his, which would you want updated? (6)

Me: How do you think oral sex was invented? (7)

Max: Did anyone else notice that Matt's just re-asking Saint's questions? (8)

Me: You wake up in a giant toaster. What do you do? (9)

Max: What color underwear are you wearing? Did you have to check? (10)

Me: Does Maximum Ride on a ride sound kinky? (11)

Max: If Matt hates getting Yes or No questions, why is he asking them? (12)

Me: How do you feel about Max and Dylan being bed buddies? (13)

Max: How do you feel about me and Dylan not being bed buddies? (14)

Me: If by some freaky coincidence, you and Saint had a baby, what would you name it? (Answer both male and female). (15)

Max: Did you notice Matt is now ripping off other reviewers? (16)

Me: If you could be the opposite sex for 24 hours, what would you do? (17)

Max: If you could be one of us for 24 hours, who would you be and what would you do? (18)

Me: What song do you want to hear 'Tiri sing? (19)

Max: If you could pick a college for Matt and me to go to, which one would it be? (20)

Me: For all you ladies out there (aka everyone), if Fang wasn't married to Saint and didn't have a kid with Iggy but looked just like Vin Diesel, was gay and had the hots for Fromo and Lear and had an Ahnold accent, would you have hot sex with him? (21)

Max: Who's cooler, me or Neytiri? (22)

Me: What will Max do when she realizes everyone thinks 'Tiri's cooler than her? (23)

Max: Which MR book title is the _worst_? (Book 8 is named "Nevermore," by the way.) (24)

Me: Why are the little styrofoam thingies called peanuts? (25)

Max: We know what Matt would do if he was magically turned into a pink mini-dragon that breathes sparkles, not fire, by the guy from the Lucky Charms commercial... But what would you do? (26)

Me: What is your best Inception-related joke? Mine's "A file within a file within a file... Compression." (27)

Max: -facepalm- Where's Fluffly? (28)

Me: Did you get the Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist reference? (29)

Max: If you could have dinner with either me, Matt, or 'Tiri, who would you pick and where would you take us? (30)

Me: Do you like big butts? Can you lie? (31)

Max: Is it Dr. Hansen-Jansen, Dr. Heidy-Deidy, Dr. Georgie-Porgie, Dr. Humpty-Dumpty, or something else completely? (32)

Me: Who is Steve? (33)

Max: If the Hokey Pokey isn't what it's all about, then what is it all about? (34)

Me: How come I hear a weird beeping, but when I turn my head, it's gone? (35)

Max: If you were pregnant, what would you be craving? (36)

Me: How come girls' periods sync when they hang out? (37)

Max: Are we asking too many questions? (38)

Me: Do you want 'Tiri to ask some more? (39)

Neytiri: Might as well say yes, since you don't really have a choice.

Me: Point...

Neytiri: Uh... Answer whatever question you want to answer, just don't tell us the question. (40)

Me: ...That was... Interesting.

Max: ...Are we done yet?

Me: Yep! Now, on to watching more pirated Cartoon Network shows!

Max: ...-headshake-

* * *

**Me: Alright... First of all, I'm surprised how many people have abandoned MR in favor of Hetalia... Personally, I can't get into Hetalia, I like Scandinavia and the World a lot more. It's funnier.**

**Max: ...We never made a Gasparilla chapter.**

**Me: We must do that... Oh, and I've decided who I'll be working with for the Choose Adventure Thing, keep your eye on your inbox!**

**Max: And when's the next art deadline?**

**Me: Let's say... July 21st. Feel free to enter again if you didn't win this time -coughVeracough-**

**Max: -eyeroll- Any instructions regarding the questions?**

**Me: Yeah... Hang on, I'll number them.**

**_Five hours later..._**

**Me: Done. 40 questions exactly.**

**Max: I'll go alert the tabloids.**

**_Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max_**


	42. Words of Wisdom

**Max: Max here, I've hijacked Matt's computer again. Sooo...**

* * *

**Me, Max, and a Dog Kennel Proudly Presents:**

**Some "Words of Wisdom" from Miss Maximum Ride!**

1.) There are three kinds of people in the world: those that can count and those that can't.

2.) If it's 6 am and you're curling up on the floor to go to sleep, you're either drunk, homeless, or me.  
I guess you could be both drunk and homeless, but I highly doubt you're me. If you are, who the hell am I?

3.) If the whitecoat people made that Max II clone of me, why'd they make that army of Generation X-ers or whatever? Why not just make a clone army of me? It'd be like Star Wars, just with wings and no crappy tv show.

4.) If you masturbate while under the Imperious Curse, is it rape?

5.) If you're suffering from a vaginal infection, you're probably female.

6.) Are the Maximum Ride books non-fiction because they're about a real person (me), or fiction because James Patterson has no idea what he's talking about?

7.) "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings." What'd they do before bells were invented?

8.) The only thing that a duck and a bicycle have in common is that they both have handlebars. Except a duck doesn't.

9.) Always keep your wine and your cheese outside of the house. That way, in case your house burns down, you can still get drunk and have cheese.

10.) Lesbians must be attracted to boobs. Otherwise, why would they use strap-ons?

11.) Iggy is blind but can feel colors. Total can see but is colorblind. If they somehow had a kid, would he have perfect vision or be completely blind?

12.) The fact that Aang is literally an 112-year-old man in a 12-year-old's body is extremely disturbing to me.

13.) The internet has created more idiots than alcohol. The two together, however, create the best idiots.

14.) Baking is like cannibal parenting. First you make it, which is messy, then you wait for it to grow and mature, then you eat it.

15.) I tried to go vegan once, but then I figured that since the cow had given its life to be my hamburger, I might as well eat it. That, and Iggy ran out of tofu.

16.) Mutual masturbation is an oxymoron.

17.) The internet was created for porn and stalkers.

18.) I find it ironic that Photoshop has put most actual photo shops out of business.

19.) Flubber.

20.) If you want to make it on tv, you need to work really hard.  
Or you can become a drunken party animal and/or get pregnant with an obscenely large number of kids.

21.) Pictures make everything better. Except for sex scandals.

22.) Is it narcissism if I think Max II is hot?

23.) Why is the Mona Lisa so damn famous? It's just a really old painting of a woman. A good painting, yes, but still nothing groundbreaking.

24.) People freak out whenever a guy wears a dress. Yet nobody even notices when girls wear pants. Double standard much?

25.) Everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame, yet Kate Gosselin still has a tv show. I sure hope she's not using my fifteen minutes now...

26.) All marriages start out as gay marriages, but only same-sex marriages stay that way. Kids turn happy marriages into messes.

27.) Lingerie designers work awfully hard to make something that has only one purpose: to be taken off.

28.) Odds are, no matter how bad things are, the Holocaust was worse.

29.) If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

30.) If you don't smell good, you probably don't smell well, either.

31.) Haikus are easy,  
But sometimes they don't make sense.  
Refrigerator.

32.) I'm not Schizophrenic. Neither am I.

33.) If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's either a duck or a very confused beaver.

34.) Homosexual couples have yet to naturally produce a child. However, it hasn't stopped them from trying.

35.) This sentence is a lie.

* * *

**Max: Alright, that's all I can think of right now. Was that random? Hell yeah. What were you expecting, something relevant?**

**Later, bitches.**

**_Thanks for reading! -Max_**


	43. Unrelated Chapter Name

**Me: It's 2 am on the night before we fly back home to Florida.**

**Max: So you know what that means, right?**

**Me: Yep, we're jacked up on chocolate, jamming to Death Cab for Cutie, and bored out of our minds.**

**Max: Everyone back on the east coast is asleep, so we have nobody to talk to but each other.**

**Me: 'Tiri's out in the forest being, well, 'Tiri, so it's just me and Max.**

**Max: And it's damn boring.**

**Me: So we figured we might as well get this chapter up already. And we're still working on that comic… Chill out… I've got so many goddamn ideas for that thing…**

* * *

Me: …Dammit, my iPod's dead.

Max: So we're gonna have to sit in boredom instead of listening to music?

Neytiri: -curled up into a ball- I hate Chicago, I hate cities, where are the trees, where is the nature, I hate Chicago, I hate cities…

Max: Don't let her look out the window, she'll flip.

Me: For those of you just tuning in, we're on Chicago's elevated train system heading into downtown. And we're bored.

Max: What else is new?

Neytiri: I hate Chicago, I hate cities…

Max: Seriously, 'Tiri, chill. Just wait until we get to New York.

Me: Meh… I guess it's time for that Q&A experiment, huh?

Max: Oh, yeah, alright…

Me: So the first question was "Who let the dogs out?," and the best answer was…

**AliceCloneoftheworld: The cats, of course, so they could "visit" the fish.**

Max: …What the hell does that mean?

Me: No idea! Next was "What will you do when Saint declares herself Pope?," and the winner is…

**Lilac Rose6: When she declares herself pope I'm gonna declare myself the King of Persia (even though I'm female), have Iggy become my queen of Persia, and dance around singing screamo in a tophat.**

Max: …Your reviewers are on drugs.

Me: -shrugs- The next, like, three were yes/no questions, so I'm just gonna skip to "How do you think oral sex was invented?," and the winner there is…

**St. Fang of Boredom: Iggy went to kiss his boyfriend, but, well, he's blind...**

Max: Took Saint a surprisingly long time to get in…

Me: But honorable mention goes to **Lilac Rose6: ****... the butler did it.**

Max: …That makes no sense.

Me: Moving on! We'll note that Saint did not notice I was re-asking her questions and skip forward to "You wake up in a giant toaster. What do you do?," and the prize here goes to...

**Lilac Rose6: ****Scream about sexual harassment until my sister the Unicorn Queen shows up to save me with her friend the Avacadoe [sic] overlord.**

Max: …WHAT. THE. HELL?

Me: Honorable mentions go out to Saint and AliceClone. I won't bother quoting anyone for the underwear question, but a lot of people wear pink underwear and need to check.

* * *

**Me: My email's a bitch.**

**Max: Wait… What? Since when do we interrupt the story?**

**Me: Oh, and Death Cab got boring, so now we're blasting Flyleaf and actually getting tired.**

**Max: I fail to understand your logic.**

* * *

Me: Skipping forward to Max being Dylan's personal sperm depository…

Max: HEY!

Me: People seem to have a problem with that.

Max: **I** have a problem with that.

Me: Your diary begs to differ.

Max: …..

Neytiri: I hate Chicago, I hate cities…

Max: …Someone get that girl a salad or something…

Me: Now, what would you name your lovechild with Saint? AfterShock666 says Karma, AliceClone says Aleksander or Rhine, says Alyssa or Iggy, Lilac Rose6 says Poppy or Lelouch, and Saint is confused.

Max: -facepalm-

Me: Oh, and if Saint was a guy, she'd join the Knights of Columbus to get a cool sword. Interestingly, Saint, I'd join to get the awesome hat…

Max: Your non-Catholic readers are probably confused as hell right now…

Me: Yeah… And if Lilac Rose6 could be one of us, she'd be me and propose to Saint. So, Max, remind me not to rent my body out anytime soon.

Max: …You can rent bodies out?

Me: Yeah, I mean, right now you're renting out a portion of your body to Dylan's spe-

Max: -whacks- ENOUGH WITH THE-

Neytiri: EVERYTHING WENT BLACK WE'RE GONNA DIE!

Me: … No, we're just underground.

Neytiri: …WE'RE UNDERGROUND WE'RE GONNA DIE!

Max: -facepalm-

* * *

**Me: Screw it, I'm tired, it's bedtime.**

**Max: …What?**

**Me: I'll do the rest some other time, we're about halfway done anyway.**

**Max: …So you're just gonna cut it off randomly?**

**Me: …Yep.**

**Max: But this chapter's gonna suck.**

**Me: -shrugs- I'll just give the reviewers some task to do in their review, and they'll ignore the chapter's crappiness.**

**Max: …You're just revealing your evil methods here…**

**Me: So? Alright, peoples, here's your challenge! Since I have a tendency to do things I regret when I'm tired, I want you guys to split your review up into a bunch of one-word reviews! Then I'll have to piece them together to figure out what you're trying to say! Bonus points of you figure out a way to make it have multiple meanings if pieced together differently!**

**Max: …So, 1.) This is gonna seriously bump up your review count, 2.) You're gonna be really pissed when you need to read the damn things, and 3.) How are they gonna do that if you can only review each chapter once? Anonymous reviews?**

**Me: …Good points. Alright, forget that… But I'm sure some of you will do it anyway… -coughSAINTcough-**

**Max: You stopped making sense a while ago. Bedtime.**

**Me: No! Your mother has rabies! And BillyBob needs his alcohol sleep!**

**Max: …Yeah, bedtime.**

**Me: Nevah! I shall prevail! I will… Zzzzzzz…**

**Max: …Yeah, I thought so. Peace, you lunatic readers. Sorry about the mess.**

**_Thanks for reading! –Max&SleepingMatt_**


	44. Bedtimes Are For Losers

**Hey everybody, Matt here. It's 3:30 am. I have tons of ideas for this chapter... But it's 3 am. So, I give you... Something.**

* * *

Neytiri Hey Max

Max Oh hey Tiri Whats up

Neytiri Oh Ive just got a lot of these pesky punctuation marks from this conversation here in my bag What should I do with them

Max Oh dont worry just stick them on the end of this sentence :,!:,'!'?:,'.?:,',.

* * *

**I repeat, it is 3:30 am. This is what happens after hours of watching the Fresh Prince and reading Dave Barry and craving bagels. I probably won't even remember this in the morning.**

**I'll be shocked if someone manages to review this. There's nothing to review.**

**Alright, maybe someone will try to put the punctuation marks back into place. That's gotta be the only possible way to review this.**

**So... Yeah. 3:30 am, people. Forgive the strupidity. And the badd speeling. I'm just...**

**Ah, screw it, I'm gonna grab a spray-paint can and see what kind of art I can make.**

**_Thanks for bearing with this load of crap! -Matt_**


	45. Don't Worry, We're Still Here

**Hey everyone, Max here. I hate having to do this, but Matt and I think you guys oughta know we haven't forgotten about you. Senior year is turning out to be much busier than anyone expected.**

**So, yeah, hopefully we'll be able to get something done over Thanksgiving break, but we'll see. The comic has stalled lately (Matt's trying to redo the style and I'm telling him he's an idiot) and the file for the second half of that Q&A got corrupted... You get the idea. Things aren't going well on the MM&aDK front.**

**Matt's also annoyed because he has a lot of ideas for new stories but he can't get anything written because of everything else, 'Tiri's annoyed because she loves you guys, and I'm annoyed because I look forward to you guys reviewing and telling me how amazing, talented, beautiful, and generally awesome I am... Right? **

**Oh, and so you guys have something to do other than compliment me, Matt and I want to know what you think: Saint said (exact quote) "But they're tasty and jiggly!"**

**What do you think she was talking about? -coughboobscough-**

**Heh, Saint's gonna kill us...**

_((Saint claims she was talking about jello shots. She was hungover at the time. We think she's lying. -Matt))_

**I think that just about covers it. Sayonara, amigos! (Or something...)**

**_-Max_**


	46. Coming July 2012

Sorry about the extended break, but I'm back now, with a big announcement...

* * *

**They're done with high school.**

**They're done with Florida.**

**They're moving on to bigger and better things.**

**By that, we mean Washington DC.**

**Coming July 2012...**

**From Georgetown University...**

**Okay, still Florida for a bit, but then Georgetown...**

**ME, MAX, & A DORM ROOM**

**The Official Sequel to MM&aDK**

**Starring Matt, Max, and a ton of people you haven't met yet.**

**Because we haven't met them either.**

**...**

**Three cheers for college.**


End file.
